Too quiet?

LegacyUser

Been seeing a guy for a month now and really like him. There's one thing I'm worried about though. He's very outgoing and sociable and has a big group of friends. I'm naturally a very quiet person. One-on-one I'm fine, when I'm alone with him we get along fine and conversation flows easy. Lately though I've been going out with him and his friends more and more and I'm worried I'm being too quiet. I do make an effort to chat but when I'm with a big group of people I almost always tend to be the quietest one. I worry that his friends (and eventually he himself) will wonder what he's doing with me because I seem so shy and boring. Is this a total turn-off for a guy? Any advice? Thanks.

_dublinlad_

First off - Shy and boring are too completely different things. Some of the most interesting, down to earth and funny girls (and people in general) I have known have been fairly shy and a little awkward in large social settings.

Secondly your BF may well like this about you. I was with a girl for years that closed up a little bit around my friends, wouldnt say much - but whatever she did say was either very interesting or hilarious, and I loved that about her. There is nothing worse then being with a girl that talks too much, talks over people and generally likes the sound of her own voice. You are the opposite end of the spectrum and your BF may well like it that way.

P. Breathnach

First off, don't try to be anything other than the person you are: pretending to be outgoing when you have a quiet nature tends not to work.

Second, remember somebody has to be the quietest in the company! A group needs listeners as well as talkers.

Third, it is a mistake to equate being quiet with being boring, just as it is a mistake to equate being loud with being interesting. Some of the most boring people I know are also loud - and that makes their boringness worse, because it is difficult to ignore.

If your quiet nature is a turn-off, then he would be turned off already. It seems he's not, so just enjoy things.

Ham Sambo

Gigi676 wrote: »

Been seeing a guy for a month now and really like him. There's one thing I'm worried about though. He's very outgoing and sociable and has a big group of friends. I'm naturally a very quiet person. One-on-one I'm fine, when I'm alone with him we get along fine and conversation flows easy. Lately though I've been going out with him and his friends more and more and I'm worried I'm being too quiet. I do make an effort to chat but when I'm with a big group of people I almost always tend to be the quietest one. I worry that his friends (and eventually he himself) will wonder what he's doing with me because I seem so shy and boring. Is this a total turn-off for a guy? Any advice? Thanks.

Honestly you are worrying too much about it, from a guys perspective, quite and shy is kinda cute,

Mr Bump

AH, maybe thats a good mix, loud and quite, be confident in youreslf, just because you are quite does not mean he does not like you, he is with you for a reason,

Gigi676 wrote: »

Been seeing a guy for a month now and really like him. There's one thing I'm worried about though. He's very outgoing and sociable and has a big group of friends. I'm naturally a very quiet person. One-on-one I'm fine, when I'm alone with him we get along fine and conversation flows easy. Lately though I've been going out with him and his friends more and more and I'm worried I'm being too quiet. I do make an effort to chat but when I'm with a big group of people I almost always tend to be the quietest one. I worry that his friends (and eventually he himself) will wonder what he's doing with me because I seem so shy and boring. Is this a total turn-off for a guy? Any advice? Thanks.

Piliger

Hi OP. There was a guy here recently in another thread who was making himself deeply unhappy, obsessing about the fact that his GF was so incredibly beautiful and popular, and he was constantly afraid of being dropped and not being good enough for her.

You have to allow your partner to make their own choices.

In your case, HE chose YOU. He clearly likes that you are quiet. He likes that you are how you are. You must accept that and be yourself.

If you worry about this then talk with him. If you read any of the other threads on this forum you will see how important it is to talk talk talk.

In the meantime just be yourself. Yes make an effort to be chatty and genial, but be true to yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for the replies and reassurance. Much appreciated. You all make bundles of sense. Suppose just a bit more self-confidence on my part needed, as per usual

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

x Purple Pawprints x

OP you and your bf sound a lot like me and my bf. I'm quiet in groups of say, more than 3 or 4 people but I'm fine one on one. He's the opposite to me and in fact he's brought me out of my shell since I started going out with him. Don't worry about being quiet at all. He clearly likes you if you've met his friends already. Honestly, don't stress.