Birthday problem

LegacyUser

Hi all. My parner and I fell out with a family member very badly a few years ago. It's now a significant birthday for her and he wants to send her a birthday present because "it's the right thing to do" he says. I disagree as the woman caused a lot of trouble and heartache in my my house at the time. I am totally stressed by recent arguments we have had about this. There is virtually no contact between us. OH wants to try be on more cordial terms but I'm finding it difficult to go along with this. She is his relation.

P. Breathnach

Why stop him? Is he demanding that you forgive her, or simply trying to put his own relationship with her on a better footing?

AhInFairness

If he wants a cordial relationship with her and you want nothing to do with her then I would suggest he sends her this gift signed only from him. She is his relative so you aren't really in a position to tell him what he can and can't do here. By all means, you can tell him that you will have nothing to do with her and you would be well within your rights to do so, but you can't tell him to do the same.

edellc

agree with what is said already...from my own experience I had a falling out with my OH's sister due to her behaviour with me and I stopped going to visit her, when it was one of her daughters communion my OH was pushing for me to visit, but due to where they live and how far we have to travel we have no choice but to stay in their house with them (very rural and we dont drive) so i told him that she is his sister and if he chooses to go visit that is fine with me but i am not going as I do not need to be treated like something that she trod in..end of

after a few years of (6 to be precise) she eventually rang me and apologised for her behaviour, i know that it was not meant as the only reason she had to say sorry was that her brother my OH had also not been a frequent visitor, not my doing his choice and she realised that unless she was civil to me she would not see her brother

the reason for the falling out was that she wanted her brother to marry her best friend as she had married his and i had taken her brother away from her even though i met him in the big smoke that i am from and he moved to in order to work...yes i really took him away from her :rolleyes: she behaved like a scorned lover it was just weird

Op the one thing I will say to you is never ever ask him to choose between you and his family even this low life, I never did but his sister did and it got her nowhere, support him and if he wants a relationship with her that is his business not yours

Its very hard not to get annoyed at these things but it really isnt worth it and im sure she is not that bothered about you, maybe if she sees your OH it may give her a bit of remorse for her past behaviour and she will see that falling out with you hinders her relationship with your oh you never know

peace and love op and dont let her get you down xx

LegacyUser

Thanks so much Edelic. That was a very nice post and great advice which I will try follow. The woman is my OHs sister and nver liked me from day one. I have made up my mind to get card and a few flowers and leave it at that.

edellc

best solution all round tbh that way you are behaving like the bigger person, card and flowers

best of luck with your OH x

Big Bag of Chips

Card and flowers is a good idea. Not much thought or effort needed! And it doesn't mean that you suddenly must become best buddies or anything, but you are not giving her the opportunity to bitch to the rest of the family about you two not acknowledging her (significant!) birthday

LegacyUser

He dropped flowers over today but she wasn't in so left them with guy who answered the door. He got a text later saying "thank you Xxxx and your family for the beautiful flowers. So I don't have a name now it seems. Anyway job done .