Ex cheated on new girl with me, do I tell?

LegacyUser

I'll keep the back story brief. My boyfriend dumped me about 10 months ago, after nearly 4 years together (about 2.5 living together). I'm in my late twenties, he's in his early thirties. The breakup was a surprise to me and he didn't do it in a very considerate way(there was no cheating involved). As well as that, the only reason he gave me was that he was sick of me being sad all the time (I was in a soul-destroying job that I came home crying from a lot of days). I had to move home to my parents house and lost some friends when we split.

We met at a wedding about 3 months later & slept together, but other than that haven't been in contact very much.

I've had a very difficult time since we broke up, just a lot of crap happening to me, and I still miss him even though he was horrible to me. But I was getting on with my new life as best I could.

About 3 weeks ago I was in an accident and had to have surgery -on the long road to recovery now. He knew about this and had sent a few emails saying he hopes I'm ok etc.

He called me on thursday and asked to meet me in my local for a pint. He sounded a bit upset (turned out had been to a funeral) so I went along to make sure he was ok. We were chatting and after about 20 mins were holding hands and/or he was rubbing my leg or something (all initiated by him).
He asked was i single, I said yeah, and returned the question and he said he was too. Now, I had no intention of getting back with him or anything, but I obviously miss him and still have feelings for him. He kept saying very nice things to me and we ended up kissing and such. He kinda tried to get me into a taxi with him but I insisted I would walk to my house and we left it at that.

2 days later, I was talking to a mutual friend only to discover that my ex has been seeing another girl. No idea how long for or how serious, but I text him to ask what the what! He called me back on Sunday and said yeah, he should have told me he was seeing someone else but he didn't want to upset me. I said he's upset me more now, considering what happened and how he was carrying on with me on Thursday and he said " what are you talking about? Nothing happened, you're making this up to get back at me, why are you doing this" etc..... Basically denying it all. I'd say he'll pull the "too drunk to remember" card but he only had 2 or 3 pints with me, and didn't seem that drunk to be honest but I know he'd had a few drinks at the funeral.

Now, he said he'd been seeing her for a few weeks (I suspect it's longer). She's a good friend of another mutual friend of ours (well, more my ex's friend than mine). I've met her before. I am upset that he's seeing someone else - but I knew that was gonna happen sooner or later and I just have to try my best to deal with that.

I don't know whether to keep this to myself, or tell someone and let it get back to her or something. The issue is that he'll most likely try to deny it all and I'll come across as the crazy jealous ex-girlfriend.


Any opinions?

The_fever

ruined wrote: »

I'll keep the back story brief. My boyfriend dumped me about 10 months ago, after nearly 4 years together (about 2.5 living together). I'm in my late twenties, he's in his early thirties. The breakup was a surprise to me and he didn't do it in a very considerate way(there was no cheating involved). As well as that, the only reason he gave me was that he was sick of me being sad all the time (I was in a soul-destroying job that I came home crying from a lot of days). I had to move home to my parents house and lost some friends when we split.

We met at a wedding about 3 months later & slept together, but other than that haven't been in contact very much.

I've had a very difficult time since we broke up, just a lot of crap happening to me, and I still miss him even though he was horrible to me. But I was getting on with my new life as best I could.

About 3 weeks ago I was in an accident and had to have surgery -on the long road to recovery now. He knew about this and had sent a few emails saying he hopes I'm ok etc.

He called me on thursday and asked to meet me in my local for a pint. He sounded a bit upset (turned out had been to a funeral) so I went along to make sure he was ok. We were chatting and after about 20 mins were holding hands and/or he was rubbing my leg or something (all initiated by him).
He asked was i single, I said yeah, and returned the question and he said he was too. Now, I had no intention of getting back with him or anything, but I obviously miss him and still have feelings for him. He kept saying very nice things to me and we ended up kissing and such. He kinda tried to get me into a taxi with him but I insisted I would walk to my house and we left it at that.

2 days later, I was talking to a mutual friend only to discover that my ex has been seeing another girl. No idea how long for or how serious, but I text him to ask what the what! He called me back on Sunday and said yeah, he should have told me he was seeing someone else but he didn't want to upset me. I said he's upset me more now, considering what happened and how he was carrying on with me on Thursday and he said " what are you talking about? Nothing happened, you're making this up to get back at me, why are you doing this" etc..... Basically denying it all. I'd say he'll pull the "too drunk to remember" card but he only had 2 or 3 pints with me, and didn't seem that drunk to be honest but I know he'd had a few drinks at the funeral.

Now, he said he'd been seeing her for a few weeks (I suspect it's longer). She's a good friend of another mutual friend of ours (well, more my ex's friend than mine). I've met her before. I am upset that he's seeing someone else - but I knew that was gonna happen sooner or later and I just have to try my best to deal with that.

I don't know whether to keep this to myself, or tell someone and let it get back to her or something. The issue is that he'll most likely try to deny it all and I'll come across as the crazy jealous ex-girlfriend.


Any opinions?

Blank him and get in with your life .

Littlegirllost

Hi Op,
I wouldn't say anything as you will definitely be told you are the jealous ex making trouble. I hate saying this but I do believe he used you as he was feeling low and wanted attention.

For your own sake I would stay well clear, if he contacts you again just ignore him. I had an ex like that and I got strung along for too long.

judgefudge

I wouldn't say anything.. It doesn't seem like you're over him and he would obviously make you out to be crazy and jealous.

I can see why you might feel like she should know but in this situation I'd look out for number one and block him from your life. She will find out sooner or later what he is really like.

Walk away op and focus on your happiness, and he contacts you tell him where to go!!

Neyite

ruined wrote: »

The issue is that he'll most likely try to deny it all and I'll come across as the crazy jealous ex-girlfriend.

This. Stay well away from this mess. Concentrate on you, not them.

You, as far as you were aware, were doing nothing wrong, he is the cheater here. However, no matter even if you were caught red-handed with him, he can paint you as the crazy jealous ex, and its especially believable if people know you are finding it hard to get over him.

Leave him in the past - he is a cheat and a liar and you dodged a bullet. Remember that, and look to your future.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice folks, I'll do as you say and just leave it be & try move on.

After all the things he's put me through I still miss him. I wish I didn't.

rainbowtrout

ruined wrote: »

He called me on thursday and asked to meet me in my local for a pint. He sounded a bit upset (turned out had been to a funeral) so I went along to make sure he was ok. We were chatting and after about 20 mins were holding hands and/or he was rubbing my leg or something (all initiated by him).
He asked was i single, I said yeah, and returned the question and he said he was too. Now, I had no intention of getting back with him or anything, but I obviously miss him and still have feelings for him. He kept saying very nice things to me and we ended up kissing and such. He kinda tried to get me into a taxi with him but I insisted I would walk to my house and we left it at that.

Everytime you think you miss him remember this bit. He called you and asked to meet you. Despite his 'upset' he still managed to overcome his grief in 20 minutes and get touchy feely with you. Asked you if you were single. And lied to your face when you asked the same question. And then cheated on his current girlfriend. What's there to miss?

I would say he's a manipulative liar at best.


And I would agree with everyone else, don't contact that girl, she'll find out what he's like soon enough. If you were to contact her you will be painted as the bad guy. No good will come out of it for you.

coco_lola

I would steer well clear OP. You'll only create more drama and add more time onto the healing process. The sooner you cut this leech out of your life the better. You're only going to be showing him you're not over him and giving him that ego boost. That girl will see his true colours soon enough, it's not your place to tell her, because she most likely won't believe you and see you as "the crazy ex", and I'm sure he'll be able to talk her around.

Cut him out and move on with your life, you'll feel like crap for a while but it is a hell of a lot easier than exhausting yourself with this man any longer and drawing out the process.

aidan24326

OP, just to +1 what pretty much everyone has said. Don't go there, you have nothing to gain from it. Move on and live your own life, and whatever your ex gets up to or whether he does or doesn't cheat on his new girl is really not your problem, and nor is it your business really. Ignore him and move on. Easily said I know, but it's your only option. But tell the new girl what happened?? No, don't do that. Stay out of it. Not your problem anymore.

Taltos

As the OP has decided to stay quiet on this topic we are closing the thread.