Friend that is full of drama

blacklilly

Hi All,

I have a friend who I've known all my life. We are both in our mid twenties.

The thing is, this girl is full of drama and not one week goes by drama free.

All conversations relvove around her and she has no interest in my life.

She is constantly asking me for advice on things, although she never listens to any of it.

I'm pretty much elergic to drama and will try to avoid it at all costs.

I feel exhausted after every time we meet because she just fills me full of the drama that's going on in her life and keeps asking me advice.

I know the advise I give her is good sound advice but it's never taken on board.

I'm beginning to think that she is not a true friend. She sometimes snears at some of my beliefs and slags me becuase I'm interested in current affairs etc. I've had a difficult year but I've dealt with my issues myself mostly. Put it this way, I wouldn't dump my issues on someone else.

She never asks how I am or how I'm feeling and all conversations relvove around her. I'm getting really fed up with it.

Has anyone any advice on how I can deal with this. I have told her that I don't think she listens to my advice and I'm tired of talking about the same "drama" over and over. She called me 3 times this week looking for advice. I have a tough job and alot of after work meetings. On Wednesday this week one of my meetings went terrible and I was verbally abused for two hours and threatned. I was really upset after the meeting, she called me looking for advice as usual, I had been crying and it was propbably obvious from my voice. She asked what was wrong and I briefly told her what had happened, then she said "look i'm in a rush and need your advice" in orther words she wasn't bothered about me. I gave her advice as usual that was that.

Herrick

blacklilly wrote: »

she called me looking for advice as usual, I had been crying and it was propbably obvious from my voice. She asked what was wrong and I briefly told her what had happened, then she said "look i'm in a rush and need your advice" in orther words she wasn't bothered about me. I gave her advice as usual that was that.

That is all you need to look at. She is a user and nothing more. She has no interest in whats going on with you, apart from what you can do for her.

No one needs people like this in their life, get rid of her Lilly

G-Money

Phase her out.

That might seem harsh or a big move but look at it this way, would you really be losing anything by not being friends with this girl anymore? You've said yourself she's completely wrapped up in herself and is full of drama. That would do my head in. I can't stand drama queens myself and sometimes I swear they just over-react deliberately and create drama on purpose.

I'm a guy and I remember this one girl I kind of got talking to from an internet dating site and I'd got interested in her. She told me about something that happened at work and how she reacted and while I was kind of being supportive in my head I thought "Who reacts like that?" and "That was completely over the top and unnecessary".

People like that love the drama, even though they'd probably never admit it.

It's too much hassle for me and I avoid it like the plague.

SunnyDub1

Hi Op,

Could of written what you have wrote there word for word myself.
Was in the exact same position as you a couple of months ago.

The girl I was friends with was selfish, in love with herself, bitchy, drama etc etc - basically the girl was just not a nice person.

She would bad mouth , bitch and say awful things about one particular group.
Evereytime she rang it was all about her, she never picked up the phone to call it was alway me who would have to ring her... When I did talk to her I would just feel crap and on edge after the call.

I decided that it just wasn't good and she wasn't a Friend, I eventually stopped calling her and just cut all contact.
I heard from her once or twice after this, but now we don't speak. If i seen her in the street of course we would stop and talk but thats about as far as it goes.

Believe it or not I then started to hang out with the girls she would always bi*ch about - turns out they are the nice friendly ones, who I now have loads of time for and they have loads of time for me

I think the best thing you can do is cut contact with her. You don't deserve that. It might be hard but seriously from my own experience she is no Friend. A friend is someone who listens, makes you feel good, enjoys your company etc.

You will be such a happier person without her trust me

djimi

blacklilly wrote: »

On Wednesday this week one of my meetings went terrible and I was verbally abused for two hours and threatned. I was really upset after the meeting, she called me looking for advice as usual, I had been crying and it was propbably obvious from my voice. She asked what was wrong and I briefly told her what had happened, then she said "look i'm in a rush and need your advice" in orther words she wasn't bothered about me. I gave her advice as usual that was that.

I cant believe you didnt hang up the phone on her when she said that. Shocking stuff. My advice would be to cut her loose for a while; stop taking her calls and responding to her texts and see how she reacts. She doesnt sound like much of a friend but if she is then it might give her a wakeup call.

blacklilly

This girl is also a cousin so it makes it more difficult.

She does love drama and even thesmallest of things get made into huge issues.

She started sleeping with this guy 2 years ago. He tild her he had a partner but they were seperated but living in the same house becuase of mortgage etc. He never once brought her out and basically used her as a f*ck bag. She became obbessed with him and would over analysis everything. I told her from the get to not even get involved and I figured he wasn't being truthful.
Long story short she found out two weeks ago he is married. She rang me crying asking advice etc. I asked her what did she expect and to move on with her life, focus on herself and not men for a change. Now she keeps saying she is going to go to his wife! I'm thinking "wtf" why would you do that. His wife is not going to hug you and say thanks a million.

I'm kinda ranting now but I have spent so many, too many hours talking about this excuse of a man to giving her advice and I'm sick of it.

I don't get involved with drama because I want an easy simple life yet I feel like i'm being implicated in drama by her.

SunnyDub1

blacklilly wrote: »

This girl is also a cousin so it makes it more difficult.

She does love drama and even thesmallest of things get made into huge issues.

She started sleeping with this guy 2 years ago. He tild her he had a partner but they were seperated but living in the same house becuase of mortgage etc. He never once brought her out and basically used her as a f*ck bag. She became obbessed with him and would over analysis everything. I told her from the get to not even get involved and I figured he wasn't being truthful.
Long story short she found out two weeks ago he is married. She rang me crying asking advice etc. I asked her what did she expect and to move on with her life, focus on herself and not men for a change. Now she keeps saying she is going to go to his wife! I'm thinking "wtf" why would you do that. His wife is not going to hug you and say thanks a million.

I'm kinda ranting now but I have spent so many, too many hours talking about this excuse of a man to giving her advice and I'm sick of it.

I don't get involved with drama because I want an easy simple life yet I feel like i'm being implicated in drama by her.

Next time she rings looking for advice, do what she does to you "bit busy at moment, I'll call you back"

Seriously ignore calls and texts hang out with different friends, she will eventually get the picture and maybe learn a valuable lesson.

G-Money

Even better, next time she rings, don't answer.

thefeatheredcat

Sounds like you're basically your cousin's free counselor. And she probably just likes to have a soundboard, someone to talk it all through with and having stuff happen in life that is her own making and by her own poor choices and decisions.

There's nothing you can really do here except realise she is what she is, someone who has zero interest in you for you and how you are and only comes to you with the drama so she has the attention. She sounds very self absorbed and selfish and sounds like she enjoys telling everyone her latest drama probably because she gets some attention out of it, even if it is negative.

I had pretty much the same situation with my sister (and she had the same issue with some guy). If you don't want to be part of the drama then walk away and have nothing to do with it. I pretty much told my sister I didn't want to know and stopped being available to her. Had told her before to stop talking at me (rather than with me) whenever on the phone or in person, encouraged her on getting counseling (she always came looking to me for advice and never listened or took any of it on board) and any time she started to talk at me I simply get up and walk away or be totally passive and disinterested because I refuse to be drawn into her dramas. Like if something happens that equates to drama I just let her sort it out herself, don't get myself involved and say I don't want to know and show as little interest as possible and give as little attention as possible.

The benefit of it all: peace and quiet. I don't have to deal with knowing things that I'd rather not know, or having to deal with whatever her problems are or providing a solution to, or any kind of worry or stress from dramas and situation she creates for herself.

Take a step back from her and from being the listening pole or sound board for her. It will let you see even more so how self absorbed she really is. Just because you are a cousin doesn't mean you have to be treated so disrespectfully and made feel so unvalued as a person. No doubt your cousin will just find someone else to use until they tire of it too.

Cheeky_gal

Hi OP, as another poster said I could have written that whole post myself

My best mate was exactly like that. Whenever we hung out he would constantly talk about his life and how his weekend was. He would never show an interest in mine. After he would spend a long time waffling on about his "gossip" he would go "how was you weekend anyways?" and I could say something outrageous like "Oh I was rushed to hospital with such and such!" and he would reply "oh god that's terrible.. So yeh back to my weekend!" ....

I phased him out and now I've never felt better. He was a total user. If you do the same I would bet money on it that you too will feel better

LegacyUser

I think I can relate to your cousin!
Can I explain coming from the other side? Although I can only speak for myself. I think my life is often about issues, because I grew up in a family of 8,we were too close in age, my parents couldn't possibly give us the attention we needed. Then my Mom died making
us become young adults over night-my dad wasn't emotionally involved, he was just there. I'm not proud of conversations being mostly about me. I often feel guilty after. But at the time, I genuinely forget. Yes, I need to try harder. I feel it's more a habit that I need to break. I am not proud of it.


I'm not saying your cousin is right. And I certainly wouldn't change the subject to me if you highlighted a problem . If my cousin/friend had a problem I would be delighted if they opened up. But, I honestly find that when I meet with friends, they allow me to talk first and I could really ramble, I try to remember to ask what's going in with them, but often I find they might say 'not much'.

I don't agree with ditching your cousin. A cousin is blood related. I think you really need to be honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel, just like you did here.
If she doesn't change after that, then I can understand if you'd like to lessen the contact.

We all deserve to feel heard.
Good luck

blacklilly

Thanks for all your replys and advice on this.

It's a difficult one from the point of view that she is my cousin as well. I've decided to give her a wide birth and see how it goes.

The thing is she is not a bad person and can be thoughtful in other ways but just too self consumed for my liking.