Girlfriend problems

bobaldinho

i met this girl online back in February, and in april we met in person for first time, as she is from south america and only arrived in ireland then. she is here studying and will be here for at least a year, maybe more

we have been dating since and everything has been great, we see each other every weekend because we live in different places, but we spend all our time together when we see each other and have lots of fun. i am 20 and she is 18

today she told me that in june a "friend" from belgium who she also met online, before she met me, is coming to ireland for a week in june to visit ireland and that he will be staying with her.

she also told me that she feels like she does not want to be exclusive with me, that she is young and a tourist here and she wants to experience other people, to kiss them, maybe more.

she told me she is attracted to this friend of hers from belgium, and that she does not plan on kissing him when he is here, but i know she probably will, especially because he is staying in her room with her, she says he will sleep on the floor but im not so sure.

anyway what im asking here is do people think it would be wrong if i was to leave her, i mean i have given her everything since she arrived and now she comes and tells me this, so i really feel used and betrayed

she has said it is up to me whether we stay "together" or just be friends, she says she still wants me around and in her life, that im all she has here, but i dont understand why im not enough, why she needs to be kissing others

ManOfMystery

First off, I think it's pretty obvious that she's hinting at something happening between her and this other guy. And I think it's pretty likely to happen. She's attracted to him, they're going to be sharing a room, I'm choosing to to assume he is attracted to her too if he's met her online and is happy to share a room for a week ...................... I think it's very clear what will happen here.

Has she used you to a certain extent? Probably. I think it's a bit of a cheap shot for her to suddenly turn around now (just when this guy is due to visit) and declare that she doesn't want to be exclusive.

However, the fact remains that she is 18 and is a tourist. If I was that age again and travelling to other countries, I don't think I'd want to be tied down either.

I think you should cut your losses and accept that she wants to play the field at this point. And if you're not happy for it be a casual non-exclusive thing, then end it. You've had a good time with her, just mark it down to experience and move on.

Joshua J

Well if was me I'd say thanks for being upfront about it, thank her for the time ye have spent together, wish her all the best for the future and walk away. Then get drunk.

But if you're happy being a f*** buddy and can handle the thought of her being with other dudes then stay in touch. Up to you really bro. All the best.

Blisterman

You don't owe her anything. If you're not happy with her kissing other guys, which it sound like from your post, then have some self respect and stop seeing her.

ando

Get going, leave her for the hills if you don't like the idea of her with others. She wants a non exclusive deal here, basically she wants to sleep around and sow her wild oats as she's very young and dumb, but she's being a bit grey in the way she says it to you, however the guy sharing her room, common, seriously ...

snafuk35

bobaldinho wrote: »

i met this girl online back in February, and in april we met in person for first time, as she is from south america and only arrived in ireland then. she is here studying and will be here for at least a year, maybe more

we have been dating since and everything has been great, we see each other every weekend because we live in different places, but we spend all our time together when we see each other and have lots of fun. i am 20 and she is 18

today she told me that in june a "friend" from belgium who she also met online, before she met me, is coming to ireland for a week in june to visit ireland and that he will be staying with her.

she also told me that she feels like she does not want to be exclusive with me, that she is young and a tourist here and she wants to experience other people, to kiss them, maybe more.

she told me she is attracted to this friend of hers from belgium, and that she does not plan on kissing him when he is here, but i know she probably will, especially because he is staying in her room with her, she says he will sleep on the floor but im not so sure.

anyway what im asking here is do people think it would be wrong if i was to leave her, i mean i have given her everything since she arrived and now she comes and tells me this, so i really feel used and betrayed

she has said it is up to me whether we stay "together" or just be friends, she says she still wants me around and in her life, that im all she has here, but i dont understand why im not enough, why she needs to be kissing others

Just kissing others?
She is 18 and single and living in a foreign country.
She owes nothing to you despite what you might think.
She is a free spirit and entitled to do what she likes.
There is no scope for anything more than just a fun relationship and they you will part and meet other people.
Don't get upset or angry with her.
Find yourself other girls and if you want something serious then find someone who will be serious.

Piliger

Hi OP. Frustrating as it may seem for you this is a relatively simple situation you are in.

The girl you fancy does not want an exclusive relationship for all of the reasons that seem apparent.

And not wanting an exclusive relationship with you, she therefore has no hold on you and you have no responsibility to her other than being honest and truthful, as she has been with you.

If you cannot accept her other relationships then tell her so and move on.

Killed By Death

bobaldinho wrote: »

today she told me that in june a "friend" from belgium who she also met online, before she met me, is coming to ireland for a week in june to visit ireland and that he will be staying with her.

she also told me that she feels like she does not want to be exclusive with me, that she is young and a tourist here and she wants to experience other people, to kiss them, maybe more.

she told me she is attracted to this friend of hers from belgium, and that she does not plan on kissing him when he is here, but i know she probably will, especially because he is staying in her room with her, she says he will sleep on the floor but im not so sure.

Ok, now she's not your 'girlfriend' any more. She's basically told you she likes someone else and they will be sharing a room and if you don't like it, it doesn't matter because she's doing it anyway. They will sleep together btw.

bobaldinho wrote: »

anyway what im asking here is do people think it would be wrong if i was to leave her, i mean i have given her everything since she arrived and now she comes and tells me this, so i really feel used and betrayed

I'm not suprised you feel that way. She has split up with you but is essentially said she will keep you as a back up if you will tolerate it. So no, it's not wrong of you to leave her. It would be wrong and bad for your self esteem to put up with what she is trying to propose.

bobaldinho wrote: »

she has said it is up to me whether we stay "together" or just be friends, she says she still wants me around and in her life, that im all she has here, but i dont understand why im not enough, why she needs to be kissing others

She is using you lad. Don't stand for it. Get rid, it will save you a lot of hassle and pain.

Piliger

Personally I see absolutely no evidence of anyone 'using' anyone. This girl has been completely open and honest and very fair to the OP and has made it clear that she doesn't want to be exclusive. I have a lot of admiration of this girl. Many in the same situation would not say anything.

I also see no evidence whatsoever that she has split with the OP or that she will have sex with this other guy.

Reading stuff that isn't there into what people say is not constructive and doesn't help. The OP has a choice whether to stay cozy with this girl and know she isn't exclusive, or not. It seems a completely fair and clear situation to me.

nkay1985

Yeah there's no using here I don't think. She's decided that she doesn't want to spend her time here in a relationship. She seems happy enough for you to continue to spend some time together and sleep with each other but you're not going to be the only one she's going to be doing that with. If you're ok with that, you're grand. If not, off you go. Fair play to the girl for being upfront with you.

bobaldinho

yeah well i have talked more to her about it since, and found out more by myself

she told me she knew him for longer than she knew me, and that she just wants to get to know more people, but she lied to me again as she said they only recently got back in touch after a long time of not talking, and they then arranged to meet.
turns out she has been talking to this guy and arranging for him to come over to ireland since the day i met up with her, if not before


she then came here for the weekend and i was not as loving with her as i usually am, i basically held her but that was it, dont not really even want to touch her because of the thoughts i was having

but she was all over me, kissing me holding me, saying nice things to me, much more than she ever has before, but it all seemed so fake now

i really dont know what the **** she wants from me, or if i even want her anymore

Stavro Mueller

Oh but it is very clear what she wants from you. She wants the fun of dating you but also the freedom to see other guys. The best of both worlds. The question is, what do YOU want?

AhInFairness

cymbaline wrote: »

Oh but it is very clear what she wants from you. She wants the fun of dating you but also the freedom to see other guys. The best of both worlds.

You say that like it's a bad thing. She's 18 years old and she is only here for a year. Why on earth would she want to get bogged down in a serious relationship? By the sounds of things she has been incredibly up front with the OP - she doesn't want to be exclusive with him but is happy to have fun with him. This doesn't make her some sort of heartless whore. It makes her someone who likes the OP but wants to be with other people while she is here for a short period of time. She's not forcing him to be with her while she's with other people. He can leave.

If the OP can't accept this (and judging from the last post, he really can't) he can walk away from her and find someone who wants to be in an exclusive relationship.

OP, I'm nor sure why this has you so confused to be honest. I don't think she can be much clearer with you. She likes you, likes spending time with you, likes having a physical relationship with you but she doesn't want to be your girlfriend in an exclusive sense and she wants to see other people. You have been seeing each other for a relatively short period of time so it's not like this is a bombshell that has been dropped after years of a serious relationship. Your relationship with her was always going to be temporary given her circumstances, unless you were planning a LDR.

Personally, judging solely from your posts here, I think you should walk away from her as you really don't sound like you would be able to handle a casual relationship with her. Thank her for her honesty and then say good luck.

Stavro Mueller

No, I'm not saying it as a bad thing. I'm just putting the situation in very blunt terms for the OP. I get the feeling he wants an exclusive relationship. She doesn't. There's no point in him codding himself and thinking it's otherwise. It's not going back to the way they were.

bobaldinho

hey i want to say thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post.

we spent the weekend together, she came to see me, but i visibly depressed most of the time, we went to cinema, out drinking, spent a night in together, do lots and had fun

but we talked tonight, and decided to finish it

im empty right now, a broken person

she never really liked me, she had some attraction to me, but not much, while i was quite mad for her, so it just would not work

we discussed the open relationship, but just everything was getting to me, i hassled her about the friend coming over from belgium

anyway she did not want to hurt my feelings anymore because she cares about me, wants to be my friend

i cant be her friend right now, i need time and space away from her, because we have chatted for so long everyday, either online or in person, that i had become so used to her in my life, that i need my time away from her

its gonna be ****

i hope i can be her friend one day, and maybe see her again before she goes home next year, and be happy when i see her, to see her as my friend

i miss her but i dont want to loose her completely from my life, because she is so important to me, in so many ways

anyway thanks for your help everyone, im happy people out there will listen to my problems

Stavro Mueller

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down over this. At least she was honest and up front with you, rather than having it away with the Belgian guy behind your back. Now that it's over, cut contact with her. Don't text, call, facebook, email etc. It's going to make it harder for you to get over her if you don't.

FatherlyNick

bobaldinho wrote: »

hey i want to say thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post.

we spent the weekend together, she came to see me, but i visibly depressed most of the time, we went to cinema, out drinking, spent a night in together, do lots and had fun

but we talked tonight, and decided to finish it

im empty right now, a broken person

she never really liked me, she had some attraction to me, but not much, while i was quite mad for her, so it just would not work

we discussed the open relationship, but just everything was getting to me, i hassled her about the friend coming over from belgium

anyway she did not want to hurt my feelings anymore because she cares about me, wants to be my friend

i cant be her friend right now, i need time and space away from her, because we have chatted for so long everyday, either online or in person, that i had become so used to her in my life, that i need my time away from her

its gonna be ****

i hope i can be her friend one day, and maybe see her again before she goes home next year, and be happy when i see her, to see her as my friend

i miss her but i dont want to loose her completely from my life, because she is so important to me, in so many ways

anyway thanks for your help everyone, im happy people out there will listen to my problems

Thats sad OP... But cheer up and dont give up. You seem like a nice guy who genuinely CARES about a girl. And Im sure that theres a girl who will notice that.