The Ultimate Boner Killer

The Radiator

This was something I did myself just a couple weeks ago.

Me and my girlfriend were fooling around, just kissing, touching and such. She very obviously wanted to dance the bed-time mamba. I on the other hand, had a fever and felt kinda ill, so I stalled.

After about 30 minutes of fondling and kissing, she turns to me and in no uncertain term tells me to "**** or get off the pot".

I consider it, then shrug and roll onto my back, telling her to hop on. She straddles me and smiles happily as she's finally about to get some nookie.
As I'm laying there, feeling both sick and horny (a very strange combination), I suddenly get an idea.

Just as she lowers herself onto my death stick, establishing the slightest of contact between our genitals, I draw in a deep breath and growl in my deepest, creepiest, most disgustingly obese-rapist-sultan voice:
"FUUUUUUUCCCKKKK MEEEEEEE!"

Her face immediately contorts into the funniest combination of horror, disgust and rage that I've ever seen.

As she sits there, completely speechless, me still partially inside her, I burst into the most hysteric fit of gutbursting laughter I've ever experienced. And then, taking even my by surprise, I release the loudest and proudest fart in the history of rectal discharge. This thing ripped through the entire apartement like a fog horn.

Shockingly, this brings our moment of erotica to a swift end. My GF got up and put on her clothes while I wirthed in naked laughter, tears running down my face, boner slowly receding. I was then banished from the bedroom.

Why I chose this over sex I cannot explain - all I can say is that almost two weeks and no sex whatsoever later, I have no regrets. I'm laughing as I type this.

Ghandee

Pics or gtfo.


(at least it will determine if your gf kills MY boner or not) :cool:

smash

My cat ran into a door once.

biko

Wtf, another copy/paste.

OP banned.