Parish priest refuses wedding?

Lord Trollington

Is it normal for a parish priest to refuse a wedding as you are not in/from the parish area?

My dad is originally from the parish and many of his family are living in the parish and many relatives buried in the adjoining cemetery also.

I live about 5miles away but its a different parish where I was baptised and confirmed ect. When I was young I use to go to this church a bit with my family (not much of a church goer now) and would want to have my wedding there.

But it has been refused as i'm not in the parish. Is this a normal practice

Would the Catholic church be happier if I got married in a registry office as opposed to giving me a blessing in a church? Baffled???

The Big Red Button

Yeah it's normal practice alright, I've heard of it happening a few times.

It there a reason you don't want to get married in your own parish church?

Is the priest aware that you're not much of a church-goer? If so, this might have influenced his decision.

Acoshla

The parish I'm getting married in is where I was baptised and is my grandparent's parish but while I am "allowed" to get married in the church the local priest won't do the wedding, so we've to find our own priest. It's common enough alright.

BC

This is quite normal. There are so few priests these days that they simply don't have the resources to do so many weddings. In relation to the comment about the registry office - the church are quite happy for you to get married in the church where you live currently (not where you grew up) and use that priest. It's when you move parish (even if its to one you used to live in) that its at the discretion of the priest and unless you have a relationship with him, in my experience, he will usually ask you to bring your own priest. It does depend on the church and the priest though so it's always worth asking.

Bear in mind also that there are usually additional charges for both the church and the priest if it isn't the church where you live.

PCPhoto

hopefully we wont have that problem .... we're getting married in her church ... she's CoI and I'm Catholic ... pretty sure the boss has already checked it with the church (although the priest/rector will be retiring soon).

I do have an uncle who is a priest so not sure how much of the ceremony he will be allowed to perform if its in her church it could be CoI ceremony (I know there's not much of a difference but you know how the Catholic church are !!)

Acoshla ...I can pimp out my uncle priest if you want ...lol

Acoshla

PCPhoto wrote: »

Acoshla ...I can pimp out my uncle priest if you want ...lol

We need a local one or we'll have to pay a fortune for him to travel, and I can guarantee your uncle is nowhere near my church, nothing is near it :pac:

lazygal

PCPhoto wrote: »

hopefully we wont have that problem .... we're getting married in her church ... she's CoI and I'm Catholic ... pretty sure the boss has already checked it with the church (although the priest/rector will be retiring soon).

I do have an uncle who is a priest so not sure how much of the ceremony he will be allowed to perform if its in her church it could be CoI ceremony (I know there's not much of a difference but you know how the Catholic church are !!)

Acoshla ...I can pimp out my uncle priest if you want ...lol

Its a popular option to have the Catholic marriage ceremony without the mass, thereby avoiding communion and other more 'Catholic' elements. I was at a joint CofI-Catholic wedding and I'm pretty sure that's how they work around it. It's a common enough request.

gimmick

Meeting our parish prients tonight to get the prenuptual license. Never met the guy before, but we are relatively new to our parish.

I wonder what the possibility is of him refusing to grant us the license given that neither of us are particularly religous (she insists on the church wedding).

lazygal

Baffled as to why people who aren't particularly religious are having church weddings. You make serious Catholic promises in the marriage sacrament, about accepting and raising children and having a Catholic tenet to married life. Don't know how adults can start out married life together making promises they haven't a notion of keeping on their wedding day, and I can equally understand how this attitude must p!ss some priests and genuinely faithful people off.

BC

gimmick wrote: »

Meeting our parish prients tonight to get the prenuptual license. Never met the guy before, but we are relatively new to our parish.

I wonder what the possibility is of him refusing to grant us the license given that neither of us are particularly religous (she insists on the church wedding).

The pre-nup form is here so these are the questions you'll be asked if you want to prepare:
http://www.gettingmarried.ie/pages/index.php?nd=17

Sleepy

lazygal wrote: »

Baffled as to why people who aren't particularly religious are having church weddings. You make serious Catholic promises in the marriage sacrament, about accepting and raising children and having a Catholic tenet to married life. Don't know how adults can start out married life together making promises they haven't a notion of keeping on their wedding day, and I can equally understand how this attitude must p!ss some priests and genuinely faithful people off.

I'd find it odd making a serious promise in the same ceremony as ones I'd be scornful about too... then again, many religious people are happy to teach children that their unsubstantiated beliefs are as correct as 2+2=4 in a school setting and others are happy to make empty promises alongside the ones (you'd hope) they're taking seriously in order to have the use of a pretty building for the ceremony.

Personally, if my fiancée was "insisting" on a church wedding, I think I'd cancel the engagement.

gimmick

Sleepy wrote: »

Personally, if my fiancée was "insisting" on a church wedding, I think I'd cancel the engagement.

Yes, I am sure you would.

Sleepy

gimmick wrote: »

Yes, I am sure you would.

?

If you're just being sarky, you'd probably have a point, if I was in the theoretical position of being in a relationship with someone who had religious beliefs, I'd have had to discussed it with her during any proposal. Kinda knocks the romance out of a proposal though so I think I'd probably have ensured she wasn't the type to force her religion on others before even thinking of proposing...

gimmick

Nothing is being forced. She wants to go a certain route. I would prefer go another. We felt going her route was probably the best way to go, even if I would still prefer go the other.

Sleepy

Just be sure to have a conversation about what to do with kids before ye marry. The old "baptise or not" row has caused an awful lot of headaches. Though, if neither of ye are religious yet still intending to marry in a church maybe ye don't mind a bit of hypocrisy?

fenris

gimmick wrote: »

Nothing is being forced. She wants to go a certain route. I would prefer go another. We felt going her route was probably the best way to go, even if I would still prefer go the other.

You are a wise man, realistically weddings in most cases are all about the bride and what they think they want, the lads mostly just try and get through the day as best they can with a minimum of grief.

I don't think the wedding ceremony is that important from a male perspective whereas it is a huge deal for the girls, you just set yourself up for resentment and grief by messing with the wedding fantasy.

The problem comes when the rest of the world doesn't view the wedding of the century in the same light, for the parish priest this is probably just hassle he doesn't need, at a time of year when you have his church which he probably takes quite seriously being made the backdrop for the madness that goes on around communions and confirmations with accompanying stretch pink limos etc.

You might have better luck with him at a less in you face "can you do the cross in pink, to match my eyes" time of year.

tatli_lokma

Sleepy wrote: »

I'd find it odd making a serious promise in the same ceremony as ones I'd be scornful about too...

totally agree with this. When we were getting married we considered the option of a church blessing. To be prefectly honest, we were considering a church purely for convenience as we were organising the wedding in a short time and the bonus is that my dad would be happy. However we didn't want a full mass and we only wanted a blessing.

The parish priest flat out refused. He said 'blessings' are not recognised by the Catholic church, they do not uphold teh sanctity of marriage and some priests might bend the rules, but as far as he was concerned you got married or you didn't...i.e took the sacriment of marriage or bog off! He was not going to bless what was in effect a civil ceremony in a church. In fairness, I actually respected him for the courage of his convictions. I said, but hubby-to-be is Muslim, he doesn't have any concept of what a sacriment is or what it implies. 'Doesn't matter' says the priest, 'he doesn't have to mean it, he can just say it. Sure half the people getting married in church don't fully appreciate the weight of their words, so he'd be no different. And at least then you would be married in the eyes of god' :eek:

I pointed out that your wedding day is not the day to be making false promises or saying things just for the sake of it. Empty words on your wedding day to me is awful - for me the whole point of saying vows and making promises is because you fully understand and respect the all words you say and all the promises you make. I couldn't belive that a priest who refused a blessing on the basis of it undermining the sanctity of marriage in one breath, then told us to basically agree to things that mean nothing with his next breath.

Toots

Guys, lets keep on topic here. If ye want to debate the rights and wrongs of having a religious ceremony when you're not religious then the Humanities or else relevant religious forum would be better suited.