Have I Been Given The Blow Off?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Bit of a trivial issue I suppose but would like an outsiders perspective.

Got chatting to a girl on an online dating site the weekend before last. She seemed very interested, lots of long detailed messages, put in a great effort.

We moved to texting there last Wednesday, same again loads of texts lots of effort. She was at a friends for a few days so I guess she had plenty of time for chatting while she was alone and the friend was at work.

Anyway, sent a few texts on Thursday as well, she initiated it, had a quick chat on the phone as well. We were even talking about arranging a meet up. Then again Friday exchanged a few texts and was supposed to give her a ring but she had only returned home from her mates a good bit away and said she was wrecked and I could give her a buzz the next day.

I text first on Saturday evening and a got a reply back a few hours late, she said she had been at the beach with friends all day and was sorry for taking so long to reply. I replied and was waiting another hour or two again and got one more reply saying she was heading out. I said grand have fun and I'll chat you again. I haven't heard anything at all since Sat night.

I just found it weird cause she was mad into contact the first few days, then slow to reply the last few and I haven't heard anything the last couple of days, it's bit out of character, at least for how I know her anyway.

I left texting her since then as I was thinking I made the effort last and she can return the favor, that and I don't want to pester her seeing as we barely know each other. Her profile on the site hasn't been active since last week either, so I'm wondering if someone she thinks is better came along and is concentrating on him? Maybe I'm being given the blow off by the taking ages to reply and then hearing nothing?

I wouldn't mind but if she was no longer interested for whatever reason I'd be ok, sure maybe a little disappointed, but I'd be ok after a day or two. I just hate to be left hanging.

I was thinking maybe leaving it until Thursday or Friday and shooting her a text, what do you think? Or should I just leave it?

why do you not call her as you originally arranged instead of all this texting and agonising

seriously just ring her and ask and then you know and can proceed either way

Oryx

This tit for tat texting is a nightmare, because the length of time taken to reply, and the content of messages can be misinterpreted.

Yes, it could easily that you are being given the brush off, but the only way to find out is to get in touch. I know a phone call could be cringeworthy, but its the only way to know for sure.

Beruthiel

WillIWontI wrote: »

I just found it weird cause she was mad into contact the first few days, then slow to reply the last few and I haven't heard anything the last couple of days, it's bit out of character, at least for how I know her anyway.

tbh, I'd loose interest very quickly with someone just sending me texts.
I'd consider him to be nothing more than a teenager.
Grown ups phone you up and arrange to meet with you in the flesh.
They don't spend days on end sending you texts.
That's just plain odd.
IMHO.

chocolatrose

Sounds like she's totally disinterested to be honest and so early on...that doesn't bode well. I'm a girl and If I was interested in a fella I wouldn't be behaving like that nonsense. She sounds like she's using it as an ego boost more so than anything. It's very immature. And exactly how do you know her when you have only been in contact for less than a couple of weeks and you haven't even met her??? You can't know anyone that early on.

BraziliaNZ

Beruthiel wrote: »

tbh, I'd loose interest very quickly with someone just sending me texts.
I'd consider him to be nothing more than a teenager.
Grown ups phone you up and arrange to meet with you in the flesh.
They don't spend days on end sending you texts.
That's just plain odd.
IMHO.

People arrange most stuff over text these days, grown ups too! You always seem to fob off people trying to arrange by text but it's the way things are done nowadays!
Maybe you just need to get more to the point with your texts in future - i.e. do you want to meet me, where and when, etc?

BraziliaNZ

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

People arrange most stuff over text these days, grown ups too! You always seem to fob off people trying to arrange by text but it's the way things are done nowadays!
Maybe you just need to get more to the point with your texts in future - i.e. do you want to meet me, where and when, etc?

he arranged to call her and then went back to texting instead so he's not really showing himself well whatever your views on texts are

chocolatrose

bluewolf wrote: »

he arranged to call her and then went back to texting instead so he's not really showing himself well whatever your views on texts are

Yeah, but if she was really that interested I think she could have said "hey thought we were going to have chat on the phone today" in a playful manner.

Why continue making all the effort with someone who is being stand offish at this point.

_dublinlad_

With weather like this - she (and most of the country) has likely came home from work and went straight out for a bbq in the sun/walk on the beach etc... Personally when good weather comes around in this country I get very flakey. I barely look at my phone and am always outside doing something. Plus you have only been talking to her for a week and havent even seen her - so you cant expect you to be on her mind all the time.

I agree with the other posters, a couple of texts here and there is fine, but adults who share an interest in each other call each other and arrange to meet in the flesh.

BraziliaNZ

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

I agree with the other posters, a couple of texts here and there is fine, but adults who share an interest in each other call each other and arrange to meet in the flesh.

I'm pretty sure with the last few girls I've met and subsequently gone out with all comms were made via text. I would find it a little awkward talking to someone in this situation on the phone, text makes it all easier. I'm nearly 32 by the way so I don't think it's an age thing.

chocolatrose

chocolatrose wrote: »

Yeah, but if she was really that interested I think she could have said "hey thought we were going to have chat on the phone today" in a playful manner.

Why continue making all the effort with someone who is being stand offish at this point.

She could be thinking the exact same thing about someone who's apparently not bothered ringing as arranged

Piliger

Interpreting and counter interpreting what someone 'means' to say by text is a mugs game. Texting brings no context, no emotion, no personality. Using texting like this is looking for trouble and imho there is absolutely no way to know what the girl means until you actually talk to her ... preferably in person !

Good luck OP.

_dublinlad_

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'm pretty sure with the last few girls I've met and subsequently gone out with all comms were made via text. I would find it a little awkward talking to someone in this situation on the phone, text makes it all easier. I'm nearly 32 by the way so I don't think it's an age thing.

OK, maybe its not an age thing. Maybe its a confidence thing. How is talking on the phone awkward?

BraziliaNZ

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

OK, maybe its not an age thing. Maybe its a confidence thing. How is talking on the phone awkward?

It can be with people you don't know very well, I prefer face to face. Hence I think texting makes it easy to arrange when you see each other next.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies.

Just to clear a few things up. I chatted on the phone briefly on Thursday, was good fun, briefly discussed meeting up, nothing major just the location and things we may do, nothing concrete though.

I was supposed to call Friday evening, she had mates over and she said she'd text me when they were gone and she could talk, but heard nothing until 1am and she said her mates had stayed late and I could call on Sat. I text Sat evening to see how her day was and was then gonna ask if she was free to take a call, but she didn't get back to me until around 11pm and said she was off out. So I left it and I said enjoy your night and I'll talk to you again. I thought maybe leave it a day or two just to see if she was interested enough to contact me. Plus, I figured she would be busy with the good weather.

Everyone my age arranges things by text. Given the fact it's online dating and we barely know each other I'm not gonna just ring out of the blue, I'd prefer to ask if she's free to take a call first instead of putting her on the spot. It's how I've done it before and it's never been a problem with any other girls. If we had gone on a date or two I wouldn't mind just ringing unannounced, but not while we are essentially strangers.

Also, I didn't mean I think I know her, I just meant the contact was a complete 180 to how it was previous.

Anyway it doesn't matter. I noticed her profile was active earlier on. I sent her a text a while ago asking how her weekend went, got a long message back within a few minutes. She has an interview today and is moving to a city nearby so things her end are hectic.

I then bit the bullet and asked if she was still interested in meeting up once she gets sorted where she's moving to, that I was and I'd like to give her a call for a chat when she gets a chance. That was an hour and a half ago, so time will tell. Not holding too much hope to be honest.

stringofmisery

i agree, i wouldnt really be too keen on speaking on the phone with someone i hardly know and have never met.texting is better, but it needs to quickly lead to a meet up.i'm 28(,female,) so i dont also dont think it's an age thing.
what i think is wrong with this situation, as with many others in whole online dating scene, is the crazy amount of contact between people who have never met.
firstly, it looks super-keen, and really available....and i know, i know, it's not a 'game', but there should be some bit of a chase, and some bit of mystery left but with the mundanity of this constant contact on a daily basis, with someone you havent met,it takes a bit of the mystery out of it.i would need/want to be in constant contact with my bf, not someone i have never me.very quickly also, one person generally becomes more invested in the whole thing, while the other person can just grow tired of it.also, people can build up an image of the other person, and expect alot more decency/respect from them, and then feel hurt/rejected by the person, having built up a notion the other person in there heads.
a meet up needs to happen quickly in the online dating thing, and before that happens really, people should be very cautious, and look out for there own feelings, avoid getting all emotionally invested, and be prepared for things to fizzle out.OP, apologies for the sorta rant, but you're problem, not to take from it, is a common trait of the whole online thing......i wouldnt bother texting that girl til later in the week, then be sorta up front......'do you wanta meet up?'.....that's way mopre confident anyway, than beating around the bush. that way aswell,you'll have an answer............
ignore, that end, just read your post now

chocolatrose

Yeah, ringing unannounced at such an early stage all right would look a little desperate, pushy especially when she didn't really drop the hint to ring after ye had discussed it.

However, doing a complete 180 like that would send alarm bells soaring really. She is definitely showing a lack of interest. You could put it down to the fact she was busy but the fact she could make time to log in to a dating site instead of sending a simple text to you says it all really. A lot of people are busy, it doesn't take much time to send a text like.

Mr Bump

Hmmmm, IMHO i would pick up the phone, say hello and ask how are you, then from there the conversation opens up or closes down, there may be something wrong that has stoped her from calling, she just maybe fed up with you, but one thing is for sure, you dont know until you call, so call what have you got to loose hey, keep it simple

WillIWontI wrote: »

Hi all. Bit of a trivial issue I suppose but would like an outsiders perspective.

Got chatting to a girl on an online dating site the weekend before last. She seemed very interested, lots of long detailed messages, put in a great effort.

We moved to texting there last Wednesday, same again loads of texts lots of effort. She was at a friends for a few days so I guess she had plenty of time for chatting while she was alone and the friend was at work.

Anyway, sent a few texts on Thursday as well, she initiated it, had a quick chat on the phone as well. We were even talking about arranging a meet up. Then again Friday exchanged a few texts and was supposed to give her a ring but she had only returned home from her mates a good bit away and said she was wrecked and I could give her a buzz the next day.

I text first on Saturday evening and a got a reply back a few hours late, she said she had been at the beach with friends all day and was sorry for taking so long to reply. I replied and was waiting another hour or two again and got one more reply saying she was heading out. I said grand have fun and I'll chat you again. I haven't heard anything at all since Sat night.

I just found it weird cause she was mad into contact the first few days, then slow to reply the last few and I haven't heard anything the last couple of days, it's bit out of character, at least for how I know her anyway.

I left texting her since then as I was thinking I made the effort last and she can return the favor, that and I don't want to pester her seeing as we barely know each other. Her profile on the site hasn't been active since last week either, so I'm wondering if someone she thinks is better came along and is concentrating on him? Maybe I'm being given the blow off by the taking ages to reply and then hearing nothing?

I wouldn't mind but if she was no longer interested for whatever reason I'd be ok, sure maybe a little disappointed, but I'd be ok after a day or two. I just hate to be left hanging.

I was thinking maybe leaving it until Thursday or Friday and shooting her a text, what do you think? Or should I just leave it?

Whiteflag12

I wouldn't stress too much over it, you mentioned you met her online so I'm sure there are other profiles that may interest you. Why not channel your energy into the girls who are interested in meeting up with you. What's to say if you stressed over this girl and then met her, you might realize it wasn't worth the effort! U sound like a decent guy, I'm sure there are tonnes of single girls that would love to go on a date with you..... Whats for you won't go by you :-) who knows whose around the corner !!!

LegacyUser

OP here.

Well I never heard back, so I have my answer

I am a friend

WillIWontI wrote: »

OP here.

Well I never heard back, so I have my answer

Yeah maybe let her come to you the next time and if she doesnt respond then let her off.

Mr Bump

It sounds lie you have made your choice by saying you got your answer, i hope thats enough for you, best of luck going forward with relationships,

WillIWontI wrote: »

OP here.

Well I never heard back, so I have my answer

hightower1

Sounds like she wasnt too interested tbh, pob just looking for an ego boost, was bored or got a better (in her opinion) offer. Wouldnt give too much time to thinking about it. You dodged a bullet there, dont want to get involved with someone so flakey to begin with.

A bit of deceny would have been to reply letting you know she's up the walls BUT hasnt forgotten and will contact back. An explination being volenteered rather than having to be asked for would have been apprechiated as a matter of respect. Put her out of your head, better off. Happy hunting.

LegacyUser

OP again, I spoke too soon.

Got a text early this morning, said she had fallen asleep cause she was wrecked from all the going with interview yesterday, travelling and whatnot, woke late and said sorry she didn't reply then but didn't want to wake me...

Says she still wants to meet, but with only being offered a job yesterday she won't have time for the next few weeks as she will be in the process of house hunting and moving all her stuff at the weekends. The new place is a good few hours drive from where she is currently so I don't know...

Thoughts?

WillIWontI

OP here, I spoke too soon.

I got a text early this morning saying she fell asleep for a good bit yesterday evening as she was wrecked from the interview, travelling and whatnot. She said she was sorry for not replying last night, but she woke late and didn't want to text late in case it woke me.

She says she still wants to meet, but she has to go house-hunting and then has to move her stuff from her old place, so prob won't have much time the next few weeks. Her old place is a good few hours drive away from where she will be living and said her weekends will be used moving her stuff.

I'm thinking of just saying best of luck with moving and give me a shout when your settled and want to arrange meeting up?

Thoughts?

shoes34

WillIWontI wrote: »

I'm thinking of just saying best of luck with moving and give me a shout when your settled and want to arrange meeting up?
Thoughts?

I think I would just leave it and not text her anything, don't think you need this drama in your life.

Mr Bump

As per my first post, pick up the phone and talk, you are going now where with this, ask if she is interested, when she answers you will know, keep it simple, JMHO

Mr Bump wrote: »

Hmmmm, IMHO i would pick up the phone, say hello and ask how are you, then from there the conversation opens up or closes down, there may be something wrong that has stoped her from calling, she just maybe fed up with you, but one thing is for sure, you dont know until you call, so call what have you got to loose hey, keep it simple

2rkehij30qtza5

Hmmm...from a female perspective I don't think she sounds overly interested tbh! Sorry! But she seems to drag everything out, doesn't text when she says she will or is really late texting. I'd say she's semi interested but not in it 100% to be honest. My gut feeling is she's not pushed really. I'd leave it now, ball is very firmly in her court. I'd just continue to talk to other women as being honest, this woman is dragging her heels.

hightower1

shoes34 wrote: »

I think I would just leave it and not text her anything, don't think you need this drama in your life.

+1 on this, she's clearly not ready to get to know anyone romanticly right now so for whatever reason that is it simply wont work. She doenst have the time or inclination to get into anything right now so leave her off.

--Ryaner--

WillIWontI wrote: »

I'm thinking of just saying best of luck with moving and give me a shout when your settled and want to arrange meeting up?

Thoughts?

Yea I think that's your best option just be casual with the situation and leave her to it if she's interested she will contact you again don't worry,
Untill then get back onto the site you were on and have a look round....
Or go to coppers :P

indough

do you really want to get involved with someone this 'busy'?

WillIWontI

I text saying seeing as she will be busy, I'd leave her to it and to contact me if she wants to meet up when settled.

It's like this, I couldn't give a toss at this stage and am talking to other girls, so am gonna concentrate on them. If she's anyway interested she can make the effort, it's upto her now, as I'm not gonna be wasting anymore time on her.

Tbh I 99% I'll never hear anything back anyway and if I do, any more flakiness or anything short of arranging to meet she will be told to jog on.

As far as I'm concerned I'm moving on from this now with the attitude nothings gonna come of it.

stringofmisery

yeah, leave her.she's all excuses...........and, by leaving her be, it actually could work to your advantage, as she might get a bit more interested when she realises your not gonna persist in chasing her....bit of a wake up call, if she wants it.
plus, even if she wants to meet up etc, the road ahead seems a bit bumpy anyway with the distance.could you really be dealing with all that!

Whiteflag12

Hi OP
Think u've done the right thing, channel your energies into somebody who appreciates it. Whether she's busy or not she'd make time for you if she was interested. lots of girls would be delighted with somebody showing them the interest you have. Hope you meet somebody who appreciates it :-)

tan11ie

She was brushing you off since the Saturday night just too cowardly to be upfront and honest with you.Move on....plently more out there

nkay1985

I think you're right OP. There's a thread in The Gentleman's Club forum on here where people discuss online dating and your story reminds me of one I read in there recently. The overriding feeling from the other people in that thread who are all involved in online dating as well was that the girl was keeping the guy half hanging on as she looked for something better. She probably liked you well enough but just wasn't really interested. I she was, she'd make the effort no matter how busy she was.

Best of luck with the whole thing and check out that thread in The Gentleman's Club forum. It's under the Soc heading at the top.

WillIWontI

Thanks all, appreciate the advice.

Yeah nkay1985 I lurk in that thread alright I think your theory is right mostly. But what I think happened was there was interest initially, I'm talking a massive effort for the first week or so of chatting and texting then it trailed off just before the weekend.

I think someone else caught her eye and she is seeing how things are gonna go with him. But won't tell me she's concentrating on someone else or isn't as interested because she wants to keep me in the loop to use a backup if it doesn't work out with him.