what am i turning into

LegacyUser

hi all

really would appreciate others opinions on the following,

brief background to the story
year and half ago i got involved with somebody who was recently separated for a year..
had 2 kids, and really i knew this was something i could never really handle..very messy ex wife situation also...but i was crazy about him but after about 6 months i finished it. and cut / ignored all contact because i knew i just couldnt handle it all.. shortly (1-2 months after this- met him out one night with another girl...7 months later to the day ( i remember because paticular night i met him out was friends bday) i see him at the maternity hospital with same girl! in the weeks after that night had contach from him claiming he was drunk that night etc. but i cut contact at the time ...tried to move on ...but now fast forward few months...baby is born ---about month old now and i just cannot get him out of my head...

i know it is about time---and feel its not just the comeing to terms with the news- i now know for for 2-3 months ...i have since last year tried to move on been on a lot of dates and even started seeing someone but its just not the same. i know i could be very happy with new boy but still i dont know if there is something missing or am i just looking back with rose tinted glasses when i could never accept the situation that came with boy one?

very confused:(

Forever Hopeful

OP,
Sounds like you had a lucky escape...
He met a new girl 2-3 months after you and 7 months later you see him in a maternity hospital.
So basically they got pregnant straight away.
He sounds like someone who can't be alone. He's got baggage and now added extra weight.
You're gut instincts were right and you behaved very well. The only reason you are doubting yourself is because you see another woman accept his baggage and add more.
That is not you and good for you. You don't know how he feels about this situation and if they even are still together/will be together.
Think about what you really want/deserve and don't settle for anything less.
All the best.

thefeatheredcat

I think you're looking back with rose tinted glasses. Given you have no idea of their relationship, it's difficult to tell what that situation really is, whether they're happy or just going along with having the child together or who knows what that's like.

I think you realised that you didn't want to deal with that baggage and openly acknowledged it which is far wiser than perhaps going along with things and never really thinking about if you can handle it, or perhaps even thinking naively you could have handled it.

I think we all have a level of what baggage we can take on as our own with other people... an ex that maybe would be a negative issue on both of you, kids he would have prioritize spending time with over you or having them in your life if you're not that keen isn't easy and if the situation between him and the ex was bad well then who knows that she may not be that keen on the kids around you or bare some hostility towards you. That's not easy to walk into eyes wide open or with tinted blinkered glasses.

I wouldn't dwell on it too much. If you're happy now with the boyfriend you have, then that's what you should focus on. That's the relationship that really matters in the here and now, so I think you are better off in the present moment and enjoying what you have and what could still be ahead of you.

LegacyUser

thanks all that really helps and is spot on advice i just need to put it into action now ...