Contacting an ex ?

LegacyUser

Ok so long story short - Was in a relationship with my ex for just over 4 years. We broke up before Christmas, it was a mutural decision. Both still young and wanted different things. We finished on good terms and both agreed we would stay "friends", by freinds I mean a call or text once in a while.

I went on a work trip just after christmas was out of the country for 3 weeks, when I returned he called to see how I got on, this was fine.
I then got a call a few weeks later, he was looking to see if my uncle had any work for him. He sounded desperate, felt bad so I asked my uncle but there was no work for him.
He told me when on the phone that if I ever needed him for anything at all not be afraid to contact him, I said the same. So it was left at that.
That was 2/3 months ago.

He hadn't been on my mind much and I have no intentions of every getting back with him, I don't love him anymore but naturally I still care for him.
Had a dream about him the other night and the following day he was on my mind a lot so I taught there would be no harm in texting him "hey, long time no spaek, how are you?"

3 days on and I haven't recieved a reply. I'm quite upset over it. When I say i'm upset, i'm not crying or losing sleep over it just more curious as to why he didn't reply ? it's not like we finished on bad terms or either of us where extermly hurt. I was just curious to see how he was doing or if he had gotten any work. After all we where together for 4 years. I know he is an ex and really is not oblidged to reply but It's on my mind a lot, and it shouldn't be.


Has anyone been in this sisituation before ? Or any taughts on it ?
Thanks

LegacyUser

As a guy who has been in a similar situation, the way I see it is he contacted you because he was looking for work. He doesn't necessarily care how you feel or wonder what's going on in your life anymore, he had a genuine reason to make contact and that was that. He may have moved on now and have found another woman and for a lot of guys, we don't see the point in continuing casual small-talk with an ex when there is nothing to be gained from it, a lot of guys just aren't big into wasting time texting if they don't have to.

I wouldn't contact him again. I'd accept that he's no longer interested and has moved on with his life and you should try to do the same.

I think you definitely still have some kind of feelings for him to be provoked to text him or wonder what's going on in his life. I don't hold onto my exes numbers as I have no interest in finding out how they are, they're the past to me.

Powerhouse

Textinanex wrote: »

After all we where together for 4 years.

Not sure what difference this makes. It doesn't give either of you any right to be updated on the other's goings-on.

But perhaps he didn't get a chance to reply at the time and forgot about it? Perhaps, unlike you, the text is not such a big issue for him? Perhaps he has made a determined decision to 'move on' and in that context contacting you does not help?

As for remaining 'friends' - this is a fallacy that many couples, especially long-term couples engage in, but it is simply a means of moving on in a civil manner. As life goes on and a new reality/set of experiences intervene it becomes both impractical and probably unwise to maintain contact (unless you move in the same milieu all the time). It runs the risk of one of you failing to move on. It also ignores the reality that the primary thing you had in common was your actual relationship and when that's gone...

Frankly, your post could easily be interpreted as the views of someone who has not psychologically processed this split, and needs to do so. You also need to think of the near future - the last thing a prospective new boyfriend needs is to be constantly hearing what a great fellow your ex is/was and how you're still great pals with him.