What am I doing wrong?

LegacyUser

Hi guys, sorry for the self-pitying post. I've just had a rough enough few months relationship wise and I'm trying to get my head around why.

Last summer, I really fell hard for a guy and for a while it was going great. He was working abroad at the time and so he went away again, leaving me under the impression that we would pick up where we left off when he returned (early this year). However, upon his return he took me out on a date during which he was quite cold and distant - then the next day he texted to say that he had fallen for someone else and wanted to end things with me. I was quite upset but I subsequently met another guy a few weeks later. He seemed really into me, he was a nice decent genuine guy, and we dated for a while and then sleeping together. After we slept together for the second time, he just never contacted me again. It's a real blow to the ego because things seemed to be going well, and it seems totally out of character for him to 'get his bit' and vanish!
Anyway, after that there were two other briefer flings - casual texting, kissing, facebooking kind of scenarios. Both fizzled out, and I have since heard through mutual friends that one of them has gotten back with his ex while the other is now in a relationship with a girl he met at college.

Sorry, but what the hell!!! Four guys, four rejections/being phased out. I'm an intelligent, attractive girl - I know for a fact that I'm not a headwrecker or a drama queen or difficult to date. But why do I keep essentially getting dumped? It hurts especially because 3 out of the 4 times, it seems I've lost out to other girls. Why am I not considered a first choice, or something? Sorry for the moaning, but I just feel so frustrated and hurt that no-one seems to care enough about me to maintain a relationship for longer than a few weeks.

For the record, all four guys (in spite of their behaviour) are decent, intelligent, ok-looking lads, not your stereotypical players/scumbags. I can't understand what I'm doing wrong!

coco_lola

OP, I feel for you, because it seems you have been hit a few times in a row, but you need to understand this is not at all about you. As you said, you have a lot to offer, you are not undateable! But everyone has different tastes, and what one guy may love about someone, another may not like at all. You didn't lose out to these girls, you were just obviously not as compatible with the guy as they were, and as soon as you learn this, the better you will feel about yourself (it took me a long time to learn this and it hurts, it really does!)

You could meet a guy who falls head over heels for you, and I'm sure there will be some girl who dated him previously, sitting there thinking "why her and not me?!". It is all about compatibility, and no reflection on you. Chin up

RealistSpy

Like Coco said, chin up.

There is someone for everyone and when the next guy comes, takes things easy and slow

GL

P. Breathnach

unregistered wrote: »

... I can't understand what I'm doing wrong!

Just a run of bad luck. These things happen. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong about you or the way you behave.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Just to take a different slant on it - take it from someone who doesn't get any attention from guys: it really is better to have loved and lost, etc. At least these dates/short lived relationships are teaching you more about what you want from a guy, and what you DON'T want or are not prepared to put up with. Every girl goes through this (except me apparently, lol!). Also, when you sit down over a couple of drinks with your friends, at least you'll have some dating/relationship disaster stories to tell and hopefully laugh about, as opposed to me who subtly (yet desperately) tries to change the subject or just sits there mute with nothing to contribute to that particular conversation. Try to take something positive from each relationship, even as simple as 'well, I now know not to date someone whe clearly isn't over his ex' or 'hmm, I've just realised I'm not into blonde guys', lol.... I'm making light of it here, but you get my drift. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Allow yourself to be pi**ed off for a few days (you're only human after all) and then get out there. You don't seem to have a problem meeting guys who seem interested in you, so eventually after all the frogs, there'll be a prince.

Distorted

What is your response when these guys told you it was over/didn't contact you again? Because sometimes I think its the people who have real tantrums occasionally (ie show their emotions) who get more attention. I'm wondering if you are a bit too passive and unforthcoming?