Just dawning on me...I may end up single and alone FOR GOOD

LegacyUser

I used to be single by choice, most of my life, even through my college years (9 years altogether including a PhD) as I was so satisfied with being in my own company and busy with school, travelling and exploring life, was happy and didn't want to be in a relationship, by choice. However 3 years ago, after finishing my studies, getting a decent enough job and travelling a good bit (all I wanted to do while I enjoyed being contented in my own skin) myself, I never can find anyone, now that I am actively looking. I have joined a few clubs and societies (which I did coz I love the activities more than meeting anyone really ), I go out regularly, I am social enough, but all people ever want to do is be friends with benefit with me at the most, or just good friends.....nothing more. Sometimes I think I am cursed for life to be a single one. By the way, I'll be 31 this year, I fairly take good care of myself, female.....and a foreigner ....which sometimes leads me to think that also in a small way contributes to the situation. When I think back, the longest relationship I have ever been in, ws 9 months. Anyone else ever had this feeling or experienced this kind of thing at such an age? Most of the times I’m ok with it (being single), but a few times, like tonight, when all my mates are out with their partners, can be quiet depressing…

flowerchild

I think we all feel alone at times, even those who are in relationships. But it can be scary if you think a steady relationship is out of reach.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things re joining clubs and societies etc. Do you know why your previous relationships ended when they did? Are there any patterns you can see?

Some people decide what they really want, and then cut themselves off from other options that are not that, like friends with benefits relationships. Would that work for you? It can mean that you are really being true to your values and not settling for less than that.

And there is a bright side. As I recall from the literature, single women are on the whole very happy, happier than married women.

Pandora2

At the age of 42, one ordinary evening after work, I got together with my now Husband, a colleague I had been acquainted with for several years!! What made that day different? I don't know, Why he felt he could/should ask me out...at that time...and not 6 months before or after, I don't know but it happened and I, like you had long considered the possibility, that after my girls grew up, I would be alone in the main!

I think the less I looked at single men as a prospective 'life' partner (not in an obsessive way but, more as being hopeful of a second chance) the more attractive I became, I don't mean that to sound conceited but it was the way it seemed to be!! You seem to have a full life...get on with it, keep enjoying those activities, adopt more interests, keep educating yourself, keep travelling and, consequently, widen your social circle, the 'one' is most likely out there and whilst you are waiting, have a bloody good time, enjoy being with your friends and, if occasionally you crave intimacy, there is nothing wrong with a FWB situation as long as the rules are clear from the outset and accepted by both parties;)

I have been married for three blissful years now, my OH, a former confirmed batchelor, has become a wonderful step dad and friend to my girls and we are a real family and I know I am with the 'one' and that all roads in my life led here, it was a bloody long journey but the destination was worth it!! My Sister-in-Law met her other half on board an adventure sailing holiday in the States, moved to be with him 3 months later and they've been married 10 years now, 2 kids, she was 37 and had given up on that!! So my advice, get on with the living and the loving will come along;)

Now I'm off to the Country & Western Forum:o Good Luck!!

Ickle Magoo

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Witchie

HI OP

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that but let me tell you that you are still very young and there is every chance you could meet someone to share your life at any time.

I was in similar situation for many years and now have spent the past year in love with one of my mates and guess what....he loves me too. I had never considered him in that way until a drunken kiss at a party and now we are very happy together. I am 38 and he is 42 so these things do happen, even when you are that bit older.

Keep doing what you are doing. Go to the clubs and societies and who knows who will join it some day or how you will end up mixing with some fellow members mates and meet someone.

Keep the chin up and when you go anywhere tell yourself that you are the sexiest woman on the planet and that all the guys are looking at you. This will give you a bit more confidence and when you exude confidence you will attract more interesting people.

Good luck and hope that you find your prince charming soon.

qrrgprgua

31... Yeah you a still young. I met my wife when she was 31 and we are happily married with 3 kids.

Don't worry. Why not try some good dating websites. eharmony.. etc.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

I'm in the same position and i'm the same age. All my friends are with partners and when it comes to the weekends I find myself alone. At these times I do feel lonely. Im very active during the week with clubs and groups etc. I have gone to meetings with meetup.com. At end of day everyone is busy in their own lives. I'm happy in my own skin and company but it would be nice to meet someone with similar interests. My encounters with guys are similar to yours. I dont have any answers. I suppose it just all falls into place some day!!
Today, I decided to take some control of the situation and join a dating site. I'm not a 100% about it. It feels a little forced but what harm can it do. Atleast I can say I tried and maybe I'll meet a few friends this way I'm sure I'll come across a few odd balls but sure I come across them in the pub at least I can just delete them.

Hope it works out for you and if you get any good advise/tips let me know

Xterminator

i echo the above sentiments.

i would suggest that you ask yourself a couple of questions.

would your demeanor mean you are approachable to your circle of acquaintances? try to take a dispassionate and objective view, maybe ask a couple of friends their opinion on this. might be worth looking the the body language and signals your giving out, unconsiously.

Also do you alway wait for someone else to make a move? if your in a social situation with friends, would you be above asking someone out for coffee etc, even if just to get to know them better?

i firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone. keep your chin up.

X