Is this normal

cazzak79

Just wondering is this normal or am I over reacting
My boyfriend is 33 a lot of evenings during the week and weekends my boyfriend drinks good bit maybe 1 or 2 free nights before he met me he used to drink bit
He would drink at least 4-6 beers cans when he does or more
I'm worried about what this is doing to his liver etc
He also has bad died and dosnt really exercise he tells me big boy and will do what he wants
I just don't want him to end up with some illness that can't be cured or dead in his early 40's because of alcohol or bad diet
Am I wrong or should I let him do what he wants
Obliviously wants to have kids with him I think his wasting his life

irishbucka

sounds like alot of units in a week to me. whats the longest he can go without a drink?how many days?

cazzak79

irishbucka wrote: »

sounds like alot of units in a week to me. whats the longest he can go without a drink?how many days?

Do u know how many units is in a pint/can
Possibly 1 or 2 days his tried to stop drinking before last year due health problems anxiety only lasted couple weeks
Ive just bought a house with him thought he stop once we lived together not sure it will happen

That_Guy

I don't really know if this is the right forum for this but have you confronted him about it at all.

cazzak79

That_Guy wrote: »

I don't really know if this is the right forum for this but have you confronted him about it at all.

Ok thanks

buyer95

Stop crampin his style, tbh, its sounds to me like your describing every man in Ireland! What harm did a few cans ever do to anyone?

buyer95

buyer95 wrote: »

Stop crampin his style, tbh, its sounds to me like your describing every man in Ireland! What harm did a few cans ever do to anyone?

this is clearly more than a few cans when it's nearly every night

OP he is not going to change unless HE wants to
and it doesn't appear he wants to

and no, it's not normal

Panthro

Might be more suited in this forum, Moved from TGC.
Panthro

cazzak79

Thanks for moving it and thanks for the answer not sure we will change so maybe I've to let him change if he wants to

Pawwed Rig

buyer95 wrote: »

Stop crampin his style, tbh, its sounds to me like your describing every man in Ireland! What harm did a few cans ever do to anyone?

Speak for yourself.

I am not sure what the OP can do about this other than advise him of the health implications. Maybe get a doctor to advise on this too. Tell him you are worried rather than nagging him.

Irish people can have a very immature attitude regarding alcohol and think everyone else is doing it and therefore pretty normal like what buyer95 says.

AckwelFoley

Your boyfriend is drinking too much. At 33 its time for him to cop on and address the issue. You can't help him if he won't admit it but drinking most nights like that is not good.

I know you love him but this is only going to get worse as things progress. If you have young children is it ok for him to be drinking all the time leaving you to do everything?

I think not.

Tell him you are worried about it and the future you have, he might be a "big boy" but you might suggest he acts like it. If he want to drink so much he will be on his own.

I do understand he may have personal issues that causes him to drink so much but he needs to address them.

*Post edited re forum charter*

Taltos

As per our Charter and site rules - NO diagnoses please.

Thanks
Taltos

Fiona

I do think thats excessive drinking to be honest. My ex used to drink most nights 6/8 cans a night. I would not settle for that again.

I wouldn't mind so much a heavy weekend of drinking but drinking every Mon / Tues / Wed / Thurs night plus the weekend is not right or healthy.

thefeatheredcat

If it's a regular thing, for example, to plonk in front of the TV or computer and drink the evenings away, every night, then there is a valid concern for you as to the quality of your relationship as well as to his health, both physical and mental.

While he's drinking, what are you doing? Are you sitting around the house with him, or have you got your own independent life, off doing stuff, like meeting friends, going to the cinema?

Occasional drinks is fine... but if it's almost every night including weekend to the point of going to bed drunk night after night (this may not be the case in your situation) then there is a problem that he is not addressing.

But it is his choice and up to him to change that. Is it effecting your relationship negatively?

The behaviour isn't going to change unless he wants to and to do that he would have to acknowledge his own behaviour and how it effects his life and his quality of life. If there are issues he's masking then he needs to come to those on his own terms and deal with them, but knowing that he has your full support.

It doesn't sound like a healthy habit of living and I doubt very fulfilling. He may well be a grown up and can make his own decisions but when that decision and behaviour effects you and your relationship and joint quality of life there is an obstacle there.

I think in your shoes I would be very concerned not just for his future but of the relationship too and think it should be addressed by talking about it.

I don't think it's a matter of whether it is normal behaviour or not, whether it should be tolerated or accepted in a relationship, but more questioning on how his behaviour effects him, you and your relationship, your quality of life and overall happiness, including the mental, physical and emotional well being of both of you.