Heart condition

LegacyUser

Been seeing a girl about a year, and we're madly in love. Everything is great, and I honestly would like to spend the rest of my life with her.

I knew she had to take medication for a heart condition she had, but she recently told me the whole story. Essentially she'll be lucky to make 50. Most people with the condition die in their 30's or 40's.

She's known she's had this since she was a kid, so she's adjusted her life goals to suit, and takes it in her stride. But I'm absolutely devestated and I don't know what to do.

We're both mid 20's, and until I heard this, I could picture us spending the rest of our lives together. I've never met anyone like her. I think she's amazing. She's everything I look for in a girl.

I'm not sure if I'd be strong enough to handle the inevitable when it happens. There's a strong part of me that wants to get out while I can.

On the other hand, I really do love her, and wouldn't ever want to hurt her.

P. Breathnach

All I can suggest is that you take some time to reflect on it. She has known about it for years; you have known about it for - what is it? - a few days.

It's a tough one. Do you want to lose her now, or in about 20 years' time?

ihsb

They say it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

The fact is, if your girlfriend didn't have this condition, and didn't know about it, then she wouldn't be the woman she is today.

You have to decide whether or not you want to spend 20 years with her and loose her or to loose her now.

In 20 years, you could get married, have children (if this is what you want). Or you could move on and meet someone else now to do this with.

It is such a tough decision. Make sure you talk her through it. Communication will make it easier for you and her.

_dublinlad_

I agree with everything in the above posts.

One thing I may add that is worth taking into consideration - Advances in medicine.

It could be argued that modern medice is advancing at a faster rate then ever before. Break throughs are being made all the time - a terminal condition today may be seen as standard treatable condition in 20 years. Of course you would just be guessing if your GF's condition would in fact be treatable in 20 years time, it may well not be - but I think it is something that should be added to your list of thoughts before you make your decision.

uck51js9zml2yt

Good friends of mine got married and she had cystic fibrosis.
They both went into the marriage with their eyes open knowing that she probably wouldn't make it past her mid 30's.
She died after a few years but I know they wouldn't have had it any different. They made the best of the years they had.

A relationship with someone with a terminal illness is not something to be entered into lightly but knowing it may be limited can make you live it to the fullest.
As said earlier, there can be advances in science but don't pin your hopes on what may be.
If you love her and think you would have married her, the marriage vows say "in sickness and in health" so there are no guarantees as to what would happen if she was in perfect health.

Semele

Without wanting to be morbid- you could fall in love with the healthiest person in the world and tomorrow they could be run over by a bus. I know it must be a massive shock but is it really worth throwing away years of potential happiness for something unknown? As others have said, medical advances are being made all the time- who knows what the situation will be in 20 years time?

I'd say give yourself a bit of time to adjust to the news without making any major decisions either way and just try to act as normal with each other...let it sink in and see if it's something you can incorporate into your life or if it's just too much to deal with.

LegacyUser

I was recently diagnosed with a form of cardiomyopathy at 24. It is a weakness in the muscle of the heart. This condition will worsen over time no matter how cautious I am about my health and I am at greater risk of dying of sudden cardiac death before 30 according to my cardio. I stopped thinking about how long I have left or how I will die.

My question to you is how well are you prepared to be with someone whose life is surrounded by a heart condition? I know I have my days where I am exhausted and only want to sleep. I cannot do high impact activities. I no longer have the energy I once had and can no longer go for runs. My exercise consists of mild stretching and walks. My days going for long runs are gone now. I am not sure what kind of a heart condition she has but most heart disease is the same. Chronic fatigue and lower immunity. Are you ok with the fact that she may have days where she may not want to see you because she is down? Or if you do marry her are you ok being around someone who may have lethargy, low immunity? If you catch the flu or cold, you may need to sleep in a seperate room and not kiss her so she doesn't catch it? I know this may sound over the top but I made this mistake, and kissed somebody with a cold and got more ill then was later hospitalised with double pneumonia!

Are you an active person? Are you independent? The reason I ask is if she were too sick to go out and had to not go somewhere with you and cancel out of an event, would you be content enough to go on your own? This is vital, imo because I certainly (and I assume your gf too) would not want to burden my partner (in this case you) whenever I (she) felt ill. I do not want my partner to ever feel resentful towards me because of my illness.

I know others will say it is how people handle their sickness. When someone is chronically ill regardless of how positive their outlook on life may be they will have moments and time where they are too tired to go out, or do something and may want to be left alone. This is something you have to think about for you.

It is hard enough to be with someone that has health and vitality but to be with someone that is chronically ill may have an impact on you too. You need to ask yourself this because others in this thread are not you. Whatever you do make sure the relationship dynamic is the same. Never try to be the caretaker or saviour, this will make it worse, imo. I am in no way discouraging you from entering further into this relationship and just like the poster stated before me, you can be with someone perfectly healthy one day and they get runned over by a bus. Or you could have been with me, one day healthy then the next day collapsed at work to wake up later in the hospital because of sudden cardiac failure. Life works in mysterious ways for many.