people using you

cena

I gave this family nine years of of my looking after there kids For them to turn around two weeks ago. That i've to stay away from the family. Have not done anything or said anything to said family.

I even brought their oldest lad to all his matchs, trainning etc as his parents wouldn't do it. They took the piss one sunday when the club was going to Dublin for a tournament the morning of it. Asking if I would bring him as they didn't want to go. It was all fine to use my all these year for matchs, ringing me to bring the kids to places they couldn't or didn't want to go too.

Now they have to do it themself without any problems. Their people that should never had kids. storys I could.

i'm so angry and hurt over this. I don't need this when i've got depression

AckwelFoley

If they abruptly told you to "stay away" pretty much, they have a reason for it other than they not needing you I suspect.

Could you think of any reason they would say that?

Beruthiel

cena wrote: »

I gave this family nine years of of my looking after there kids For them to turn around two weeks ago. That i've to stay away from the family.

I also, am finding it difficult to believe that there is nothing behind this change in attitude.

cena

The only reason I can come up with is I stopped picking up there son from there house just cause I got fid up driving to out of my way to bring him to trainning and matchs when both parents were at home.

Also I helped them out one week by minding there kids at there house. Wife came home one of the days and just started giving out why I didn't keep the fire going and why where the kids toys all over the place and why didn't I make them tidy up.

They wounldn't listen that day cause they were in there house but If they were in my house they would of tidy the toys away. They are use to not tidying toys in there house. She then asked the kids was I not looking after the them all day. I didn't have to help them out it was my week off away from kids

aN.Droid

Seems you came out the best in this situation then not having to be around people like that.

cena

I feel a weight has been lifted off me since they have gone. Bit childish telling me to stay away from the kids when they and training and the matchs. Not sure if I should say anything to anyone in the club just in case they say anything.

Penn

I'd just say and do nothing. You haven't indicated that you're connected to the family in any real way (eg. they're not related to you, or in-laws or anything), so you should just let them at it. It's a kick in the teeth when you've spent so much time with the family and stuff for them to just cut you out, but at the same time, not having you there helping might make them realise how much they did depend on you and how much you did help out.

But with no attachment to the family, you should just leave it alone. Treat the kids like they were any other kids from now on.

wylo

sorry to sound accusative or naive, it just sounds odd that out of nowhere they would tell you stay away from the family, its one thing slowly cutting you off with no appreciation for the time you've put in, but "stay away from the family?", were they always that extreme? And if so , howcome you've been putting in that much effort for them for that long?

cena

wylo wrote: »

sorry to sound accusative or naive, it just sounds odd that out of nowhere they would tell you stay away from the family, its one thing slowly cutting you off with no appreciation for the time you've put in, but "stay away from the family?", were they always that extreme? And if so , howcome you've been putting in that much effort for them for that long?

It was mainly cause of the kids. The oldest came down one day and started telling ous he was asked to tidy up the toys outside that his younger brothers. Turned around and said something to his father. He picked up the sons hurl and smacked him in the back. Child said he couldn't sit down for the day.

Both parents bully the kids behide the doors. The husband well pick on you for now reason thinking its a joke.

ManOfMystery

OP, what was the exact setup here? Were they friends of yours? Were you employed by them as an au pair, or just a childminder? Was it on a full-time or part-time basis?

You say you 'helped them out' which doesn't sound like something an employee would say, so forgive my confusion. I think you need to elaborate a bit more on what the exact circumstances of your role were before we can comment fully on why you're no longer in it.

cena

ManOfMystery wrote: »

OP, what was the exact setup here? Were they friends of yours? Were you employed by them as an au pair, or just a childminder? Was it on a full-time or part-time basis?

You say you 'helped them out' which doesn't sound like something an employee would say, so forgive my confusion. I think you need to elaborate a bit more on what the exact circumstances of your role were before we can comment fully on why you're no longer in it.

My mother was there childminder and I helped out. We had the oldest since he was six months. Nine years of our lifes we gave this family. The eldest thought of me as his brother. We went to the cinema together. I was the first and only person to bring him to the cinema. etc. He was by my side nearly seven days a week. I would go up to there house and look after the kids if they were gone out for nights out or when my mother wasn't able to look after them. I did there homework with them as well.

greenteaicedtea

Try to move on and forget about this family. Sounds like a good thing if you don't associate with them. It sounds like you were working for free, and getting a bad attitude from the family as well. Move on to something better.

Pa Dee

cena wrote: »

ManOfMystery wrote: »

OP, what was the exact setup here? Were they friends of yours? Were you employed by them as an au pair, or just a childminder? Was it on a full-time or part-time basis?

You say you 'helped them out' which doesn't sound like something an employee would say, so forgive my confusion. I think you need to elaborate a bit more on what the exact circumstances of your role were before we can comment fully on why you're no longer in it.

My mother was there childminder and I helped out. We had the oldest since he was six months. Nine years of our lifes we gave this family. The eldest thought of me as his brother. We went to the cinema together. I was the first and only person to bring him to the cinema. etc. He was by my side nearly seven days a week. I would go up to there house and look after the kids if they were gone out for nights out or when my mother wasn't able to look after them. I did there homework with them as well.

You seem very angered. Was your mother not getting paid for childminding ? Did you enjoy helping out ? If not why did you do it so ?

cena

Pa Dee wrote: »

You seem very angered. Was your mother not getting paid for childminding ? Did you enjoy helping out ? If not why did you do it so ?

Not angry more up set by what has happened. She minded these kids for two years while the mother was not working for free. It went on to be a joke where she would come at dinner time for the other kids so hers could be fead for free. Ya I did enjoy the helping out

Daisy M

Sounds like you and your mother have been used and now you are no longer needed they want nothing more to do with you. Its not the childrens fault so dont let it cloud your judgement of them. Most people dont use people like this your kindness was taken advantage of but not everyone you meet will be the same.

Big Bag of Chips

If you are genuinely concerned about abuse in the family (and not just making a malicious complaint, because you feel used after all these years) then you should ask who the "go to" person in the club is. Do not discuss your concerns with anyone else. It doesn't need to be broadcast, and should be discussed on a "need to know" basis.

There should be one person appointed in the club that if someone makes an allegation, or someone suspects a child is being abused/neglected etc they go to. This person then liases with the relevant people and authorities.

It is part of the Child Protection Training that all club mentors should do.

Other than that, forget about the family. They are obviously not nice people and you are better off not being taken advantage of anymore.

Edit: if you don't know who the person to speak to in the club is, ask someone. But do not mention any names or indicate who you want to discuss.

cena

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If you are genuinely concerned about abuse in the family (and not just making a malicious complaint, because you feel used after all these years) then you should ask who the "go to" person in the club is. Do not discuss your concerns with anyone else. It doesn't need to be broadcast, and should be discussed on a "need to know" basis.

There should be one person appointed in the club that if someone makes an allegation, or someone suspects a child is being abused/neglected etc they go to. This person then liases with the relevant people and authorities.

It is part of the Child Protection Training that all club mentors should do.

Other than that, forget about the family. They are obviously not nice people and you are better off not being taken advantage of anymore.

Edit: if you don't know who the person to speak to in the club is, ask someone. But do not mention any names or indicate who you want to discuss.

There is meeting coming up for the kids about bullying etc. IT is been been done the guy in charge of the child welfare thing. I know who the guy. Only up the road from me

Big Bag of Chips

Go to him first. Don't bring it up at the meeting. It is a sensitive issue and one that should be handled sensitively. The children don't need to think that everyone is talking about them, and if any allegations are found to be untrue, the family don't need to be the subject of the parish gossip.

But if they ARE true it also needs to be handled sensitively and properly. The person in the club will have proper training in how to handle it. You don't.

cena

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Go to him first. Don't bring it up at the meeting. It is a sensitive issue and one that should be handled sensitively. The children don't need to think that everyone is talking about them, and if any allegations are found to be untrue, the family don't need to be the subject of the parish gossip.

But if they ARE true it also needs to be handled sensitively and properly. The person in the club will have proper training in how to handle it. You don't.

all is true. The kids told ous ourself and seen it first hand in there house