no point?

kate1991

Okay, so I am at my lowest I have been in a long time. I have no idea how I got myself into the circumstances I have in the last while but non the less I am stuck in one BIG life rut.

I am twenty years old, twenty one this week. I don't have one true friend, I don't really have that many left at home as everyone has moved away, the few I have aren't around much as they are on work placement etc. The one 'close close' friend I feel is slightly threatened by me for some stupid reason, patronizing me the hole time, making me feel small and then saying is was a joke, when others are around she doesnt want to me no unless they do. Then my college friends - since dropping out alot dont want to have anything to do with me. College was very much a mean girls situation for me, I was in the 'in-crowd' and since leaving I have heard some hilarious stories of all of my 'mates' bitching about me.

I feel that I have not one true friend, I don't no how I manage to keep getting myself into these similar situations but I do :mad: I need some sort of help, but dont no where to start. I can't even go to my family to talk about things as I don't speak to my mother or brother. My mum hates the person I am, hates that I'm young and have money to go out and do things. So I live with my father, but the man doesnt do feelings or emotions.

Since I was young I've been very unhappy in myself, I put on a brave face, smile it out pretend to be happy..but I'm not. I feel like I'm owed a break, abit of happiness but remember I'm owed nothing in life, none of us are. But I still can't get up and try make things better, everytime I do it goes wrong. I genuinely think I'm better off just disappearing, no I meet wants to get to know me and anyone I do doesn't really care.

I know this is a moany post but I'm genuinely lost, alone. I don't no what to do anymore. I wake up most days asking whats the point. I'm afraid I'll actually wake up and say there is no point.

thefeatheredcat

First off on your close close friend, as you put it, while threatened by you is putting you down to make herself feel better about herself and within herself. Doing it in front of others and passing it off as a joke when others are around is easy to see through. People like that aren't worth having in life as friends. Real friends aren't going to put you down to make themselves feel more secure about themselves and will only ever make you feel bad about yourself, who you are, your ideas and talents that you have. She will most likely do nothing but hold you back while she slowly erodes away your confidence and self esteem.

As for your college friends, well now you know what they're like. While it is common that when you finish college or drop out those that remain, their lives continue as normal while yours has dramatically changed. Losing contact is natural even in some of the better friendships you make but to be honest, if they have been bitching about you since, they are no great loss as friends.

Neither your close friend or your group of friends from college, from my point of view, are much benefit to you and your self esteem. And I think you need to see them for who they really are and realise perhaps you are better off without them. In a way you have been released from perhaps an unpleasant bunch of people (what I gather from your post anyway) to meeting better people.

And apart from starting with seeing that, you have to also start by realising that you do deserve better than that in friendships. And start also by not accepting less than what you deserve. Truly I feel you deserve better in friendships than what these friends have offered. And you should allow yourself that. That actually should be a goal for you to be determined in reaching - allowing yourself better.

Have you made effort to get back into contact with other friends that are on work placements?

Everyone is entitled to have emotion... to feel down, to feel angry, to feel upset or feel like life is just unfair. But everyone is also entitled to happiness too.

Between your college friends and your close friend and your family, you have a lot of negative influences in your life. If they are not serving you to fulfilling your happiness then limiting thought around them and not letting their behaviour impact or affect you in anyway will make you feel more positive within yourself. Cut out the negative influences and you'll gain your confidence and your happiness over time. It won't happen over night, you will have to work for it if you really, really want it, but it will happen.

Have you anyone to talk to about how you are feeling and what you are dealing with? Even the Samaritans, from my experience, will make the time to listen to you. And with them you don't have to pretend that the world you walk around in is perfect and that all is fine and happy in your life when it's not.

While we can all argue that nobody is entitled to a break, there are times in life when even when we feel we don't deserve a break at all, one that we long for and want so, so badly, it happens. So don't give up.

You have the courage and the strength to post here and I believe if you can do that, then you underestimate your own strength and desire for happiness. Give yourself some credit and give yourself a break. Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself one day to you, on your Birthday to do something really positive and special for yourself. If that is making a list of what you want to change in your life, reading positive books, seeking out positive things, pampering yourself or shutting away and letting your emotions out, whatever makes you feel good about you and yourself, then do it. Positive thoughts give positive actions. And for you I hope this means a special Happy Birthday for you.

December2012

Do you have anything nice to say about anybody? Your family, friends, yourself?

Yes your post is moany and if I knew you I would stay away becase you sound like a negative drag who would suck the joy out of anything.

That said, you don't have to behave like that.

You sound as if you have major issues to deal with and those are best treated with the help of a psychiatrist.

Are you going to do something about it?

Novella

December2012 wrote: »

Do you have anything nice to say about anybody? Your family, friends, yourself?

Yes your post is moany and if I knew you I would stay away becase you sound like a negative drag who would suck the joy out of anything.

That said, you don't have to behave like that.

You sound as if you have major issues to deal with and those are best treated with the help of a psychiatrist.

Are you going to do something about it?

I think this is really harsh. The OP came here and bared her feelings and it was unnecessary of you to say that if you knew her, you'd stay away from her. We all go through hard times, we all have moments where we think that everyone and everything is against us and what we need in those times is kindness and support, not, "Are you going to do something about it?". She is doing something, she is here, seeking guidance.

kate1991 wrote: »

Okay, so I am at my lowest I have been in a long time. I have no idea how I got myself into the circumstances I have in the last while but non the less I am stuck in one BIG life rut.

I am twenty years old, twenty one this week. I don't have one true friend, I don't really have that many left at home as everyone has moved away, the few I have aren't around much as they are on work placement etc. The one 'close close' friend I feel is slightly threatened by me for some stupid reason, patronizing me the hole time, making me feel small and then saying is was a joke, when others are around she doesnt want to me no unless they do. Then my college friends - since dropping out alot dont want to have anything to do with me. College was very much a mean girls situation for me, I was in the 'in-crowd' and since leaving I have heard some hilarious stories of all of my 'mates' bitching about me.

I feel that I have not one true friend, I don't no how I manage to keep getting myself into these similar situations but I do I need some sort of help, but dont no where to start. I can't even go to my family to talk about things as I don't speak to my mother or brother. My mum hates the person I am, hates that I'm young and have money to go out and do things. So I live with my father, but the man doesnt do feelings or emotions.

Since I was young I've been very unhappy in myself, I put on a brave face, smile it out pretend to be happy..but I'm not. I feel like I'm owed a break, abit of happiness but remember I'm owed nothing in life, none of us are. But I still can't get up and try make things better, everytime I do it goes wrong. I genuinely think I'm better off just disappearing, no I meet wants to get to know me and anyone I do doesn't really care.

I know this is a moany post but I'm genuinely lost, alone. I don't no what to do anymore. I wake up most days asking whats the point. I'm afraid I'll actually wake up and say there is no point.

Don't worry about your post. I know how horrible it is to feel lost and alone like that. Don't think that you're by yourself in that. You don't deserve to feel unhappy, nobody deserves that.

I would suggest you see your GP, OP. Perhaps you would benefit from some sort of counseling. I find it sad that you say you think you're better off disappearing, that you wake up asking what's the point. It shouldn't feel like that, it doesn't have to.

December2012

I am sure the OP will get kindness from other posters. I was giving a different perspective, not to attack, but to honestly appraise the behaviour of the OP as I see it from her post.

I noted that she is not kind to herself. We all souls be kind to ourselves and take care of ourselves. Sometimes that involves taking a long hard look at ourselves and how we project ourselves to others.

She won't get any friends unless she changes. She won't be happy unless she changes.

There is no point in blaming everybody else, the common denominator is the OP.

I believe I was being supportive when
I recommended she seek professional help.

The only perso who can get out of this is the OP. next step is up to her.

Piliger

Hi OP. Firstly let me say how sorry I am that you are feeling so low. I have been through some really tough times and I know how it feels.

I was going to write a long piece of specific advice. But then I reread your post again twice, and I really think you need to get counselling help. You are suffering from some kind of long term emotional feelings that are dragging you down in my view, and I really don't think short, quick and casual advice is the solution.

I honestly think the best thing you can do is tackle this now. Talk to your Dad, or your Mum, and tell him straight out that you really need to talk to someone professional and you need it now. Get a referral from your GP if necessary. If your Dad or Mum have a bit of money then insist on going private. And please OP don't feel it is anything to feel ashamed of or that you are in any way less of a girl to need a bit of help. You are in very good company, with many many others. And Counselling is completely confidential. They will never talk to your parents or friends, and it may only mean a few visits, not the American kind of life-long crap.

Life is tough, and if we're not 100% then it is a lot tougher. Reaching out for help is nothing to feel bad about, as you have done here ... and I congratulate you for coming here !

Also consider approaching the medical/counselling people in the College you dropped out of.

But either way I feel you need to tackle it by more than just 'cheering up'.

Best of luck !

Taltos

December2012 - please review our charter, specifically

Any advice given should be mature, contructive and non-abusive. Opinions are welcome. Ridicule and nastiness are not.

Please keep in mind that posters here normally have tried all other avenues and this is maybe their last resort. Any further posting like this will see your posting rights being withdrawn.

Thanks all.
Taltos

(As per our rules, replies to this warning will result in at least an infraction. If you have an issue with the moderation please PM the mods).