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I did wrong

  • 22-05-2012 3:50pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I don't know what to write here but I need a little help and advice.

    I got involved with someone only briefly who betrayed my trust and in doing so I was upset and disappointed. What got to me further was his lack of empathy and remorse doing nothing to rectify things and I'm very easily pleased so anything would have done. Probably showing me through his lack of actions that he didn't care about me and probably wanted me to get the hint and go away. His words were so different though, even initiating contact delivering empty promises. So I was confused.

    Looking back I was someone to use and lie to when he was finished so that I would wait around for him. I'm doing ok now and over him. It wasn't an easy road with my head being so screwed from the situation. However between then and now, I striked back at him expressing my hurt in the form of messages, calls and emails insulting him and condemning him, obsessively. I never set out to do that. Like, revenge does nothing and I know that. It was more like I was challenging my frustrations and hurt back at him. I was so wrong and it's something I regret deeply. All stopped now for weeks. How do I come to peace with this, if I can?

    Apologising is something I want to do because I was wrong but he clearly doesn't want that.

    It's causing me severe anxiety.


Comments

  • #2
    Esoteric_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    I understand that you want to apologise, but if you were obsessively contacting him, you were harrassing him. Do you really think he'd want to hear from you again, even if it were an apology? He'd just see it as more harrassment.

    You want to apologise to rid yourself of guilt. You know it'll mean very little to him, so leave it.

    Only way you can get past your guilt with this is by resolving never to harrass someone again, and stay out of situations where you are treated badly.

    By messaging him again, you'll just come across as a stalker to be honest.


  • #3
    Zen65
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    THTHTHTHTH wrote: »
    I don't know what to write here but I need a little help and advice.

    Your post gives very little details but is full of concepts and "analysis". It's not possible to give any meaningful advice without knowing what you're talking about, and replying based on your analysis simply means we'd be reinforcing your own thoughts, which may be the worst and most damaging feedback to give you.

    Perhaps you could open up a little and tell us what this is about?

    Z


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No, I didn't post before.

    How would I go about organising an appointment with a counsellor? Would I need to be referred from my GP. I would rather avoid my GP and go straight to a counsellor. Man, I learned from this but I think a counsellor might be able to help me more at overcoming this or at least coming to terms with my outgoing backlash at him. What happens in a counselling and do you think would counselling help me with this.

    Lynda, apologising would be the right thing to do but I have no attention of doing so because as you said he doesn't want that.


  • #5
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,555 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    Your post is pretty vague and its hard to advise you, but as already pointed out, the texts emails etc seem obsessive and regardless of right or wrongs in the situation you will cone out the worst.

    I suggest too that you could look into getting counselling. You should go to a GP for a referral, because there are different types of counsellors and a GP may point you in the direction.
    Generally what happens is a GP will refer you for assessment and they then in turn will advise the type of counseling you may need.

    Obsessing over something particularly a relationship you describe as brief isn't good. It is good that you know you were wrong, you can try to deal with it by being aware of it or you can seek help, sometimes the problem is not always clear from the symptoms that's why maybe counseling could help


  • #6
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    You said in your post that you were over him, but you clearly are not. The manner in how the relationship ended is the part you cannot get past. The only way to untangle this and the hurt you still carry is to understand that it is nothing you have done wrong or anything to do with who you are. If he has wronged you, or deceived you that says more about him.

    Counselling will help you to realise this, and set you on the right path to meet someone worthy of your love. You can look up the phone book and find one, or you can get a referral from your GP for one they reccomend.

    Best of luck OP.


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