Writing a pitch with no protagonist

pickarooney

I've been trying to come up with a pitch for the last couple of days but can't figure out where to begin. Any guidelines I've read all have the same advice - to plot the main character's conflict, crisis, resolution etc. but I don't really have a main character I'm finding it incredibly hard to sum up the various strands in a few words.

Is it best to cheat a bit in this situation and pretend a random one of the characters is the protagonist?

There's also a bit where you're supposed to describe your career as a writer. What do people generally put in there and why would anyone care either way?

hcass

What are the themes of the book? The main theme? Do the characters stories intertwine?

For example the premise for Pulp Fiction is: The lives of two mob hit men, a boxer, a gangster's wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption.


Or Magnolia:

An epic mosaic of several interrelated characters in search of happiness, forgiveness, and meaning in the San Fernando Valley.

I haven't had a real career as a writer but I would put in about my years in college studying journalism and my CW degree. Maybe mention any work you're proud of or that was published be it on a website or other. If you have a blog I'd mention it too. I entered one contest and got to the long list so I'd mention that. Maybe mention other projects you're working on and hope to develop? I don't know why they ask this stuff but they must have their reasons.

Toasterspark

Well, there should be either a dominant character in your story, or there should be a plot that ties all the characters together somehow. In your case, it sounds like you have the latter. It could be a case of saying something like this (which I've just made up right this second):

"Antibes is heading into its first winter of the 1960's. Jean-Paul is a struggling artist, trying to earn a living to support his newly-pregnant girlfriend. In a nearby monastery, Olivia is beginning to have doubts about her future with the Sisters. Following his father's death, Philippe is forced to abandon his studies to take over the family restaurant. When a series of burglaries sweeps through the city, their fates are joined in a way they'd never expect."

...if you have a common storyline but no common character. Something simple to get the reader's attention. If you tell us a little more about the story, we might be able to help more.

pickarooney

I had a look at the plot synopses of Magnolia, Short Cuts and a few other films and books of that ilk and they were without exception awful. I would have missed a few great films if I was judging by the two line descriptions. They all say the same thing without saying anything. The idea of starting with the common plot is a good one although bringing across the link will be tricky.

Kinski

Have a google and see if you can find the original loglines for films like Magnolia; these things aren't necessarily in the public sphere, but if you can find them they might be more useful than synopses. I don't recall ever reading one for a work with multiple protagonists, so if you turn anything up I'd be curious to see it.

Toasterspark

Any chance you'll tell us what the story is about in your own words, so we know what it's about? Or is it under wraps? :P

pickarooney

This is the few lines I have so far, just to give you sort of an idea:

A miracle plant draws the lives of six strangers together as they travel around South America in search of revenge, redemption, renewal, release and fun.



Jonas Cotton has been sent on vacation against his will. His only goal is to survive intact but a chance meeting with Andy Branson will change the way he sees life forever.


Andy has been travelling the length of the continent trying to find himself. Instead, he finds love, friendship and an opportunity to save some lives.


Noémi Valentino is trying to save her relationship and her sanity but will the exotic environment of the Amazon basin make or break her couple?


Nancy Quinn needs a new start after a tragic incident upheaves(?) her life in rural Ireland. Her journey to Machu Picchu is fraught with danger but also the chance for spiritual renewal.


Brian Bullock may have lost his brother to a cocaine overdose and the ex secret serviceman soon finds himself travelling to the ends of the earth, chasing ghosts.


Ulrike Pfeffer just wants to have a good time but when her inconsiderate friend goes and gets herself knocked up she must come up with a plan to fight the boredom. Her plan will involve

mortal danger and force her to take a long, hard look at her life.



Irish native pickarooney has been writing since before he could ski. His poetry efforts have won him a set of Puck the Goat t-shirts for his senior infants class. His first forays into

playwriting earned him a fatwa from a local gang leader. He once won a short story contest organised by himself. This is his first novel.

Kinski

Ironically, the author bio is the best one! I think the others are mostly too non-specific, speaking generally of "revenge", "renewal", etc.

It might be an idea to omit the characters' names (which don't tell the pitch's target anything important) and use a more descriptive way to introduce the characters instead. For example, you've got "Brian Bullock", and then refer to him as "the ex-secret serviceman"; in the interests of keeping things as short as possible, maybe you could just start with "An ex-sercet serviceman yadda yadda yadda..."

I'd try to convey exactly what the story is about (like you said, character, conflict, and resolution). To be sure, 'tis a challenge with so many characters.

pickarooney

Yeah, I did think all the character's names looked a bit pointless. The nerd, the jock, the hottie, the nottie, the bulldozer and the sociopath might be more useful to describe them at the outset.I'm trying to think of a better way for the various bits to run on from one another without major plot spoilers.

echo beach

pickarooney wrote: »

Irish native pickarooney has been writing since before he could ski. His poetry efforts have won him a set of Puck the Goat t-shirts for his senior infants class. His first forays into

playwriting earned him a fatwa from a local gang leader. He once won a short story contest organised by himself. This is his first novel.

Who cares about the plot? I just have to read the novel this guy would write.

Leafonthewind

I love the author bio and I think you should definitely use that. As for the pitch, it certainly is tricky because you need to include all those characters, but none of those people appear in your first chapter. If a publisher/agent asks for the first chapter, that could be a problem. So you’d either have to make your first chapter the prologue and send that part along with what is now chapter 2, or include the shamans in your pitch, which would only bog it down, in my opinion. And I think what you have now for the pitch is too serious. The characters and the humour are what I loved about the book. You should really inject some of your trademark humour into that pitch.

Toasterspark

The bio is great, that works well!

Wow, this sounds extremely ambitious. There is a heck of a lot of stuff happening there with all those characters. However, I'm still not seeing the common plot that binds them all together.

You mention a miracle plant at the start and it's a bit too vague for my liking - I think you need to elaborate on this a little more, and why it's so sought after. Otherwise, you run the risk of people reading the pitch and thinking "So, there are six different stories going on... are they all separate or what?". I don't feel like I have heard enough in your pitch to make me curious about the central plot (which is the miracle plant, yes?).

Also, I would definitely have the first line of your pitch as the last line.

pickarooney

Reworked it a little bit to remove the names, add a little more detail and hint at what links them together. The first line is the one-sentence pitch and the rest the longer one. I left out the last character to tighten it up and avoid repetition.

A miracle plant draws the lives of six strangers together as they travel around South America in search of revenge, redemption, renewal, release and recreation.




In the depths of the Amazon rain forest, a shaman waits for the world to end. Meanwhile, in Canada, a lonely geek wishes it would so he could get out of his vacation in Ecuador. Waiting for him there are all manner of spiders, snakes and loudmouth Americans, one of whom helps him turn his life around.

In an understocked hostel kitchen, a loudmouth American meets his match in the shape of a diminutive redhead. When his attempts to woo her fall flat, he concocts a plan to hack his way into the jungle and save some children from the clutches of a rogue medicine man hoarding a cure for a chronic condition. Chicks dig heroes.

When her relationship comes to a violent end in rural Ireland, a checkout girl cuts her losses and sets out to follow the dream that's been weighing on her long finger. Her journey to Machu Picchu is fraught with danger but also the chance to renew her spirit, get a tan and wear open-toed sandals without fear of mockery.

A former secret service agent is called back into action when his brother becomes the victim of an international drug cartel in Melbourne. His mission of retribution brings him across the South Pacific where he soon finds himself out of practice and out of his depth. He decides that the best way to catch a ghost is to become one.

For one Belgian girl, a trip to South America seems like just the job to revitalise her flagging love-life. But will the sultry continent lead her into temptation or reconciliation?

And just who is the unseen puppetmaster drawing the strings of their tales together and why will he stop at nothing to get his hands on the shaman's plant?




Irish native pickarooney has been writing since before he could ski. His poetry efforts have won him a set of Puck the Goat t-shirts for his senior infants class. His first forays into playwriting earned him a fatwa from a local gang leader. He once won a short story contest organised by himself. This is his first novel.

There's still not enough of an idea there of how they all link together but short of giving away the whole thing...

Leafonthewind

I think this version better reflects the tone of the book, but I'm worried that the one-sentence pitch is a little bland.

The nerd, the jock, the hottie, the nottie, the bulldozer and the sociopath

Is there any way to work that in? That would pique my interest more than all that searching for renewal and revenge and such.

pickarooney

I could put it between 'strangers' and 'together' but there's a 25 word limit in some places.
Any suggestions?

Leafonthewind

A 25 word limit? That won't be easy. Unless you describe it as The Breakfast Club on crack, set in the Amazon... But I'll think about it.

Leafonthewind

I asked a friend whether they would want to read the book based on the one-sentence pitch, and their immediate reaction was: "It's about a plant?" Perhaps it isn't necessary to mention the miracle plant in the one-line pitch.

How about something like this: "Six lives intersect in South America as the nerd, the jock, the hottie, the nottie, the bulldozer and the sociopath search for revenge, redemption or, failing that, recreation." It's 28 words though. Maybe we should have a pitch-writing contest.

pickarooney

I could pretend one of them was a vampire maybe?

pickarooney

"A shaman's secret draws the lives of a nerd, a jock, a hottie, a nottie, a spy and a sociopath together in South America."

Any better?

Leafonthewind

I like that. And shorter is better. Or you could change the story completely and make it about Jonas the Canadian vampire, hold the sparkling.

Toasterspark

That sounds much better. List the jock first instead of the nerd though.

Eggy Baby!

So you are thinking of using a false protagonist?

pickarooney

A prosthagonist.

pickarooney

This pitch (short and long) is going down like a lead balloon. I would pay good money for someone to do this - it's worse than root canal surgery.

Agent Weebley

pickarooney wrote: »

A prosthagonist.

Now that's funny!

If you don't have a protagonist (and assuming no antagonist either,) how did you create a potential difference . . . the engine, or source of power to give you a positive, negative, positive, negative . . . to move the story along? . . . my cosine wave / particle theory on stories.

My favourite synopsis of a protagonist is Don Quixote, as he is a Knight Errant who goes on a quest to right all wrongs in the world. Deluded, yes, but he is happy in his delusions and whips everyone around him into Rapture.

If I were to write a story, A Templar Template would be between my temples, as delusions are probably the easiest psychological affectation that one could include in a character's make-up some story the wife'll believe.

And yes, I did mean to use the word: affectation . . . but the oddness of character must seem very ordinary in the story, as CS Lewis explained to me in one of his books about how to write that I cannot remember right now, as I have zero time left and have to go, as it has been 2 days since my last confession so I must go like right now, even though this has been one of the longest sentences I have written here, although over 100 words is not uncommon in one of my sentences, so . . . no worries on breaking the foggy writing rules, methinks.

If you've already written the book, which, from what I have read in the Write Club area of this forum and from what you indicate above as a "pitch" . . . a finished story. . . to a publisher . . . you need a protagonist ASAP.

How about picking a dominant character out of the fray, and give him/her an omniscient narrative role that you can inject at various points throughout the story that leads the reader on wild mental goose chases. That way, you don't have to re-write it, and you can somehow create early tie-ins to what seems to be many separate stories that meet at a focal point towards the end?

Or maybe a 7th invisible omniscient narrator that pushes the other 6 into the direction changes which I assume are already in place? I just love the number 7, by the way.

Or do I have it all wrong? Am I deluded in my train of thought on the matter?