commitment issues

pixie80

I have a huge fear of intimacy. I never allow myself fall in love and when feelings start to develop I push guys away or reject them. At 31, my relationship history is very limited but I do want marriage and kids at some stage, so I do want to do something about it.

The last guy I fell for, as soon as things got serious, I ended it with him. He’ll never know how much I hurt myself in doing so. It has been 8 months and I still think about him everyday. I don’t know if we would have lasted but I know I made a huge mistake in not taking the next step forward in the relationship. I was literally too afraid to.

I was out with a group of friends yesterday. One of them was an ex of mine. I did exactly the same thing to him many years ago and I still have unresolved feelings for him after all this time.

As much I liked both of these guys, I could never get back with either of them. The same thing would happen again. I just can’t commit to anyone. I don’t know how to fix it.

It takes me ages to trust a guy. I hate that I can’t share my most intimate thoughts and dreams. I hate also the vulnerability I end up feeling. I guess it come from a fear of rejection too. I’ve had a normal childhood, no issues with abuse or violence. I can only guess that it all comes from my shy and insecure personality. I am always the quiet girl in any group.

Has anyone else experienced similar problems and can offer any suggestions or advice. I keep thinking of the next guy I meet and I don’t want it to keep happening. Thanks for reading.

Johro

pixie80 wrote: »

I have a huge fear of intimacy. I never allow myself fall in love and when feelings start to develop I push guys away or reject them. At 31, my relationship history is very limited but I do want marriage and kids at some stage, so I do want to do something about it.

The last guy I fell for, as soon as things got serious, I ended it with him. He’ll never know how much I hurt myself in doing so. It has been 8 months and I still think about him everyday. I don’t know if we would have lasted but I know I made a huge mistake in not taking the next step forward in the relationship. I was literally too afraid to.

I was out with a group of friends yesterday. One of them was an ex of mine. I did exactly the same thing to him many years ago and I still have unresolved feelings for him after all this time.

As much I liked both of these guys, I could never get back with either of them. The same thing would happen again. I just can’t commit to anyone. I don’t know how to fix it.

It takes me ages to trust a guy. I hate that I can’t share my most intimate thoughts and dreams. I hate also the vulnerability I end up feeling. I guess it come from a fear of rejection too. I’ve had a normal childhood, no issues with abuse or violence. I can only guess that it all comes from my shy and insecure personality. I am always the quiet girl in any group.

Has anyone else experienced similar problems and can offer any suggestions or advice. I keep thinking of the next guy I meet and I don’t want it to keep happening. Thanks for reading.

I think sharing your intimate thoughts, dreams, feelings comes with time spent together, and some people are more able to share than others. I've been in a relationship for years and I still have feelings I wouldn't always share or feel able to share, though my gf is the kindest and most understanding person you could ever meet. Maybe you just have to try and relax and have fun and let things develop first? Then if the relationship works you'll open up bit by bit, if it doesn't you can move on and you haven't lost anything.