Should I keep my house or should I move?

midnight_train

Hi everyone,

Bit of a dilemma, nothing as serious as what others are going through, but still stressing me out. I'd appreciate some advice from the Boardsies!

I've posted a few threads here before on my situation, but here it is: I am American (half Irish), have been living in Ireland for nearly 10 years and really, really love Ireland. But I have never been sure if I want to live here forever and ever. I think the feeling of not being truly settled has made it hard for me to form lasting relationships and really set down roots. Part of the problem is that I don't have a permanent job here and my immediate family are in the States + my mother is very ill (Alzheimer's) so I'm back and forth a lot, plus I feel guilty living so far away just because I love Ireland (and not because I'm married with a family over here or have an amazing job). My dad minds my mother full time and I feel guilty living so far away, although he has never pressured me about the situation.

Anyway, nearly a year and a half ago, I met my boyfriend when I was back in the States for holidays. He is from Dublin but has been living in New York for 15 years and is very settled there. Fast forward about 16 months, we are still together and I love him very much. I was home for a good while over Christmas and spent a lot of time with him, and when I came back to Dublin, I REALLY missed him and felt quite lonely and a bit bored with my life here (add to this that I am 35 and would like to have children, so sometimes I feel like me being on my own in Dublin is me wasting time in this regard). He has been asking me from day one to move to NY but I never felt ready. However, when I saw how much I missed him after Xmas and how I wasn't enjoying life in Dublin as much as usual, I decided to move to NY for the summer. I got a very good teaching job for summer at a university in Manhattan and have organized a few other bits and pieces to keep me going.

When this was all falling into place, I was beyond excited to move to Manhattan for the summer, spend time with my boyfriend, and face some new challenges (my job here, though not very stressful and quite enjoyable at times, is not very challenging and I feel I could be doing more with my life. I have felt this way for a long time. There's also no chance of promotion or anything, so it's pretty much a dead end. Day to day, it's not bad, though). However, as the time draws closer, I'm really feeling afraid to leave Dublin - and this gorgeous weather is making it even harder!

A big problem is where I'm living. I rent a fabulous house in Dublin that I just love. I've been living with a good friend of mine, but she's moving out. So my plan was to move out of my house as well as I know the cost of living in NYC is very dear and I don't need to be wasting my money paying rent on a house I'm not living in, especially with my friend moving out too. The job I have in NY is finishing up on 5 August, so I've gotten leave from my job in Dublin until then, and I'm expected back at work here in the first week of August.

But the thing is, I don't know what I want to do for September. Part of me wants things with NY and my boyfriend to work out great, so that I can come back to Dublin in August, work a bit, tie up loose ends, and go back to NY and enjoy my favorite season in the USA - autumn leaves, Halloween, pumpkins, Thanksgiving with my family But when my boyfriend was talking about my plans for September, I started getting nervous and freaked out and thinking about how scared I'd be to leave Ireland for longer than a summer.

So, in this sense, I'm keen to keep on my rental house in Dublin so I'd have a place to fall back on (even though I would most likely be living with a stranger). But then what if I end up paying rent on my house in Dublin for the two months that I'm gone and I either 1. decide to stay on in NY, so I'd have wasted that two months rent on 'keeping' a house that I don't end up moving back into? or 2. I decide to stay in Dublin in September, but I'll be living with a stranger and I might not be happy. So again, I'll have paid two months rent on a property that I may not want to stay in, depending on who's living there. Friends have suggested I try to sublet my room for the two months. Perhaps that's an option.

I just don't know what to do. I hate the thought of giving up my house. But besides not wanting to waste money, perhaps my quest to move on with my life means letting go of this house, even though it scares me. It's just that I've never lived in such a nice place and I'm afraid I'll never find such a nice place again!! Not knowing what I'm doing in September is a big problem too

Ugh. Sorry this was so long. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

LegacyUser

You're overthinking this. Move out, box up all your stuff at a friends place/put in storage for the summer, and if you decide to come back in September, just rent a one-bed apartment around the same area if possible. No annoying strange new housemates then, seeing as your friend is moving out too! Personally, from reading your post, it seems to me that you're eventually going to move back to the US anyway (perhaps even only coming back after the summer to tie up loose ends if things go well with your bf!!?) so don't sweat the small stuff.

Have a great summer

I am a friend

Op did you post before about issues with your bf? if so I hope they have been sorted to your satisfaction but if not, I would not be giving up anything until after the summer.

If you are not the same person then I agree with the above - leave the place and get somewhere new when you come back.

midnight_train

Hi I am a friend, yes that was me who had issues with my bf. Thankfully, we have worked things out and things between us have been much better.

The issue really is living in the States. Although I'm from there, I don't know if I could ever settle there again. I love going back on holidays but I feel very attached to Ireland. So this summer experience is a time for me not just to spend time with my boyfriend but also figure out if NY would be right for me ...

But if it's not right for me, I would much rather come back to this house than to have to find a new one.

Hard to decide what to do. Thank you and thanks to the other poster for taking the time to read and offer advice