Self confidence problems.

LegacyUser

Right, so Ill keep this short, well Ill try to...

So from my teens upwards, I was over-weight(not hugely), spotty etc etc. My self-confidence wasn't great and neither was my experience with girls. I had kissed girls but I never particularly liked them and it was only cause they liked me that I actually spoke to them. Id never ask a girl I liked for her number due to the chances of being turned down etc.

Anyway, now I'm a bit older, I got taller, lost weight and do things which keep me in a better than normal shape. But although all the things I've had issues with in the past are gone I still have issues with the opposite sex which I think is due to self-confidence and things which I never had in my teens.

Say for example, were out with a group of friends, some I know others I dont. A girl I dont know is dancing next to me, smiling, at me, eye contact and chatting with me I cant tell if its her being nice, or if shes interested. I think its down to when I was younger I wasnt considered the good looking one and girls just wanted to be friends and I just assume this is still the way it is.

I cant read 'signals' and then dont want to try anything incase shes just being nice or friendly and ill end up making a fool of myself. Then the next day at work one of my mates will say 'so and so was into last night' or something like that and I just didnt notice it or read the signals.

So, what Im asking is, has anyone else had these problems, is there anything I can do. I really would like to just try something but being infront of my friends and getting rejected or worse just seems like a bad idea...

Or am I just being silly?

Emerald1

You seem to be in the same situation as I am, except I happen to be female! I was always overweight as a child/young teenager, had serious self-confidence issues and finally decided enough was enough. I started losing weight, thinking that once I lost the weight I'd evolve into this outgoing, self-confident person. Whilst I'm not quite at my goal weight yet, my confidence is still pretty low. I have never been considered very pretty, and was always the shy girl who never said much around lads. Needless to say I've never had a boyfriend.

Like you, I can never tell when a lad is showing genuine interest in me. If I'm on a night out and I get into a conversation with a guy,my friends will give me a look (you know,raised eyebrows and all that) but I usually brush it off. I never really take encounters like that on a night out seriously because I assume beer goggles are at play and they wouldn't give me a second glance if they saw me in broad daylight sober!

So to answer your question, I don't think you're being silly at all. There's plenty of others in the same boat as you. And if a girl is smiling and making eye contact with you, she's more than likely interested. Most girls I know would avoid your eye and not make much conversation if they're not interested. (At least that's generally the case on a night out anyway).

dominiquecruz

I'm not too far off where you guys are, but even for me I can see a fundamental problem. You're asking, 'Is this person interested in me?' - why aren't you asking 'am I interested in them?' If you're romantically/sexually attracted to whoever, just go for it. Worst that happens, they say no. Big deal. There will be plenty more.. I find the problem with low self-confidence is that you're always waiting for someone to validate yourself. Make yourself feel better. Just put yourself out there, and accept that rejection is part and parcel of it - I swear you won't even be thinking about these rejections when you eventually click with the right person.

Yup pretty much that. If you feel they're interested in you and you're interested in them, go for it. Sure, you might get rejected but it might also work, which I really think is a risk worth taking.

The only way to improve your self confidence is to challenge the things that you are least confident about.