Friend trying to 'outdo' me.

Esoteric_

This isn't a huge issue, but it is irritating me a little bit, mainly because of how childish it is.

Before I explain, I just want to say that while I may not make my friend sound like the best person in the world here, she is a lovely, caring, sweet, kind person and I adore her. This is the one and only issue I have with her.

Basically, she tries to out do me in every way that she can. It is so childish and it's grating on me. She is quite insecure, but since I've lost weight (I used to be a size 22 this time last year, I'm now a size 14), it's gotten worse because I'm now a clothing size smaller than her, which she doesn't like.

When we go out, she is determined to look better than me. Her definition of better is a bit more trashy, though. As in, she makes herself look a little slutty, in order to draw more male attention. I don't care about how she dresses, each to their own. If she's confident in her outfits, then I don't care if they're nothing more than string! She's not confident in them though. She has told me out straight that she wears really low cut clothing while out so that she will get male attention because she hates that I get male attention while out. It's not that I get a lot of male attention, because I don't (I'm not exactly attractive!), but I have a lot of male friends, so get talking to them a lot, and it annoys her. If I kiss someone, I have to find someone to kiss her. I haven't done that since I was 15 years old, drinking in a field with my mates!

If I even talk to a guy who she finds attractive, and it's not to introduce her (he might be a friend that hugs me and says hello!), she gets annoyed with me. A few weeks ago, we ran into a friend and he chatted to me for about 10 minutes about something innocent (web design!), while she chatted to another friend. She got angry with me for trying to 'take' the guy, because she apparently thought he was cute.

This is all so childish and I feel ridiculous typing it all out, but it's irritating. I try to boost her confidence. I constantly tell her she looks beautiful, I compliment her outfits, I encourage her to chat with my other friends so that she gets used to talking to guys more, and I have helped her to pull on nights out (even though I feel like a 15 year old when doing it!). I bring her shopping and help her find pretty, attractive clothing that she loves. In short, I really do my best to help her, but ever since I lost weight and started getting more male attention on nights out, she's seemingly trying her best to take that attention away from me and get it for herself.

I really don't care less whether I get male attention, or any attention, on a night out, but her behaviour is annoying me. I have mentioned it to her, and she says she gets jealous, but laughs it off and refuses to see how annoying it is to me. She even gets jealous if I wear something that she likes, even though I'll offer to lend it to her, knowing that it might be stretched if it's too small for her. It got to a point where she threw a tantrum like a 5 year old when we were shopping and I bought a top. She was trying something on, I spotted a top I loved and bought it. She couldn't buy the same one as it was a fairly exclusive shop, with only one of each thing in stock, and she went nuts and spent the day 'jokingly' calling me a b!tch!

Is there anything else I can do? I'm doing everything I can to boost her self esteem because I know that she has none and is insecure. I do everything I can to make her feel better about herself, but it's as if she thinks that she needs male attention to make her feel attractive or pretty.

Sorry for the stupidly long post, probably with too much detail, but it's irritating me. She's nearly 27, but it's all so childish that it's doing my head in, to be frank. I hope you lovely people have some suggestions for how I can help her feel better about herself so that this jealousy stops because we have a wonderful friendship aside from that and I adore everything else about her.

The Lovely Muffin

I personally cannot stand that kind of behaviour. If she was my friend I'd have told her long ago to cop on and if she didn't then I wouldn't consider her a friend any longer.

Honestly I don't know how you can be friends with someone who acts so childish - she's 27 years old, she needs to start acting like it.

I'd advise telling bluntly that her behaviour is childish and you don't appreciate it. Calling you names because you bought a top she couldn't, getting mad and accusing you of 'taking' male attention and men away from her.

Maybe if she grew up, copped on and started acting her age more men might show interest in her.

I can be quite blunt though. I wouldn't be one for confrontation, but at the same time I won't take such behaviour from a friend.

edellc

Op how have you listened and put up with this behaviour for so long, I would have snapped by now

how dare she call you a bitch for buying a bloody top and how dare she get jealous for getting male attention :eek:

A big congratulations for the weight loss thats a huge deal and she should not be jealous of you but be thrilled for you

Also it is not up to you to boost her confidence, that is something she has to work through herself

If she isnt confident in her body and you really really want to help then why not invite her to the gym with you or on a brisk walk with you to kick start weight loss for her, if she loose a bit she may feel a bit more confidence in herself....but the reality is you really dont need to do this but i get the impression you really like her and actually do want to help out

on a more serious not the issue with the male attention does need to be addressed and maybe next time she gets pissed off with you about it, make a joke of it and say that you havent had to deal with this stuff since you where in school and last time you checked that was many years ago....maybe she will get the message about her childish behaviour

best of luck with it OP, its the little things that build up and make big issues

peace and love x