Stuggling to get over ex

WakaWaka88 · 27-05-2012 4:41pm #1

7 weeks ago today, my girlfriend of just over a year ended it. She said she didn't feel the same about me anymore, and couldn't go on. I'm 26, she's 28.

A bit of background - We had been sleeping together for awhile, but i always avoided bringing up the whole "relationship" talk. I just wasn't sure i wanted a relationship, and how much i liked her. But things progressed, we were all but going out, and one night she just cornered me and asked me what the story was, so I agreed we should make things official. I had been in relationships before, but none were really serious.

Within a couple of months, she had told me she was in love with me. This was all new to me, and I wasn't sure how to react, but it was certainly a nice thing to hear. She always strove to improve me, she was pretty materialistic, and always wanted me in nice clothes, even if i only called over to watch a film, she would give out if i was wearing tracksuit bottoms! We did fight quite a lot, but we always made up. I think that I felt bullet proof, and that she was so into me that she would never end it. Last October, she told me that she was done looking for anyone else, and that she wanted to be with me forever. At this stage, I was in love with her too, very much so. It was like our relationship moved at a million miles an hour. I got on great with all her family, and she told me that this was very important to her. We had even discussed living arrangments in the future.

For some reason, I always felt insecure when i was out with her. She is a good looking girl, and would get attention off guys, which she seemed to enjoy. I told her that this had to stop, and that if she was changing things about me, then I wanted her to improve for me too, which was perfectly reasonable i think. I would hear her commenting on guys to her friends, sometimes in front of me, and it drove me mad. She went out with someone for 3 years previously, and this was always in my head too. Could i make her happy like he did? She ended that, but she had kissed him as recently as 3 months before we started going out. One night on a night out in Galway in August I lost her, and had her phone, so had a look at her inbox to see if she had gone to meet someone. It turned out she had just lost me and went back to the hotel. I found texts off her ex from a few months previously, and her replies to him were pretty friendly, with smiley faces etc. She had told me she met him one night and he told her he still loved her. But she always stressed that she had no feelings for him. At Xmas time, i was at a bar with her and one of her friends, and I noticed her sending messages to a number she didn't have on her phone. I was sober, and her and her friend were pissed, so i was annoyed. Curiosity got the better of me that night, so i checked her phone, and sure enough her ex had been across the bar we were in, and she was texting him. In fairness she had text him and told him not to come near us, as i would go mad (I don't know what he looks like), but she said he is extremely arrogant and would come over and give her a kiss on the cheek etc in front of me. I confronted her and she said she was sorry and she shouldn't have been texting him more than once. But that night crushed me, and I was always on the lookout for her on nights out, whether she was off chatting to guys, or whether she would meet her ex.

But deep down, as far as i was concerned, we were deeply in love, and would be together for the long haul. I got her a watch engraved with "love you always" for Xmas. I took her away for her birthday. On New Years Eve she drunkenly told me she was having a few doubts, but she brushed them off then. I thought no more of it. Our 1 year anniversary was on March 19, and we had a fight the night before. We made up, and the following Fri night i was really looking forward to making it up to her, taking her out etc. She rang me asking would i come over for a chat and alarm bells started ringing. She said she wanted a 2 week break with no contact, to see if she missed me. I was gutted. I said i'd try, but i found it impossible not to contact her. I sent her a big long email one day at work, basically telling her how much i loved her etc. I rang her that night, and she said it was lovely but she still needed space. So the following Fri night (a week into the break) i went out with a few friends and met her out randomly. She brought me home, and she said we should get back together. The following Friday (Good Friday) we went down to her brothers for dinner and drinks. She got pissed, and when we went to bed she passed a comment that she loved me but didnt think she was still in love with me. The next day, i had booked a night away for us, and we went away together. We had an amazing night away, great fun and I thought we were back on track. The next day (Easter Sunday) we were laughing and joking on the way back home and i was never more in love with her. Then that night, I went out with one of my friends, and she went out with one of hers. I met her at the bar randomly, and she started an argument and dumped me there on the spot. I went straight home, and woke up the next morning and went straight to her place. She said she was sure this is what she wanted. I was heartbroken. I also then found out she had drunkenly rang her ex the night after our "break" ended. Again, this crushed me. She said she did it because she wasn't happy and that she regretted it straight away. I know people will probably think that she cheated on me, but I know she didn't.

When it ended, I moved away from where she lives. I work an hour from where she lives, but stayed living close because of her, and drove that far every day. I've moved in with a couple of friends, and have tried getting on with things. I've met other girls, but I just can't shake her from my head. It's the fact that she ended it so abruptly that i can't get my head around. In the weeks leading up to the break up, there were times when she seemed so happy with me. The good weather is actually depressing me, as I can only think of how much I want to be enjoying it with her! I'm constantly wondering what she's doing, if she ever thinks about me, has she met someone else. I get that it will pass eventually, but I long for her every day. I've sent her texts etc, and asked her last weekend if she wanted to meet for a coffee, as i was in the area. She said she didn't think it would help either of us. Whenever I text, she just gives me one or two line replies, and says she is sorry.

Sorry for the rant. Advice from people who have experienced similar would be appreciated!

nowyouresix · 27-05-2012 8:47pm

Sorry to hear about your story. I think you should do everything you can to keep her out of your mind, sounds like she's a bit of a headwrecker and a player. While you don't feel like it now, you may well have dodged a bullet, and in time you may very well be glad of it. But it will take time, so hang in there, and most of all, good luck !

LegacyUser · 28-05-2012 11:10am

Sorry to say this but the truth is ...she is simply not that into you.

It's hurts like hell, believe me I know. I'm going through it myself. Most of us get our hearts broken and sadly there is nothing we can do about it when the other wants out.

The best you can do is not to contact her at all. I know it's hard. But you're pushing her further away by contacting her each time.

To heal a broken heart, it always seems to be the same advice, because maybe that's all one can do to help heal..

It's case of keeping busy, new interests, socialising with friends, pursuing other girls, allow time, grieve if you have to but don't over do it, easier said than done I know....

Wishing you the best of luck. You will get through this...

SunnyDub1 · 28-05-2012 11:43am

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. Have been there before myself and it's not good.

People tend to play mind games. My Ex done it with me, one week it would be "aw I love you" "we are great together" the next week it would be "I don't think we are good together " "we are to young for this " bla bla bla.

Reality of it was we fell out of love and he was just to afraid to hurt to me and was only with me out of guilt. Which hurt me more in the long run.

If your ex really loved you and taught of you has a life partner she wouldn't be contacting her ex. Weather they are still friends of not that was totally out of line for her to be texting him, laughing and joking about it when you are sitting at the same table has her - surely she would have sense to know that it was going to upset you. If a person truly loves you they will do everything in there power not to hurt you.

Without being harsh you seem like a push over that took to much of her crap. She's not a nice person, you will later realize that. You are just blinded by love at the moment.

Delete her number/facebook whatever - cut all contact.

Best thing to do now op is start looking after number one which is you - join a gym, start a Hobie, spend more time with friends, watch loads of your favorite tv shows, take a holiday with the lads, go for a run, start looking after your health, do stuff you enjoy doing. These will take your mind off her and give you a clear head and stuff to focus one.
It worked for me, it takes time but it does get easier..

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 12:01pm

Thanks for the reply SunnyDub.

I will definitely admit that i was a pushover. It was my first really serious relationship, and the fact that she pushed to get me in so deep makes it harder for me to accept that she is willing to end it so abruptly now. I was really low all weekend just thinking about her, and i sent her an email this morning. She has mailed back saying she is sure she did the right thing. I know deep down it's over, but i guess i just miss the companionship and having someone to ring every day with any news i had.

I am pretty happy overall with my reaction since it ended. I didn't drink for the first 3 weeks after it ended, as i was afraid that it would depress me totally. But then i went speed dating with a buddy and had a great time. Without sounding vain, I am a decent looking fella, but i'm a softie deep down who was most definitely in love with her. I have kissed a few girls since, and slept with one, but I still feel empty afterwards. I've joined the gym where i am, and have moved in with single friends. There have been plenty of laughs and good moods since it ended, but for some reason it hit me hard the past 2 weeks. I try not to be alone for long periods, and am constantly on to friends, who have been brilliant since it ended. It's when i'm alone that i get thinking about her. I have promised myself that i will get into good shape by the time i turn 27 in September, and get more confident, and that I will find someone else. I lack a bit of confidence when it comes to approaching girls, so obviously there is that fear whether i will get in so deep with someone else. I'm heading on a lads holiday to the European Championships in a couple of weeks too. I honestly just wish i could delete her from my mind.

AnonoBoy · 28-05-2012 12:06pm

I don't want to depress you but 7 weeks is not much time at all when it comes to getting over a serious relationship.

You should start to feel better soon but it doesn't go away for quite a while. What you do is learn to deal with it and then one day in the future you'll realise that it doesn't hurt any more.

Best of luck.

SunnyDub1 · 28-05-2012 12:21pm

WakaWaka88 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply SunnyDub.

I will definitely admit that i was a pushover. It was my first really serious relationship, and the fact that she pushed to get me in so deep makes it harder for me to accept that she is willing to end it so abruptly now. I was really low all weekend just thinking about her, and i sent her an email this morning. She has mailed back saying she is sure she did the right thing. I know deep down it's over, but i guess i just miss the companionship and having someone to ring every day with any news i had.

I am pretty happy overall with my reaction since it ended. I didn't drink for the first 3 weeks after it ended, as i was afraid that it would depress me totally. But then i went speed dating with a buddy and had a great time. Without sounding vain, I am a decent looking fella, but i'm a softie deep down who was most definitely in love with her. I have kissed a few girls since, and slept with one, but I still feel empty afterwards. I've joined the gym where i am, and have moved in with single friends. There have been plenty of laughs and good moods since it ended, but for some reason it hit me hard the past 2 weeks. I try not to be alone for long periods, and am constantly on to friends, who have been brilliant since it ended. It's when i'm alone that i get thinking about her. I have promised myself that i will get into good shape by the time i turn 27 in September, and get more confident, and that I will find someone else. I lack a bit of confidence when it comes to approaching girls, so obviously there is that fear whether i will get in so deep with someone else. I'm heading on a lads holiday to the European Championships in a couple of weeks too. I honestly just wish i could delete her from my mind.

fair play for staying off the drink, your doing the right thing there. It will only make you feel worse. get back on track before you start hitting the beer again.

When your feeling low and feeling the need to contact her , just do something that will take your mind off it. Like watch a film, go for a run, call a Friend, browse the internet.

Try not to focus on other woman and dating just yet. Your only really on a rebound and feeling like you need to meet someone else when you don't.
Enjoy your single life, it's little things like nights out with your Friends, little trips away with the lads, spending time in the gym etc that you will start to appreciate and enjoy more.
Since splitting from my ex I realized I have a great family and Friends around me and took little things for granted that I now appreciate more cause I'm single.

I know it's hard, but just don't contact her - just keep thinking of all the bad stuff she done/said and why it has ended.

If it's one thing that will help you get over her quicker is to cut all contact, this will help you get over her so much quicker.
The further you go without contacting her there better you will feel for it.

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 1:07pm

I guess i went out trying to replace her straight away, but I know I won't be able to feel strongly for someone else for a while.

I have gotten rid of literally everything that she has ever bought me, deleted her from FB, deleted her number and all her friends and sisters numbers. I just don't want anything that can remind me of her. I gave her back a watch she got me, and she was saying that it was a gift and to keep it. I found out about 4 months into our relationship that the watch she wore every day was a gift from her ex and lost the plot over it. She thought of these things as just material possessions, I couldn't understand how looking at that watch would not make you think of your ex.

She told me in an email today that she has no feelings for me anymore, and to be honest i'm not that cut up over it. I feel that it is final, and I can't see myself contacting her again. She is happy to let me hate her, and she just said she can't explain why her feelings for me changed. When i really think hard about it, she doesn't deserve me. I did everything she ever asked of me, and changed myself for her, and she still did things to piss me off and treat me like ****. Obviously it's not that easy just to let go, but i know that one day I will be over her. I'm hoping its the companionship i miss, rather than her.

coco_lola · 28-05-2012 1:11pm

OP, you sound like you have some self esteem issues which are definitely not helping your situation right now. The problem with low self esteem is that it can magnify what can seem very innocent into something absolutely terrible. I agree that it wasn't good that she was texting her ex, but at the end of the day a lot of people keep in touch with their exes, and she wasn't flirting with him, just telling him not to come over?

Does it not tell you something about the trust you had in her that you were checking her phone? Once you start checking up on someone it becomes almost a self fulfilling prophecy, if you don't trust them they feel suffocated and can become untrustworthy.

It has only been seven weeks, so it's still early days. It won't be easy and you will feel like crap for a while, but it will get worse before it gets better. Keep yourself busy, try new things and do what you love, and if she is on facebook, just remove her/block her as a friend! Your insecurities will only play havoc with your emotions if you keep checking her profile. And whatever you do, don't contact her. She knows where you are if she wants to get in touch. Good luck

28-05-2012 1:28pm

Wow OP, you deserve so much better than this waste of time and space. Someday when you are ready and you meet someone that you deserve, you'll forget all about her and if you do you'll probably have a laugh about how you nearly got trapped with her.

She sounded like a bit of an inconsiderate airhead from your description and you are well shot of her. It may not seem like it now but you have to give yourself time.

Good luck

SunnyDub1 · 28-05-2012 2:25pm

coco_lola wrote: »

OP, you sound like you have some self esteem issues which are definitely not helping your situation right now. The problem with low self esteem is that it can magnify what can seem very innocent into something absolutely terrible. I agree that it wasn't good that she was texting her ex, but at the end of the day a lot of people keep in touch with their exes, and she wasn't flirting with him, just telling him not to come over?

I agree with you on the whole checking of the phone, there was bound to be trust issues there and a little over protection with his ex but on the other hand - There is keeping in touch and staying with an ex then theres texting them and the sly and laughing a joking about it with your freind while your partner is sitting at the same table. Bit harsh and childish imo.

Why she even felt the need to keep in contact with the ex. Surely if you are happy in a new relationship you will want to cut all contact with your past relationships for the sake of the new one. Jmo.

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 2:48pm

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

coco_lola wrote: »

OP, you sound like you have some self esteem issues which are definitely not helping your situation right now. The problem with low self esteem is that it can magnify what can seem very innocent into something absolutely terrible. I agree that it wasn't good that she was texting her ex, but at the end of the day a lot of people keep in touch with their exes, and she wasn't flirting with him, just telling him not to come over?

I agree with you on the whole checking of the phone, there was bound to be trust issues there and a little over protection with his ex but on the other hand - There is keeping in touch and staying with an ex then theres texting them and the sly and laughing a joking about it with your freind while your partner is sitting at the same table. Bit harsh and childish imo.

Why she even felt the need to keep in contact with the ex. Surely if you are happy in a new relationship you will want to cut all contact with your past relationships for the sake of the new one. Jmo.

I will openly admit that I have self esteem issues and I even told her that. She agreed that she is very chatty when she is out, but that she doesn't flirt. The fact I found that she had contacted the ex so early in our relationship hung over me the whole time and I felt like he was always lingering. I agree, checking her phone is not something to be proud of, but she's the one who acted worse.

She had said to me that her family hated him, and they all loved me. She said he's arrogant, a prick blah blah blah. Yet she still drunkenly rang him. She's full of **** and I hope she gets what she deserves.

I guess I want to enjoy single life for a while. But it's hard to get used to when one person has been your world for so long. Then that person ends it out of the blue. I hope I meet someone else that I can slowly get involved with, the last one went at a million miles an hour. Life goes on and I know it will get easier. I won't be going anywhere near the city she lives in for a long time. Its the best way to just forget her I guess.

Johnny_BravoIII · 28-05-2012 2:51pm

7 weeks ago today

7 weeks is nothing. I can take months/years to come to terms to with being dumped.

IMO she loved you but you drove her away with your behaviour.
Unreasonable jealously driven by your own insecurity’s.

She is a good looking girl, and would get attention off guys, which she seemed to enjoy. I told her that this had to stop, and that if she was changing things about me, then I wanted her to improve for me too, which was perfectly reasonable i think.

It's unreasonable. How can she stop getting attention from other guys?
Should she dress more conservatively or make herself ugly and unattractive. Should she be rude & unapproachable if a random guy pays her a compliment?
It's caveman thinking.

I would hear her commenting on guys to her friends, sometimes in front of me, and it drove me mad.

Every bloke in the world notices the hot chick walking down street. Why would women be any different?

She went out with someone for 3 years previously, and this was always in my head too. Could i make her happy like he did? She ended that, but she had kissed him as recently as 3 months before we started going out.

Insecurity = jealously = imposing behaviour RULES on your gf

I found texts off her ex from a few months previously, and her replies to him were pretty friendly, with smiley faces etc.

This ex was part of her life for 3+ years. Its not unthinkable that she should be able to be nice & civil when communicating with him.

It's sickening to me that you constantly invaded her privacy by checking her private phone messages.

Curiosity got the better of me that night, so i checked her phone, and sure enough her ex had been across the bar we were in, and she was texting him. In fairness she had text him and told him not to come near us, as i would go mad

She had to warn her ex that her gorilla, caveman, bog-spitting, uncivilised, tempermental, new bf is so twisted with insecurity that he would flip should he kiss her on the cheek and say hello!

If I was the ex I would be worried.

But that night crushed me, and I was always on the lookout for her on nights out, whether she was off chatting to guys, or whether she would meet her ex.

But deep down, as far as i was concerned, we were deeply in love

The fact you can write these 2 sentences one after the other is mind boggling.

She told you new years she was having "doubts", which you chose to ignore. The fact she rang her ex after your breakup means nothing. Of course he still cares what’s happening to her & is probably keeping an eye out. They may have no feelings for each other romantically.

Even when the relationship was breaking down. She asked you for space, which you refused her.

You are insecure, possessive, aggressive, jealous, disrespectful….etc.
If you were dating my sister I would do everything possible to get her away from you. Unless you take this as an opportunity to sort your insecurity issues, you are doomed to repeat this cycle for the rest of your life.

28-05-2012 3:03pm

I do agree that the OP has some self esteem issues that he does need to confront before he gets emotionally involved with someone again but there was some of her behaviour that was a bit much too. She just didn't seem to know what she wanted but some of the OP's behaviour i suppose could have contributed to that too. I think the main thing here is that the relationship moved way too fast for both of ye

SunnyDub1 · 28-05-2012 3:08pm

Johnny_BravoIII wrote: »

7 weeks is nothing. I can take months/years to come to terms to with being dumped.

IMO she loved you but you drove her away with your behaviour.
Unreasonable jealously driven by your own insecurity’s.

It's unreasonable. How can she stop getting attention from other guys?
Should she dress more conservatively or make herself ugly and unattractive. Should she be rude & unapproachable if a random guy pays her a compliment?
It's caveman thinking.

Every bloke in the world notices the hot chick walking down street. Why would women be any different?

Insecurity = jealously = imposing behavior RULES on your gf

This ex was part of her life for 3+ years. Its not unthinkable that she should be able to be nice & civil when communicating with him.

It's sickening to me that you constantly invaded her privacy by checking her private phone messages.

She had to warn her ex that her gorilla, caveman, bog-spitting, uncivilised, tempermental, new bf is so twisted with insecurity that he would flip should he kiss her on the cheek and say hello!

If I was the ex I would be worried.

The fact you can write these 2 sentences one after the other is mind boggling.

She told you new years she was having "doubts", which you chose to ignore. The fact she rang her ex after your breakup means nothing. Of course he still cares what’s happening to her & is probably keeping an eye out. They may have no feelings for each other romantically.

Even when the relationship was breaking down. She asked you for space, which you refused her.

You are insecure, possessive, aggressive, jealous, disrespectful….etc.
If you were dating my sister I would do everything possible to get her away from you. Unless you take this as an opportunity to sort your insecurity issues, you are doomed to repeat this cycle for the rest of your life.

Johnny_BravoIII - all your comments are well out of order. Where do you get off ? having a bad day are we ?

I'm sure op knows himself of the mistakes he made but at the moment I'm sure he doesn't want to be reminded and just wants to get on with his life. Comments like your aren't very helpful.

If you haven't got anything good or positive to say, don't say anything at all.

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 3:25pm

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Johnny_BravoIII wrote: »

7 weeks is nothing. I can take months/years to come to terms to with being dumped.

IMO she loved you but you drove her away with your behaviour.
Unreasonable jealously driven by your own insecurity’s.

It's unreasonable. How can she stop getting attention from other guys?
Should she dress more conservatively or make herself ugly and unattractive. Should she be rude & unapproachable if a random guy pays her a compliment?
It's caveman thinking.

Every bloke in the world notices the hot chick walking down street. Why would women be any different?

Insecurity = jealously = imposing behavior RULES on your gf

This ex was part of her life for 3+ years. Its not unthinkable that she should be able to be nice & civil when communicating with him.

It's sickening to me that you constantly invaded her privacy by checking her private phone messages.

She had to warn her ex that her gorilla, caveman, bog-spitting, uncivilised, tempermental, new bf is so twisted with insecurity that he would flip should he kiss her on the cheek and say hello!

If I was the ex I would be worried.

The fact you can write these 2 sentences one after the other is mind boggling.

She told you new years she was having "doubts", which you chose to ignore. The fact she rang her ex after your breakup means nothing. Of course he still cares what’s happening to her & is probably keeping an eye out. They may have no feelings for each other romantically.

Even when the relationship was breaking down. She asked you for space, which you refused her.

You are insecure, possessive, aggressive, jealous, disrespectful….etc.
If you were dating my sister I would do everything possible to get her away from you. Unless you take this as an opportunity to sort your insecurity issues, you are doomed to repeat this cycle for the rest of your life.

Johnny_BravoIII - all your comments are well out of order. Where do you get off ? having a bad day are we ?

I'm sure op knows himself of the mistakes he made but at the moment I'm sure he doesn't want to be reminded and just wants to get on with his life. Comments like your aren't very helpful.

If you haven't got anything good or positive to say, don't say anything at all.

I'll choose to ignore that ridiculous post above. I'm sure your sister is lovely and all, but I'll stay clear if that's ok with you.

Look we all have issues. She doesn't know I looked at her phone etc, so that has nothing to do with what happened. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I think the fact I know she was contacting him behind my back makes it easier to just tell myself that she's not worth the fight. She cheated on this last guy too, so she's no angel.

As I said, onwards and upwards

Johnny_BravoIII · 28-05-2012 3:30pm

Johnny_BravoIII - all your comments are well out of order. Where do you get off ? having a bad day are we ?

I'm sure op knows himself of the mistakes he made but at the moment I'm sure he doesn't want to be reminded and just wants to get on with his life. Comments like your aren't very helpful.

If you haven't got anything good or positive to say, don't say anything at all.

The OP openly recognises that he has self-esteem issues.
He back's off recognising that the behaviour stemming from these insecurity issues was abnormal or unreasonable. Should he not learn lessons? Should he not at least try a little bit of self-examination? Seriously?

This guy imposed behaviour rules on his gf, invaded her privacy, stalked her in public around nightclubs, could potentially erupt in violence should an ex kiss her hello.........this is not cool IMO

Just for good measure...............

I found out about 4 months into our relationship that the watch she wore every day was a gift from her ex and lost the plot over it.

Op, you are a ticking time-bomb.
Your behaviour is overly possessive and abnormal.
Recognise this & address it.

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 3:34pm

Sounds like you have had bad past experiences yourself buddy! Look you don't know me or her, and there is plenty stories I could tell. I was looking for advice on moving on...not a ridiculous lecture from someone that knows nothing about me.

Thanks to all the positive replies though folks, I'm sure I'll be fine!

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 3:34pm

Sounds like you have had bad past experiences yourself buddy! Look you don't know me or her, and there is plenty stories I could tell. I was looking for advice on moving on...not a ridiculous lecture from someone that knows nothing about me.

Thanks to all the positive replies though folks, I'm sure I'll be fine!

28-05-2012 3:49pm

Johnny Bravo is a bit strong on emphasizing his points but i do agree that the OP should look to work on his self esteem issues and insecurities. I suppose if you don't fully appreciate yourself at the end of the day then no one else will.

BraziliaNZ · 28-05-2012 3:53pm

WakaWaka88 wrote: »

Sounds like you have had bad past experiences yourself buddy! Look you don't know me or her, and there is plenty stories I could tell. I was looking for advice on moving on...not a ridiculous lecture from someone that knows nothing about me.

Thanks to all the positive replies though folks, I'm sure I'll be fine!

He's being a bit harsh - but seriously what's wrong with wearing something an ex got you? I still use a bag an ex bought me about 7 years ago, I don't well up every day when I pack my gym gear!

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 4:05pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

WakaWaka88 wrote: »

Sounds like you have had bad past experiences yourself buddy! Look you don't know me or her, and there is plenty stories I could tell. I was looking for advice on moving on...not a ridiculous lecture from someone that knows nothing about me.

Thanks to all the positive replies though folks, I'm sure I'll be fine!

He's being a bit harsh - but seriously what's wrong with wearing something an ex got you? I still use a bag an ex bought me about 7 years ago, I don't well up every day when I pack my gym gear!

I'm of the opinion that a watch symbolises more than a bag. I couldn't look at a watch that she got me without thinking of her. That would obviously pass with time. And yes I know I need to work on my insecurities, I hope it's a learning curve for me

BraziliaNZ · 28-05-2012 4:12pm

WakaWaka88 wrote: »

I'm of the opinion that a watch symbolises more than a bag. I couldn't look at a watch that she got me without thinking of her. That would obviously pass with time. And yes I know I need to work on my insecurities, I hope it's a learning curve for me

Yes but should people not be allowed think of their ex partners?

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 4:14pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

WakaWaka88 wrote: »

I'm of the opinion that a watch symbolises more than a bag. I couldn't look at a watch that she got me without thinking of her. That would obviously pass with time. And yes I know I need to work on my insecurities, I hope it's a learning curve for me

Yes but should people not be allowed think of their ex partners?

Thinking and contacting are two different things unless I'm mistaken. And contacting at three in the morning when you're with someone else...is that the same as thinking about too?

BraziliaNZ · 28-05-2012 4:15pm

WakaWaka88 wrote: »

Thinking and contacting are two different things unless I'm mistaken. And contacting at three in the morning when you're with someone else...is that the same as thinking about too?

I'm just trying to say that you shouldn't have a problem with someone having a watch or scarf or anything else which was a gift from an ex

Johnny_BravoIII · 28-05-2012 4:58pm

Ok, out of the vast range of incidents and issues involved here, lets look at the two current topics.
1. Contact with ex
2. Watch

IMO there are 2 distinct time periods in the relationship. The 1st period up to christmas where she fell deeply in love and thought you were the 1.
The 2nd time period when she came to the realisation she couldn't live or love a guy with your jealous personality. After christmas she told you she was beginning to have doubts.

1.
Nothing appears unusual in your original explanation of her contact with the ex. You found 3 month old text messages during the time period he tried to get her back, she rejected him declaring her love for you.

The 2nd incident she texted her ex to tell him not to introduce himself for fear of you "losing it".

After christmas there may have been some contact but at this point the relationship was on the rocks. Your jealous behaviour had wrecked it and she was looking for a way out.

2. Watch
The idea that your ex gf had a life with other men before you makes you ill with envy which results in rage. This is an over-reaction. Its extreme and probably very frightening for your ex gf.

How is she to know what will trigger your next episode?
A photo, a bag, jewlery from ex bf's?

The reality is your gf had lots and lots and lots of hot steaming sex with more ex bf's than she will ever admit. It's likely she banged em all silly happily. It's possible she had a good time in car seat's, bathrooms and alleyways, 3 per weekend, 2 at once....?. Who knows?

I'm not trying to be cruel. It's the reality of life.

Guy's deal with it by being confident enough to think they can do better!!
You don't have any so can never deal with the above properly. This is what tears you apart. You failed to realise that this woman loved you and for her, ex's were long forgotten.
She expected that if the love was mutual then it shouldn't matter to you either.
In her mind: "how could you care about the past if we are in love right now?"

You don't get this .
You refuse to acknowledge it.
Unless you do, you will always have a disfunctional relationship with women.
Best of luck.

Taltos · 28-05-2012 5:04pm

OK - let's cool it down here a bit before we have to start issuing warnings/infractions/bans.

Can I remind all that as per our Charter posters are encouraged to give an opinion once they are civil and constructive.

What is not permitted though is back-seat moderation or personal attacks - any more of this will result in an infraction/ban. If you have an issue with a post kindly report it.

Challenge the poster - not the poster.

Thanks
Taltos

WakaWaka88 · 28-05-2012 5:52pm

Thanks for the helpful answers. I'm not some psychotic jealous person, but some people seem to think so! You can close the thread now, I've found a lot of helpful answers here.