Not sure how I should be feeling?

jellygems

A friend but he was also someone I was sleeping with at the time and had been for months on and off.

Anyway he passed away, in a very cruel and horrendous way, it torments me how he died actually but my question is I dont know how I should be feeling about his passing, I feel as though I shouldnt miss him and be sad hes gone but I am and Im not sure how to process the feelings. Ive never really had anyone in my life die before so Im a bit confused.

I was with him a few days before he passed and he wanted more but I didnt and I gave out to him, I never got to resolve it with him so I feel guilty about that aswell. I should point out its only been 7 weeks since it happened..

Is it normal Im feeling this way???

SunnyDub1

Course it is normal for how you are feeling, no matter what he was Friend or anything else he was still a part of your life that is now sadly gone. These things unfortunately happen and it is know ones fault especially not yours.
You should talk to Friends/family about how you are feeling or maybe see a consular. Talking to a close friend of family member about your feelings is the best thing to do in situations like this.

There is also a bereavement forum on here as well you might want to look at.


Sorry for your loss and try keep your head up and stay strong. x

jellygems

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Course it is normal for how you are feeling, no matter what he was Friend or anything else he was still a part of your life that is now sadly gone. These things unfortunately happen and it is know ones fault especially not yours.
You should talk to Friends/family about how you are feeling or maybe see a consular. Talking to a close friend of family member about your feelings is the best thing to do in situations like this.

There is also a bereavement forum on here as well you might want to look at.


Sorry for your loss and try keep your head up and stay strong. x

Thank you,this has been very difficult for me to say because i have such conflicting emotions and i dont really like talking about my emotions either.

i cant really talk to anyone in my family bcos of the circumstances surronding his death, i dont feel i need a counselor

ive never known anyone close to me to die before so it was new for me and i didnt know if it was because he was brutally murdered or becos he had passed away. thank you for your reply

Skuxx

I'm curious as to why you say you shouldn't miss him!
He was a friend, someone you were sleeping with and I'm sure cared very deeply about, so of course its completely natural and normal and healthy to miss him!!
Also, you don't need to give anyone details of how he died if you are talking to them, just say you lost someone close to you and you need to talk about it, I'm sure your family won't make you say more than your comfortable with!

Ickle Magoo

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Go easy on yourself, it's only been 7 weeks, OP. Even processing grief from an expected death can take a long time - an unexpected death with all the unresolved issues, guilt and regrets even longer.

Just give yourself time to get over the shock then process how you feel whatever way suits you best. I know you say you don't feel you need to see a bereavement counsellor but it could be very helpful especially if you can't speak to anyone else about his death and how you feel.

There are some links/numbers HERE and HERE which you may find useful for getting info even if you don't want to talk to anyone.

Give yourself some time, some TLC and space to work through it all.

All the very best.

jellygems

alan i would say its because i tried when he was here not to get emotionally involved and i didnt and now hes gone i feel like because i wasnt i have no right to b this upset.... i know it prob sounds silly like i said i am having trouble processing how i feel

ickle thanks for the info i will look into it for sure and thanks for the kind words

fataltragedy

No matter the circumstances of his death, or how you acted towards him when he was alive, it still exists the intimacy of friendship that you two had, and of course it's only natural that you are going to miss him.

I wish there were words that existed that could be put together to help someone feel better in a time like this - or even better explain how whatever you're feeling is perfectly natural, and that 'normal' cannot always be catagorised.

*hugs* for you ... I am so sorry for your loss. It's indeed so 'normal' to feel like you cannot process a death, or feel like you're running on automatic fuel and not mourning, but the fact of the matter is, he existed in your life - with and for you in many ways - and you will come to grieve him. My belief is that we grieve when we can; when our bodies, minds, health allow us to - and thus I believe you will too, in your own way!

jellygems

fataltragedy wrote: »

No matter the circumstances of his death, or how you acted towards him when he was alive, it still exists the intimacy of friendship that you two had, and of course it's only natural that you are going to miss him.

I wish there were words that existed that could be put together to help someone feel better in a time like this - or even better explain how whatever you're feeling is perfectly natural, and that 'normal' cannot always be catagorised.

*hugs* for you ... I am so sorry for your loss. It's indeed so 'normal' to feel like you cannot process a death, or feel like you're running on automatic fuel and not mourning, but the fact of the matter is, he existed in your life - with and for you in many ways - and you will come to grieve him. My belief is that we grieve when we can; when our bodies, minds, health allow us to - and thus I believe you will too, in your own way!

Thank you Fatal, its nice for me that someone is validating how I am feeling