People think I have no right to complain

LegacyUser

A fairly minor issue, but one that's been bothering me a lot. Apparently some people in work think I'm a bit of a moan. I have my moments, but I'm also really happy and upbeat a lot of the time. I stayed late last night to get something done and one of the people I don't think likes me, asked me why I am always so negative. Before I had a chance to answer, she told me I had no right to be so negative and that I should be grateful for being pretty and slim (?!?) and having a boyfriend.

I told her that I'm having quite a hard time at the moment. I have several medical conditions that are causing me to spend a lot of time at the hospital. These also mean I'm often in pain and/or feel groggy which obviously has an impact on my mood. I recently lost my granny, who I was very close to and used to live with and a very close friend. She pretty much totally dismissed me and said 'well you should just fake being happy like I do' (?!) The woman in question can be pretty miserable herself, she never stops going on about her visa issues (she's American) and how hard it is to find a man. I was really annoyed that she obviously thinks she has it much worse than I do and told her that, to which she replied sarcastically, 'yeah it has to be hard to be beautiful.'

What do you say to that? I find it really annoying that I'm not 'allowed' to complain while other people are. It's just beyond me that people could think that being attractive means you have an easy life.

tinkerbell

Just ignore her. Also you should try to reign in being personal at work if you're always moaning about something, yes you are having a hard time right now but keep that for your close family and friends, it's not really appropriate for work colleagues. You need to keep professional.

AckwelFoley

It is annoying.

I suffer from depression, I've had what I perceived as a pretty rough time, and in many ways was and is.

What I've learned is however, everybody has their demons. I remember sitting at a table with 4 people, one had being raped by a neighbour over the course of 2 years when she was younger on top of dealing with arthritis (shs in her late 20s) and another woman was raped by her grandfather as a child and lost her marriage only after a few months.

It made me stop and realise.. Everybody has problems

This woman I suspect Kay simply be jealous ans ironically be the moaner, not you.

We all like to wollow in a bit of self pity, nothing a bar of chocolate wpuldnt fix.

Don't let this woman under your skin, she's ignorant, whenshe makes thew comments don't retort with personal details, make light of the situation, giving her details is giving her more than she deserves.

Taltos

You do realise this was a great tactic by her to make herself feel better at your expense...

Limit your contact and don't engage on personal discussions - what happens in your life is your business and once you start trying to justify yourself or your demeanor in work it is a slippery path.

Let her get on with her visa/man/next victim hunt and you just focus on yourself.

In olden days - ooh way back in the 80s - she would be called the local busybody...

vitani

Hard as it might be, it would be worth looking at how you talk to see if there's any truth in it. I've a natural tendency to moan, and really have to force myself to reign it in or else I'd irritate the bejaysus out of everyone else. It's not pleasant being around someone who's negative - my mother (who I inherited my moaning from) can be very difficult to take at times because she insists on seeing the worst in every situation.

HJL

She said you were pretty, beautiful and slim. And said how hard it is to find a man.

Is it possible that she is lesbian and fancies you/was sussing you out?

LegacyUser

It is always the best policy to keep personal problems and negativity about the job outside of the workplace. The only people who need to know about health problems are your boss and h.r. Stay professional at all times. You never know, somebody might try and use details of your personal life to get at you. This woman sounds jealous, as other posters have said limit your contact with her.

leahyl

HJL wrote: »

She said you were pretty, beautiful and slim. And said how hard it is to find a man.

Is it possible that she is lesbian and fancies you/was sussing you out?

Or is she just jealous of her? I think that's the issue to be honest. She's just using the OP's apparent 'moaning' as an excuse to say these things to her. She was way out of line with what she said. Unless you are being moany to the point that you are affecting everybody else at work then I think she's over reacting. It's not her place to tell you how to be in work (ie. fake being happy) and you certainly shouldnt feel that you need to divulge your personal information/health issues to her just to justify your behaviour. It's none of her business.

LegacyUser

I work with a girl who is so negative it is draining. She is lovely in other ways but jeeze, optimism is not her strong suit. She is permanantly complaining and sometimes I feel like saying to her that she has her health, her husband, her beautiful healthy child, a roof over her head and a good job and that she should just be thankful for what she does have instead of lamenting all that she doesn't.

Sounds to me OP that this girl was just trying to point out what you DO have in your life which is good and maybe you could try to be more thankful for all the good things in your life.

Susie_Q

Have you considered that maybe you genuinely do moan a lot at work? I know people who do this and to be honest it's very tiresome and irritating. Maybe just take some time to reflect and be conscious of what you're bringing to the office in terms of banter and chat. Leave your personal problems at home and things will improve. All the best.

LegacyUser

Is it "some people" or just this woman?

If it's just this one woman, ignore, her or call her it.
"What does my appearance have to do with my illness or my grief at losing my grandmother?"

If it's more than one woman, maybe you do share too much.