33, alone, and afraid to chat women up

LegacyUser

Sorry if this has gone up twice I tried it earlier today with no luck so here goes.

I feel like a complete loser. Split up about 4 years ago and havent done much since. Im told Im decent looking and youthful for my age - 33. The thing is Im a bit of a manic depressive and have been for a very long time. I'd love to find someone I fancy and could be friends with. I live on my own at the moment in the UK (as an ex-pat) and don't really do much besides working.
My dilemma is this, and nobody is going to like it...I only fancy women who are between 24 and 28 mostly, that is, women way younger than me..and the problem is that I feel like a total sleazebag because of it, which makes it impossible to talk to them. I start stuttering my words and generally completely lack confidence because Im just waiting for them to say what age are you get away from me you creep..etc...its meant not staying friends with a few girls in case they thought I had other intentions/tagged me as being a creep.....
I suppose what Im asking for is to just discuss it and what I can do about it as I am going to end up a grumpy old loner....my ex did say to me she'd haunt me if I split with her and that I would end up alone....at this point she's right...oh well thanks for reading, please comment

Beruthiel

feellikealoser234 wrote: »

I only fancy women who are between 24 and 28 mostly, that is, women way younger than me..and the problem is that I feel like a total sleazebag because of it

My hubby is 8 years younger than me, I don't consider myself a sleazebag.
Relax, women in their twenties are consenting adults.

Sleepy

On-line dating would be a good way of avoiding any awkwardness around this: your age would be on your profile so any woman would know up-front what age you are in advance of any flirting.

Most women gravitate towards older guys anyway, my best friend is having more success with women at 33 than he ever had when he was younger and the girl's he's dating are predominantly in their early 20's!.

Distorted

Theres nothing wrong with having a preference in other people as to what you're attracted to. I'm female and I prefer younger men. I wonder whether you are sub-consciously attracted to those who look a similar age to yourself. In which case, the women you speak to aren't going to find you sleazy, as they won't know for a while what age you are. Furthermore, the age gap you describe is relatively small and involves fully mature adults (if you were 33 and attracted to 17 year olds it would perhaps be a little creepy). So I honestly don't know what you are concerned about.

What I do notice from your post though is that you are rather obsessed with age. Your own age, the age of other people, the age gap. It seems to go beyond what you are attracted to and be tied in with your own self worth. Even I, with my preference for younger men, if I was single and found myself getting on well with someone older, would have no problem in letting attraction develop if it was there.

And surely most attraction develops over time, except in an exceptional few cases, which kind of necessitates being able to talk to someone?

If I were you, I would concentrate on talking to women, being a good conversationalist, listening, finding out how to be someone people enjoy talking to, and forget a little about attraction or seeing every women who fits your criteria as a potential girlfriend, and then once you are more relaxed, you might just find it happens in its own good time.

davet82

nothing creepy about fancying women 5 to 10 years your junior, in fact i find most women wont put up with guys their own age and go for guys who are slightly older/mature tbh

sounds like you think your ex put a curse on you, seriously all women say that when you burn them, 'you'll be sorry... blah blah'

stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop feeling like a creep cause you aint and try some internet dating or take a stiff drink (not drunk) and relax and take a chance and chat a girl up

and also you are 33 ffs not 53 so relax!!

snafuk35

feellikealoser234 wrote: »

Sorry if this has gone up twice I tried it earlier today with no luck so here goes.

I feel like a complete loser. Split up about 4 years ago and havent done much since. Im told Im decent looking and youthful for my age - 33. The thing is Im a bit of a manic depressive and have been for a very long time. I'd love to find someone I fancy and could be friends with. I live on my own at the moment in the UK (as an ex-pat) and don't really do much besides working.
My dilemma is this, and nobody is going to like it...I only fancy women who are between 24 and 28 mostly, that is, women way younger than me..and the problem is that I feel like a total sleazebag because of it, which makes it impossible to talk to them. I start stuttering my words and generally completely lack confidence because Im just waiting for them to say what age are you get away from me you creep..etc...its meant not staying friends with a few girls in case they thought I had other intentions/tagged me as being a creep.....
I suppose what Im asking for is to just discuss it and what I can do about it as I am going to end up a grumpy old loner....my ex did say to me she'd haunt me if I split with her and that I would end up alone....at this point she's right...oh well thanks for reading, please comment

There's nothing sleazy about being attracted to beautiful young women and acting on it.
Why do you think you don't deserve to be happy?
Why do you think you are not good enough?
It's all in your head.
You broke up with your ex 4 years ago and if she says stuff like that you well then you are well clear.
If you are putting pressure on yourself that the next girl you chat up is going to be your girlfriend and then your wife and then you are going to pick the pattern of curtains or select the right type of sofa for the livingroom well then you won't get anywhere.
A 33 year old man who is goodlooking and is mature minded has lots more going for him than some immature clown in his 20s.
Relax, live in the moment and just have fun.