Boasting GF

LegacyUser

Hi RI

Looking for some reassurance and advise if anyone could give me some.

I've been going out with this girl who I am nuts about for the past six months and she's great except for one thing that's really starting to annoy me.

She hasn't missed an opportunity to boast about her sex life before me since we met. We're both in our late twenties so I'm not some naive virgin. I have my past too but I try not to bring it up. She however constantly brings up exs and that she had been with a lot of guys. She has also pointed out which of her mates she has been with which I'm finding just makes things awkward.

I suppose what I'm trying to figure out is if there is a subitle way of getting her to cut this out or if some of you think this is normal and I'm overreacting and being sensitive.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Taltos

I'm sorry OP but had to respond as soon as I saw this.

No - this is not normal and cries out to me that she is just an attention seeker (was going to use a different word here but didn't want to get banned).

Suggest you call her on it - tell her that her constant bragging and lack of sensitivity is impacting how you feel about her. If she chooses to continue though I think I would be heading for the hills - unfortunately this means that you do know her next partner will hear all about you...

Actually thinking on that - would cut her loose now, her lack of awareness of others is not something that is magically going to change overnight.

LegacyUser

Try saying something casual or jokey to start with, I'd say. Something like "Jaysus, that's not something a boyfriend wants to hear about" or "I understand you've a past, that doesn't mean I need a history lesson". If that doesn't work then try a serious conversation.

Beruthiel

Grrrrrr wrote: »

I suppose what I'm trying to figure out is if there is a subitle way of getting her to cut this out or if some of you think this is normal and I'm overreacting and being sensitive.

I find her behaviour crass, rude and insensitive.
Personally, I wouldn't even be bothered about being subtle. She's certainly not.

If my partner was to constantly go on like that I'd bluntly tell them:
"not only am I not interested in what you got up to before we met, but I find it quite thoughtless, crass and insensitive that you think it perfectly fine to remind me on a constant basis that you had a sex life before me."

Remind her that you prefer discretion.

Big Bag of Chips

I agree with everyone else... Just say it out straight. It's very childish on her part.

Why are you afraid of saying it to her? You should feel you can be honest in your relationship. And if you're putting up with something that upsets you just so you don't upset her... Then that's not good.

There has to be give and take in every relationship, and this is something very unneccessary that she is doing, that upsets you. So if she cares about you she'll stop, and you should feel comfortable enough in your relationship to be able to bring it up, without fear of her reaction.

stargazer 68

Beruthiel wrote: »

If my partner was to constantly go on like that I'd bluntly tell them:
"not only am I not interested in what you got up to before we met, but I find it quite thoughtless, crass and insensitive that you think it perfectly fine to remind me on a constant basis that you had a sex life before me."

I have to agree. If I was dating someone like that he would soon be kicked into touch. Its disrespectful to you, previous partners and future partners too!

I know in the early stages of a relationship we are worried about upsetting people however I wouldnt - she clearly doesnt!

P. Breathnach

I believe strongly that one should never talk about who one has slept with. It's stupid, and it is also an invasion of the privacy of those former partners: they might not want it broadcast, especially if it was a one-off event.

OP, consider what might happen if your relationship ended. Would you like her telling somebody else what happened between you and her?

Faith

Maybe she's trying to make you feel jealous. Perhaps she equates jealousy with proof that you care about her. Like everyone else has said, you need to have a chat with her and tell her that you don't appreciate that behaviour and tell her that she needs to stop.

iguana

Or maybe she's pointing out which friends she's slept with in the past because she doesn't want you to feel as if she's hiding it from you. A lot of people would be upset to find out after getting to know someone that they had slept with their partner. They'd feel a bit like they'd been kept in the dark or taken for a fool. Perhaps your girlfriend has had an ex in the past who felt that way and she is trying to be open with you.

aidan24326

iguana wrote: »

Or maybe she's pointing out which friends she's slept with in the past because she doesn't want you to feel as if she's hiding it from you. A lot of people would be upset to find out after getting to know someone that they had slept with their partner. They'd feel a bit like they'd been kept in the dark or taken for a fool. Perhaps your girlfriend has had an ex in the past who felt that way and she is trying to be open with you.

I understand you're going out of your way to be nice here and that's no harm, but really you're well wide of the mark. What she's doing is highly insensitive and smacks of major 'look at me' attention-seeking.

I don't think your sexual past should be a taboo thing and it's no harm to talk about it a bit if both feel comfortable with that, but at the same time constant reference to your past sex life and bragging about it is just thoughtless and insensitive and makes her sound like a fcuking idiot to be honest.

I'll bet if he was the whole time bragging about all the hot chicks he pulled and all the amazing sex he had she'd be none too pleased.

G-Money

This would do my head in.

Sounds to me like she's just trying to get attention or get a reaction out of you, pretty childish behaviour and thoughtless on her part, to put it mildly.

I don't know why any partner would want to constantly bring up ex's to their current parter, especially if they haven't specifically asked about them.

In my head OP, I'd almost be thinking about packing my bags and leaving her. Or to burst her bubble, next time she's bragging about how some guy fancies her, I'd say "you should have went for it". It will totally throw her off.

But anyway, I think this behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud soon. If not, I'd be starting to plan my exit strategy if I were you.

Sleepy

No chance she's trying to hide the fact she was a virgin before you OP?

Some people let their insecurities lead them to do strange things...

I am a friend

I agree with the other posters saying it's extremely bad form that she speaks about her ex's like this. It's very indiscreet and really out of order. It would turn me right off and would worry me that she would be telling the world about us if it were off. If you want to stay with her ( I couldn't but it's up yo you...) then she needs to know how iff her behaviour is.

Smithey88

What type of person talks about their ex's and previous sex life to their current boyfriend / girlfriend!? :rolleyes:

That sh*t is not healthy. Knowing you are only with her 6 months. I'd end it. Because at the 6th month mark you are still in the stage of getting to know someone. And you're hearing this?

ihsb

I will never forget the date that I was told what the last girl he had slept with was into and that it was an "experience".

Anyway I agree with the other poster on one point. Maybe she is trying to fill you in on the other people, as they are still in her life. But I find her behaviour tasteless, I am sure it plays havoc with your head (especially as meeting these people as you carry on to date her could get awkward).

The only thing I can suggest, is to talk to her. Tell her how you feel about what she is telling you. If that doesn't work then maybe you doing it back to her might SHOW her how it feels.

beks101

The last thing most people want to think about is their girlfriend/boyfriend having sex with someone else. Let alone a host of other partners.

What's she's doing is massively disrespectful towards you. If my boyfriend started the same rubbish I'd lose a serious amount of respect for him. Some things are best kept to yourself, it's sort of an unwritten rule in a relationship, unless both of you have decided to divulge and it's a mutual thing. That's obviously not the case with you, as by the sounds of things she just keeps harping on about her conquests, unprovoked.

Sit down and make it clear to you that not only do you not care, but that if she continues, you won't be sticking around to hear it.

Wompa1

I had an ex that was like that. It didn't bother me much for the first few months but 9 months to a year into it, just knowing about everything she had already told me was like a dagger through the heart. If I was you I'd cut my losses, she's showing you the kind of person she is, you don't like it. Bail now to avoid getting stung

Oryx

Ask her, 'why do you feel the need to tell me that?'

This behaviour could have so many reasons behind it that you need to have a proper conversation about it. Not an attack, but a serious talk. Find out what is driving this quite bizzare need to be so explicit about her past.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
My gf used to do this when we first started going but maybe not to the extent you experience.
I called her up on it and told her I didn't care about her ex partners and asked her why she felt like she had to tell me. Her response kind of shocked me. Her friends had told her I had a "reputation" and it was her way of dealing with it and she had fears I would leave her or cheat on her. We talked things out and 5 years later couldnt be happier.

Talk it out OP, sometimes people act crazy when they are self-concious