Worried about alcoholic tendencies

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm a 28/m and since reading a thread yesterday on AH about being an alcoholic I haven't been able to get it out of my head that I may be an alcoholic even though there is no real credibility behind it.

Back in college, I did the usual binge drinking thing, I used to get particularly drunk and used to blackout a bit. I realize now I wasn't at all happy in college and am quite ashamed of those days thinking back but since then I have turned it around completely. It was never anything crazy, never got into fights or did anything stupid, just being foolishly drunk a lot I guess, I would get very embarrassed the next day when people would say oh you were hilarious last night or whatever. By the end of college I had really grown tired of (what I thought was making a fool of myself) it and stopped hangout out with the crowd.

These days, I'm much more aware of my drinking and I control it a lot better and I'm a lot happier for it. For the last couple of years I've given it up between January and March and never miss it and always feel great and healthier. I am particularly conscious about my health these days and so would rarely go out on sessions, maybe once a month. I run 3-4 times per week and go to the gym regularly. I don't have an urge to buy drink when doing a grocery shop, nor do I drink alone, bar maybe a glass of wine now and then and honestly, I rarely even think about it in the sense that there is a problem. Though I do know I have a somewhat "bad" relationship with it.

I guess the reason this has kicked off in my head is that the last 3 weekends I've been out on sessions, it's rare but just happened to be a hectic few weeks of organized nights out that I had to attend. I didn't get messy drunk on any of the nights, and mostly drank bottles as I like to keep an eye on what I'm drinking, I stay away from shots too. I guess on one of the nights, I did get a bit too drunk probably because we were having so much fun and the end of the night is slightly hazy, I wouldn't say complete blackout but don't remember the exact details of going to bed, my mate who I was sharing with said I was grand when I we were talking the next morning. This weekend gone I also went out for a celebration, had a few pints first and then some bottles, drunk but nothing messy. The guilt and anxiety the next day was not pleasant. I don't exactly know what I'm guilty about.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD (obsessive thoughts) over the past 2 years and I tend to over-think things and fear/obsess about irrational worries so the feelings I get right now feel about the same but yet it's one of those things that "could" be true so I give it some sort of credence. I have been to counseling for this and it has helped me a great deal and even benefitted me as I have grown up so much the past 2 years.

To compound the issue, I know alcoholism is in my family. My dad and all his brothers are alcoholics but luckily my dad stepped up last year and got help, he is now sober almost a year and I'm so proud of him. He wasn't a violent or agressive alcoholic, he just drank cans on his own every night and fell asleep, I saw this when I was younger and never questioned the behavior, it was just normal to me. It did affect relationships in the household though, which I was completely unaware of for years, but the whole family is a lot more compact now and the whole ordeal really has stood to us all.

I guess the fear I have is that I am going to head that way even though I have taken the steps in recent years to curb the drinking and control it which I really have done if I'm honest. I think I have substituted health and fitness in it's place subconsciously. However there are things I notice, like sometimes when I'm out on big nights I don't really know when to stop, as I said though these nights out are pretty rare now. I also get a craving for cigarettes when I drink and I really don't like that, I feel terrible for smoking the next day.

I have a stag coming up soon and a few weddings and I have kind of decided in my head I'm going to drink very little to avoid the guilt and anxiety feelings the next day, I'm even contemplating giving it up but I feel I'm over reacting a little right now as anxiety levels are high. I know that if I go and drink a little more than I'm allowing myself I'll feel guilty, even though there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've been working on that with my councillor and it seems I tend to be very hard on myself when it comes to these feelings the next day.

I suppose I am glad that I have the sense to be aware of my drinking, I know it can suddenly catch up on you and take you down, which is why it's important to keep an eye on it, especially given my family history.

I think the part that scared me yesterday is that alcoholics can go months without drinking, and I thought oh I fall into that category, does that mean I qualify? I also did a few of those online tests, and some of them said yes you may be, some said you aren't, some said just keep an eye on it. I think I'm just scared of being labelled an alcoholic, is that crazy?

ok I'll finish now sorry for the long post...can anybody offer any advice?

username123

My own father was an horrific alcoholic, a bully, aggressive and a nasty piece of work with drink on him. I saw some terrible things and I am still amazed to this day at the abuse the human body can endure and still be alive.

I am frightened of alcohol. My sibling has never drank at all, he was badly scarred by our fathers drinking.

I have done my share of drinking to excess, being an idiot, making bad decisions, not remembering the next day, feeling anxious and guilty.

As I grew older I questioned my own relationship with alcohol and I once did not drink for a full year. I never ever went back to it the same way after that year. It was like a line drawn in the sand.

Now I rarely drink. To put that in context, since xmas this year I have been a a hens party where I drank more than 6 drinks, and I have been at another party where I had 4 drinks. On every other occasion I have had no alcohol or one drink. Im just not interested in it anymore. I also feel dreadfully ill the next day and can get an upset stomach that can last for days, thats a more recent development, I didnt used to be like that. It can depend on the level of over indulgence and the nature of the alcohol drank.

Anyway, I would say to you - its probably good to have a healthy fear of alcohol - if you come from a background with alcoholism in the family, its no harm to have that awareness.

On the fear and anxiety, I would feel that way too if I have too much - but a lot of people feel that way, and then just forget about it.

Dont be too hard on yourself, but perhaps dont be too anxious to be drinking 'the right amount' - maybe just enjoy the alcohol you do have and have the odd 7up in between? For me the odd soft drink in between does two things, it helps rehydrate and sober you up a bit and it also takes away the 'goo' for more alcohol - more alcohol tastes harsh after a soft drink.

btw - you are around the age I was when I began to re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol. I think it is actually something normal that people go through, particularly if they were binge drinking in their early 20s - as a huge percentage of us do.

Most of all - good luck with your continuing journey. For what its worth I dont think you will develop the dreadful disease that is alcoholism because you are reflecting on your relationship with drink and questioning it and that in itself is the right thing to do.