Found condoms in laundry basket

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'm sitting here in complete shock typing this and am hoping someone can give me a reasonable explanation before I flip out!

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months and we are very much exclusive. We moved in together 2 months ago and things have been great so far.

He left for work this morning and I have been cleaning the apartment. I was putting the laundry into the washing machine but when I emptied the basket I found an unopened condom at the bottom. I'm on the pill so we don't use condoms. The laundry basket is woven with material around it and I felt something under the material. It was a small tube of something called 'magic gel for extra lust'. We live in Germany and my German isn't great so I had to google translate the details at the back of the bottle. It's basically a 'magic gel for pleasure'. I'm not even sure what that means. I assume it's a lubricant of some sort or something for extra tingles or sensation or whatever.

I am in absolute shock. Why on earth would he have these things? We are very open about sex and he never suggested using this gel to me. He knows I'd have no problem trying new things so he would have no reason to hide it.

What do you think this means? Why would he have these items?? Does this mean he's cheating? I don't have any idea what to think right now??

Please can somebody offer me some advice before I react. I am trying to remain calm and don't want to lose it before seeking some advice. I don't have any close friends here who I can talk to.

Thanks, and please be honest with me, I can take it.

judgefudge

Is there any chance these things were in the laundry basket for a while? Since before you got together?

LegacyUser

No. I do the laundry at least once a week and sometimes more. He works in a kitchen so his clothes need washing very often. I always empty the basket to sort through wools, colours etc and these items were not there last week. The condom was unopened, that's the one bit of hope i'm clinging too but maybe that's naive..

username123

My first thought was that maybe the stuff was there from before. Although then I thought it through and wondered why the unopened condom just popped out of its hiding place suddenly.

Then again, why would he hide stuff in the laundry basket of all places, so easy for it to be found!

You dont say if you moved in together into a new place, if you inherited any furniture, could the laundry basket have come from his family home or a friend?

Ultimately - you need to ask him about this.

I wouldnt be jumping to any conclusions yet.

x Purple Pawprints x

OP I think you should probably just ask him outright about it. It's the only way to find out the truth tbh. It could all just be a misunderstanding and they could be there from before you moved in.

_dublinlad_

Until you ask him we are all just speculating here. It could be one of many reasons. You are here asking for advice on how to approach this so here is mine: What ever you do - dont flat out accuse him of cheating. When he comes home ask him how his day was, make some small talk and casualy and calmly slip into conversation the fact that you found these objects. His imediate response sould tell you alot. Discuss it further if he gives you an excuse that you don't buy.

Heres hoping for you its innocent enough.

coco_lola

Did you ever use condoms before? And was he living in this apartment before you moved in? As another poster said, it's strange that he would hide or leave them in the laundry basket, where they are most likely to be found. I would go in with an open mind on this one and just say that you found these and is there any reason they were in the laundry basket.

LegacyUser

But guys, they couldn't be there from before we moved in. The laundry basket is mine, i've had it for years. We moved in together 2 months ago and i've done tons of washing in that time. These items are new. Why would he have magic gel anyway, does anyone know what that is? I actually thought at first it was a gay thing or something. I just don't know why he'd have a condom..

Herrick

username123 wrote: »

Then again, why would he hide stuff in the laundry basket of all places, so easy for it to be found!

coco_lola wrote: »

it's strange that he would hide or leave them in the laundry basket, where they are most likely to be found.

It would be most likely the condom was in the pocket of a jacket or a pair of pants and then fell out into the basket. Not necessarily hidden in the basket to begin with.

daithimac

two things.

Most guys will have condoms for months at a time. There one of those this you always keep in the house and not something you particularly throw out when go unused for a while. if you were going out years you may have grounds to worry but 9 months is an acceptable time to still have condoms laying around.

also is your boyfriend circumcised. if so that should explain the lube. if he is having some "alone time" then that would explain that

sameman

I have condoms in each jacket, just to be safe on the go. Talk with him, otherwise this will bug you forever. There a thousand and one ways they could get there.

Piliger

Maybe someone asked him to hold them for him. Maybe he found them. Maybe maybe maybe.... who knows.

There is only one way to find out and that is to ask. Otherwise you just get your head completely in a spin and the whole situation will explode out of control.

Stay calm and ask.

Leitrim lass

Was there any item of his clothing in the basket that you haven't seen him wear before? It may have been in a trousers or jacket pocket that he hasn't worn in yonks.

nkay1985

It could be as easy as using them for a "posh ****". Maybe it's something he enjoys when he's on his own but didn't want to advertise the fact. Maybe he found the condom in a jacket or something and, rather than throw it out, put it out of the way in the laundry basket.

It could be any number of innocent things.

If he were cheating on you, I'd think he'd be better at hiding the fact than to put a condom in a place he knows you regularly use.

StillWaters

Leitrim lass wrote: »

Was there any item of his clothing in the basket that you haven't seen him wear before? It may have been in a trousers or jacket pocket that he hasn't worn in yonks.

That was my thought too. I'm wearing summer stuff now that I haven't worn since last year.

x Purple Pawprints x

OP I think the best thing you can do is ask. But don't accuse him of cheating outright. There may still be an explanation for him having the condoms and the lube. It is possible that they could be for him for some 'alone time'.

Stavro Mueller

I would just tell him more or less what you told us. That you were putting the washing into the machine and found this condom in the bottom of the basket. Say you're wondering where it came from. You can decide from there, based his reaction and what he says, what to do next. Honestly, you will never know unless you say something to him.

LegacyUser

do you have any other reasons for thinking he might be cheating? usually cheaters are more careful about leaving evidence lying around!

sounds more like something that happened to me a few years ago. was cornered by some chlamydia testing people at college who practically forced a large selection of free condoms and lube on me and my friend, who didn't want to make a scene by refusing them. i shoved them in my bag and forgot about them, until my boyfriend went to get something out of it that evening! he got the shock of his life, but luckily believed me when i explained where they had come from. but it would have been awful if he had found them when i wasn't there to explain and gotten really paranoid

talk to him about it

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys.

He came home from work last night and I told him what happened. I calmly explained that I was doing the laundry and found these items. He said the condom must have fallen out of his shirt pocket and must be old. That's fair enough but he also said he had no idea whatsoever what the gel was. I believed him about the condom but the denying of any knowledge of the gel has me on edge still. He swears he has no clue how it got there or what it even is. He was laughing and even messed about saying well lets try it and see what it is. He made a joke out of it. I remain unconvinced of his innocence

The Big Red Button

shocksock wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies guys.

He came home from work last night and I told him what happened. I calmly explained that I was doing the laundry and found these items. He said the condom must have fallen out of his shirt pocket and must be old. That's fair enough but he also said he had no idea whatsoever what the gel was. I believed him about the condom but the denying of any knowledge of the gel has me on edge still. He swears he has no clue how it got there or what it even is. He was laughing and even messed about saying well lets try it and see what it is. He made a joke out of it. I remain unconvinced of his innocence

God, it's not much of a relationship if you honestly believe he could cheat on you and then lie to your face like that, is it?

If he's innocent (and it seems quite likely to me), I'd be pretty damn insulted and hurt if I was in his situation right now.

dellas1979

You know the man, and my advice is if something isnt sitting right with you with his explanation, and your instinct is telling you something, follow it. I think you are right to be cautious about this if there is no plausable explanation to a condom falling out of his pocket (the shirt wasnt worn/washed in how many months? And the lube just appearing there?).

Kidchameleon

Was it a bottle of lube? Sometimes you get free sachets of lube with condoms...

Payton

Tricky situation, If there has no issues where you havnt had your suspictions or he hasn't acted strange in anyway lately well you need to confront him about it and as soon as possible. If and thats a big if, he is playing around it will throw up all issues mainly STD's.
When you do confront him, stay calm, listen to him but be strong-your in the driving seat. Watch his attitude and behaviour when you have the talk. You know him more than anyone.
Best of luck.

December2012

Whether or not he has cheated now isn't the issue.

The issue is you don't trust him.

You don't believe him.

Two choices: believe him and continue with things; or

Don't believe him, and leave him.