Friend with Gambling Problem

LegacyUser

My friend had a drink problem and went/ is going to AA meetings. He has been dry for about 18 months now. He rings me this evening asking to borrow money, because hes running low until the end of the month. I didn't have any spare cash at the mo so I told him. I didn't lend him a couple of hundred before Christmas but thought nothing of it. He then tells me the truth that he owes people money and he has started gambling and hes in a bad way.

What should I do?

He doesn't want to turn to his family because his parents will go mental. But I think this is the right thing to do. I think I should tell them?


Anybody experience the something similar?

petethebrick

Have a chat to him about it first. Where does he do his gambling?
If it is in casinos then push him to self-ban himself from all the main ones in the city center. It's simply a matter of filling out a form at these places. If it is online gambling then advise him to get rid of his laser cards for a while and operate a cash only account with his bank. These are only stop-gap measures but are effective. If he has a bad problem he will probably need to involve his parents/friends and maybe seek help from gamblers anonymous.

Linoge

He's going to borrow from you to pay back someone else? I'm sure you can see that is just pure wrong right there.

It would be better for him to be embarrassed about it because then he might sort it out. If you help him cover it you will actually be making it worse.

Under no circumstances would I lend him more money, even for rent/ESB/food. What you will find is his rent money will be used on gambling/paying back gambling loans.

username123

You lend him money you are enabling him.

You help him hide the addiction you are enabling him. He has substituted gambling for alcohol.

Whatever about telling his parents, you should encourage him to tell his AA sponsor.

Mr Johnson

Hi,

This type of addiction switching is actually very common and is usually
caused by an underlying psychological problem. He needs to get counselling
to get to the bottom of this.

Big +1 on getting rid of his cards asap if he is online gambling

LegacyUser

Do not give him any money. The only way to overcome his problem is to admit that he has one and face up to his issues. You cannot make him do this, but if you give him money then you are making it easier for him not to do this.

I am speaking from my own personal experience. I admitted at the start of this year that I had a serious gambling problem. I was up to my eyeballs in debt and lying to people to "borrow" money. When told my wife and my family I fully expected to be kicked out of the house and shunned, while they were shocked, disappointed, stunned at the beginning they have been a great help to me. I also started going to GA which has been of great help as well. While it is still early days, things are a lot better. I am finally facing up to financial and other issues, the debt is slowly getting lower and mt relationship with everybody around me is better than it has been in years.

It is not easy and maybe he is not ready, all you can do is encourage him to seek help.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

You lend him money you are enabling him.

You help him hide the addiction you are enabling him. He has substituted gambling for alcohol.

Whatever about telling his parents, you should encourage him to tell his AA sponsor.

I agree with this post 100%. He needs to contact his sponsor at AA and maybe attend GA meetings (Gamblers Anonymous)

It is not uncommon that people with addictions overcome one and get another one. He not only needs AA he needs to seek individual counselling to get to the crux of the matter. AA are great for support but it is not therapy. AA is 12 steps, your friend needs Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy. These treatment modalities are scientifically proven to combat addictive/compulsive behaviours and this is not offered at AA. So it is imperative your friend seek individual counselling in addition to attending meetings.

I do give my salute to AA sponsors because they go well above and beyond the call of duty in helping others. They are excellent for group support and camaraderie that fosters empathy.

tinkerbell

It's quite simple - don't lend him any money.