How to make things less awkward

LegacyUser

Hoping you guys can help me out with something.

So i met a great guy recently, we were really flirty, get on great, and we're having alot of fun together.The thing is, all is great until we get to the bedroom. he seemed really nervous the first time so we stopped and he apologised and said it was cause he liked me and stuff but now whenever we do it its really awkward! like not a little bit of nerves- real awkward!

i really really like him and everything else is great- even physically, its just the awkwardness and shyness surrounding the sex that im worried about! maybe it will go away eventually but im worried that the longer it goes on the worse it will get and i dont want that to happen cause everything else is perfect! any ideas on how to deal with it? without it turning into a big deal which will make it worse! Thanks!

Piliger

Hi OP. I'm 50+(M) and have been through this kind of thing.

I expect that your BF is, like so many young guys, obsessed with the penetration part of sex to the exclusion of almost all else. It's normal and, sadly, to be expected. The vast majority of us guys really really need girls to teach us this.

Although there are exceptions, most girls appreciate that there is a LOT more to sex and you need to start reassuring him of this. Talk to him quietly when you are cuddling. Tell him that penetration is only one part of sex, a really really great part, but still only part. Tell him about cuddling, kissing, all kinds of caressing and oral and fun play too.

The next time you get into a situation where you are going to be intimate tell him that penetration is not going to happen that time and all you want is to play. This kind of experience will get him used to the intimacy with you without the expectation of having to 'perform', and will open his eyes to all of the lovely jubbly parts of being intimate with a partner you really enjoy.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thanks for that.

see, without getting too graphic, everything leading up to sex is great! like loads of time is spent doing the right things and everything, you'd never think there would be any issues whatsoever but its just the minute it actually comes to that part its like a switch is flicked and its awkward! like we really enjoy all the other aspects of it and that is perfect- really perfect- but once we actually have sex its weird!
like i would actually say he is more intimate and touchy feely as opposed to just 'rushing straight in' like other guys, which is why i dont know what to be doing to make things better.

P. Breathnach

Enjoy what you have going for you.

Tell him penetrative sex can wait until it happens more or less of its own accord, that you do not see it as inevitable every time you play intimate games.

dellas1979

What ages are ye? Could it be lack of experience on his part?

Piliger

Hi OP, thanks for the additional info, it is very interesting and I am really delighted that everything else is so good. Clearly I was behind the curve...

Two things spring to mind. The first is patience. You say you only met him recently and unless you're in a big hurry .. then be patient and let time take care of it over weeks and a few months. By the way I know that may be a little too easy to say because you may be pretty frustrated by now but we do stuff for the people we love, don't we

The second thing is communication. If patience doesn't take care of it then you really need to find opportunities for you to tackle the subject in a completely non stressed way, where you can explore any reasons behind his issue. He may know deep down what it is. He may be ashamed or embarrassed to say it.

Be aware. This is not an unusual situation. Guys who actually care about people and women, and who are sensitive, are the ones who seem to suffer most, while the knob heads always seem to 'perform' on demand.