Fight too much, or for too long?

Newnua

Long story short.

Proud parents of 8 month old child.

Me, Irish male 35 - she, Danish female 36.

Tough times with redundancy since we started going out over 3 years ago.

We flare up in our rows, but while we manage the rows better - there was the occasional physical lashing out by her for which much sincere regret followed - the rows tend to last days. The thing is, nowadays these rows seem to be once a week ...

We love each other, but we drive each other crazy - to the point of threatening always to walk out.

What's going on? Is there any hope for us ? We've been through so much, both of us together and individually and we would both like things to settle down - will they ever ?

Taltos

OP - please use the links on the charter - if she is being physically abusive and it is escalating this is not a good situation for either you or your child.

You owe it to yourself and your child to get both of you out of there.
Abuse
http://www.amen.ie/

I really can't say much beyond that - you and I both know that what she is doing is wrong - most especially since it is getting worse.

Please reach out to a group that is better placed to advise and help you - chances are you won't want to listen to that advice - but force yourself to for all of your sakes.

Newnua

Physically, things are much better i.e. no physical stuff anymore. We did some counselling Sep/Oct at her instigation - but after a lapse in rows, we're arguing now again.

We are facing some other issues, my continued redundancy and seeking mortgage approval - she doesn't handle stress that well.

How much though is too much fighting? Are we facing an uphill battle; is there an easy-ride down the other side of the hill ?

Joey the lips

Stick with it. Go back to your doctor together and make another appointment for counciling.

Every relationship goes through a bad point. Even ours.

Piliger

This doesn't strike me as abuse. More like out of control conflict. In my view you need to tackle this problem immediately, however, before it destroys any chance you guys have at all.

You have to get help, now, to find out the root cause of the conflict, because there IS a root cause. It's not just differences of opinion. If you can identify the root cause you will be in a position to use the help there is out there to find a way back.

Good luck.

Taltos

Piliger wrote: »

This doesn't strike me as abuse. More like out of control conflict. .

Newnua wrote: »

there was the occasional physical lashing out by her for which much sincere regret followed - the rows tend to last days. The thing is, nowadays these rows seem to be once a week ...

OP - if you were female and came here asking what you should do - after reading your post about "physical lashing out" - I would give you the same advice I gave above and this - any relationship where there is any form of abuse - physical/emotional/psychological is one in serious need of help.

This is nothing to do with your different races and is more to do with her inability or unwillingness to learn to deal with her anger / frustration - taking it out on you is not acceptable.

Look you said it yourself - the time between fights is decreasing and they go on weeks - this is not healthy and has all the earmarks of a toxic relationship.

My best advice to you is to get out and not to go back unless
a) she gets the help she needs
b) you both continue couples counseling and learn how to deal with your disagreements - I mean life is just one jumble of stress you both have to learn how to rise above it and enjoy time together.
c) she learns from this and never ever lets the pattern take over her control again

I don't mean to sound preachy here but reverse the positions for a moment and imagine your sister or mother or cousin came to you looking for advise where their partner had gotten physical with them - what would you tell them?

I am a friend

I agree with the last poster and its also not a nice environment for a child to grow up in. Stall the mortgage until you have your issues sorted.