Problem with men

LegacyUser

I'm a 22 year old girl and I'm having some trouble with guys. I was with someone for four years and when we got together, we just clicked, it was simple. That's why I don't understand what I'm doing wrong this time.

I can attract men no problem at all. Especially on a night on the town. With a few drinks in me I'm an unreal flirt! Anyway I find it easy to do this and get a kiss or whatever and guys ask for my number. They rarely text me afterwards and I they do it just nevber comes to anything. They text less and less and then stop.

Even I few fellas that I've known through groups and that do this. I know of a few guys who have talked about liking me and if I make a move they suddenly lose interest.

On Sunday I was out and a fella I know who was mad about me was there. I know this because he is always on to my sister about how much he likes me. We ended up kissing and he said he would text me yesterday.... he never did. You would think if he really liked me he would text me. I was a bit drunk that night so now I'm afriad I made a fool out of myself or something.

Anyway I don't have a clue what I'm doing wrong. I don't go mad texting or ringing them or anything. In fact I'm always too shy to text first. Or else they have my number and I don't have theirs.

Any insights would be great.

SunnyDub1

Hey Op,

Would it be a case that you are coming across a little to needy to these guys and they sense this maybe ? - just a suggestion.

I do be in the same situation as yourself - you go on a night out meet someone you really like, give them your number you await to hear from them.... then nothing... It's sometime not a good feeling especially if you like them but the Best thing to do is just move on from it. things happen for a reason. If someone is really that interested they will make the effort to text call or arrange a date. Sometimes not always the case as the person may be busy or have more important things on there mind.
Also drink can play serious mind games, you may think you really like someone but when the drink wheres off you realize that you are not as interested as you taught you where - Just my opinion.

Sometimes a person might want to come on to strong either and is playing the whole "hard to get" . You might hear from him during the week or next week even. He doesn't necessarily have to text straight away, but don't get your hopes up either.
Try not be to shy and show some interest if you are interested in them ? without coming across as desperate or needy. There is also nothing wrong with been the first to text either. If the guy really likes you maybe he is waiting for you to text him first ?

the right person will come along sooner or later you are still young. Plenty of years left your best just going out and enjoying life and not getting to tied up in men.

musicinyou

with the amount of me's in your post perhaps thats part of the issue!!

Personally id rather runone miles from someone who is all about themselves! were would be the point!! you have time on your side! maybe try not worry bout guys at the minute concentrate on having fun living the life and everything will and should fall into line. Good look op

reprazant

musicinyou wrote: »

with the amount of me's in your post perhaps thats part of the issue!!

Personally id rather runone miles from someone who is all about themselves! were would be the point!! you have time on your side! maybe try not worry bout guys at the minute concentrate on having fun living the life and everything will and should fall into line. Good look op

Of course there is a lot of 'me' in the post - she is talking about herself and what she sees is a problem and wondering if a) it is a problem and b) if she is the cause of it. How else can she describe it without talking about herself?

OP, without knowing what really happens it is hard to tell what is wrong. There is a chance that the reason that the lad that likes you didn't text is that because, outside of the pub with her dutch courage, he didn't have the courage or belief to do it. If you like him, maybe you should try texting him? You know he likes you so what harm. If things don't seem to be happening for you, try and make them happen yourself.

Distorted

Difficult to write a post about your own problems without using the "me" word, don't take that comment to heart OP!

I wonder if you're meeting guys who lack confidence when they're not drunk/at a club. I think you could try establishing more of a connection with them, eg trying to chat with them about things you might have in common before having a little kiss and then deliberately drawing back and saying something like "Well, I like you, but I don't want our first meeting to be outside a club and I'd rather do something again with you if you want to give me a ring". You have to a little mysterious but make them think they're in with a chance but the other guys aren't, if that makes sense.

Ickle Magoo

musicinyou, the purpose of this forum is to offer sensible, mature, civil and constructive advice - if you can't do that, kindly refrain from posting here. Please also be aware that the security of your account is your responsibility - you will be held accountable for anything posted from your account.

Folks, any issue with a post or poster should be reported.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum - if you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.


As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

Squiggler

Bars and nightclubs aren't really good places to look for a lasting relationship. As others have said, people who've been drinking don't always know what they're doing, and depending on how much they keep drinking they may not remember anything the next morning - so that new phone number in their phone may be associated with someone else's face, or they might have no recollection at all of who it was.

There is nothing wrong with being single and it's a lot better than wasting years as the girlfriend of the wrong man, and risking losing yourself in the process. Find yourself, spend time with friends (male and female), keep your independence and enjoy your life. Fill it with things you enjoy doing.

When the right guy comes along you and he will both know it, and he'll make sure he shows it because he'll want to make sure he doesn't risk losing you.

Have fun!

newport2

OP, if you've no problem making friends in general then you don't have a problem with men.
The only advice I'd give is stop looking. I alway found (as a man anyway) when I was single that any time I was looking to meet someone it never happened, yet as soon as I wasn't or had started seeing someone then chance upon chance would arise in front of me. I don't know what it was, but it was consistant. Maybe a vibe I gave off? From talking to friends, I think this happens to quite a lot of people.

You're 22, relax. I could understand if you were over 10 years older that you might be pressing to meet someone....... but you're 22! :rolleyes: Just chill and enjoy yourself, you have all the time in the world. You'll probably meet someone when you least expect it and I bet if you stop looking it'll be within the next 3 months.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Op here again,

I am quite a shy person, so I don't make friends easily in general. I'm not desperatly looking for a relationship or anything, but it would be nice if some of the fellas who showed interest actually followed through with it.
Any of the guys I've liked recently are quite shy. The fella from the other night is a quiet type and has really liked me since we were in school. This is confusing me because if he's liked me for that long, why didn't he make the best of his oppertunity??

Oryx

Lucyloo22 wrote: »

I am quite a shy person,

You say you are shy, but yet an 'outrageous' flirt when drunk. Could this be part of the problem? You might come across as a very different person with a few drinks on board, and the quieter you is not what these guys expect when they contact you when you are sober. (or in the case of your friend, vice versa).

It also strikes me that you say you make a move (again when drunk maybe?) and you may simply be coming across in the wrong way by doing that. In their eyes, fine for a few laughs when out in the pub, but no further than that?

Just food for thought.

newport2

Lucyloo22 wrote: »

Op here again,

I am quite a shy person, so I don't make friends easily in general. I'm not desperatly looking for a relationship or anything, but it would be nice if some of the fellas who showed interest actually followed through with it.
Any of the guys I've liked recently are quite shy. The fella from the other night is a quiet type and has really liked me since we were in school. This is confusing me because if he's liked me for that long, why didn't he make the best of his oppertunity??

I think the only person who can answer that is himself. I honestly don't know why guys ask for a number if they're not going to follow up, possibly down to drink or just awkward not to ask. A lot of girls give guys their number even if they're not interested because it's awkward to say "no, I'm not interested" after shifting them.

Why not text him yourself and suggest meeting up or doing something together? He's possibly confused too. Contrary to what it may appear, it's difficult for men to initiate things too, especially if you know the person because you're afraid of where it will leave things. If you know he likes you then take the first step.

coco_lola

Hey OP, I'm the same age as you and I found that meeting guys in bars/clubs just doesn't work. The majority of guys you meet here will be about your age, and often not looking for anything serious at that age (Don't mean to generalise, as I know every man is different!). But that tends to be the way it works. You also don't really get to know someone very well after a flirt and a kiss in a bar.

So don't take it to heart if they don't call. There could be a million and one reasons why they don't get in touch, but you'll drive yourself demented if you try to go through them all!

I would just be open to the possibility that you could meet a guy anywhere, not just a pub or club, being open and chatty is a great way to open a conversation anywhere, whether that's at the gym, or in a class, or whatever!

Just read your second post then, it seems as though you are attracted to "shy" guys because you say you yourself are shy, but when you have a few more drinks you are more outgoing? These guys may simply be just that - shy! Who says they have to contact you? Why don't you pop him a text? If he doesn't reply, then at least you'll know for sure

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
I'm a guy so maybe a little male perspective here.
I don't mean to make assumptions about you but here's some stuff I've seen/learned over the years.

- The guy you've known a long time who likes you. I had crushes when I was younger, and I was also a shy guy so that LAST thing I would do is act on it. If he's shy he probably thinks you wouldn't like him too and if he did make a move was probably just a nice guy and didn't want to awkwardness or the rejection. I probably would have died in my social circle in she responded badly so I know I missed out on some oppertunities when I was younger.

- Guys not texting. Some won't. Sometimes the next day you realise you don't really know much about the girl and were a bit drunk and don't know whether to text, and some guys just aren't interested unfortunately.

- Texts fading out eventually. Not to say you do this but a problem I found with a lot of girls that made me loose interest... being BORING! Some girls are shy/don't like texting/play hard to get/whatever. If I do text someone it's to start some conversation... If I try to start a conversation but only get a "Fine. You?" as a reply a day later, I just throw my hat in. I can't tell if the girl is not interested, being boring or playing hard to get but if a girl doesn't even try to be fun or interesting I just can't keep texting, it wears me out trying to start a conversation like drawing blood from a stone. Not saying you do this but a lot of girls do and guys just get bored of it and run out of ways to get you talking. If you are texting someone and actually like them, try to be fun or at least give more than a one liner, plant a seed of something for him to reply about, and so on.

- It's been said but clubs/pubs are very hit and miss. Strangely the guys who "make themselves known" are the ones who won't be texting you back. Spot a nice guy who's not gunning around the club at every girl he crosses? Say hi, he's probably shy. Simple as.