My girlfriend and I draw unwanted attention

LegacyUser

Basically me and my girl, wherever we go, we just end up getting a lot of attention, whether it be positive or negative, we just seem to be regarded as some kind of enigma.

You know, I kind of expected it a little initially.
I expected the occasional cat call, or snide remark.

But those things aside, it's basically the fact that regardless of the setting or the company, there seems to be a distinct vibe of.... I dunno, maybe you could call it caution, or even a little apprehension, with whoever we're dealing with.

By example, there was some boxing on last Saturday night, so I brought her to a sports bar.

We were just sat at the bar having a drink whilst I was watching the fights, and we were continuously pestered by the passing waitresses.
I don't know what the deal was, but it's like they were trying to treat us with kid-gloves, to use a metaphor, whilst seemingly being somewhat nervous.

I don't know what the deal is.

Anyway, I referenced an expectation of attention in one sense, and this is because my girl is African (well, born here, parents emigrated some years ago).
That is to say, she's black.

She's 19, I'm 26.
I myself am as Irish as Potatoes and Cabbage.

I thought I'd get used to it, but it's beginning to get on my nerves, almost to the point I might end up embarrassing myself and calling someone out on this behavior if it continues of occur.

Is it me?
Am I doing something wrong.... possibly?
I mean, should my behavior/mindset somehow make allowance for this type of thing?

Or is it all just a product of this social misunderstanding and apprehension as regards different races?

mood

I know couples of mixed races and they never have problems.

Maybe you are being a little paranoid. (no offense intended)

up for anything

I agree with the above. I've never seen anything like that in Ireland of recent years. I don't think it even crosses most people's consciousness these days. Maybe you feel ill at ease in public because at some level subconsciously you don't feel right about the 'difference' between you and you are transferring the way you feel to other people who aren't aware of it?

Even the fact that it took you so long to tell us that she is black and you are white and seemed to find it quite difficult to come out with seems to illustrate this.

Perhaps you need to look inside yourself and see how you feel about the colour/racial difference rather than wondering how other people feel about it.

_dublinlad_

I would tend to agree with above post. I would imagine most of this is only in your own head. I would understand if this was the 40's and black people where a rarity in this country but Ireland is a melting pot of all races now, I cant imagine anybody are really looking at you two guys twice for that reason. Maybe your just a stunning looking couple, ever think of that?

In saying that, there is always going to be racism where ever you go so your just going to have to learn to deal with those idiots, let them look all they want... dont let it bother you, be better then that.

analucija

I can sympathise to a point. Once a couple decided that I was in Ireland as sex slave. I don't know why but the only reason I can find is that I'm central European and my boyfriend is a bit overweight. There were some nasty remarks by other people and tbh disliked assumptions of me being some poor soul who ended in Ireland for better life. People can be a bit patronising even if they are well meaning. Enjoy the attention or laugh at people's reactions. They will get used to it anyway and then you'll be just like any other boring couple.

leeroybrown

I can see how you might get a bit of unwanted attention from idiots or drunks but the "passing waitresses" thing just smacks of being overly self-conscious. People get pestered by waitresses all the time.

Honestly, I think that 1) you do need to make a slight allowance because mixed-race relationships are still unusual in Ireland and 2) you're over-thinking it and probably noticing it where it isn't even present. Just relax, enjoy yourself and whatever you do don't have a go at someone because you'll just come across as looking like a fool.

LegacyUser

mmm, well, it's true I did have the idea fixed in my head a little.
As in, the expectation was there, as I said.

But there's no mistaking the variation in peoples behavior in comparison to what I'd consider normal.

lol - yeah, thanks for the flattering comment, but we're no Posh and Becks


"People can be patronizing, even if they mean well".

This nails it.
I mean, it's like folk are going out of their way to be nice, and it's just a bit awkward.... and stuff.

I guess Ireland has evolved somewhat in recent years as regards it's acceptance of other cultures, but, despite this acceptance, there's no doubt there's still an awkwardness as regards the actual behavior when dealing with foreigners, seemingly.

I mean, that's how it's strikes me at the moment anyways.

It's just, you know, I guess I do need to learn to deal with it.
That responsibility exists on my behalf.
I can't exactly point the finger at someone else for my own sense of irritation.

ihsb

I have an African American friend, and I have an English accent and am as pale. People look at us too, but there is also a bit of an age gap between us. So really I am not sure if is an age gap that people are looking at or the difference in race.

So it maybe could be people seeing the age-gap? (not that I am suggesting that there is anything wrong with it). I would just ignore it. The only time I would make a comment is if it became apparent that it was upsetting your girlfriend. To stand up for her and you.

Good luck!

ABajaninCork

I know what you mean OP. I'm Black British and my husband's Irish!:D:

Nobody bats an eyelid at home now, but a few years ago eyebrows would be raised. And they WEREN'T white!!! It was far more usual to see a black guy with a white girl. But for a black girl with a white guy??? OMG!!! I got called all sorts of names, my parents told to disown me, I could go on.

What I see here now is what I used to see years ago in London. I've found that most of the stares/glares/comments are from Black people. Although my husband gets upset, I merely turn round and give a big beaming smile!:D

Only once was an Irish person nasty to me. I merely smiled and told the gentleman I would pray for him...

I would do the same OP. God, does it p!ss them off!

Green Gelato

I wouldn't necessarily take it as a negative thing - people are just naturally curious about anything a bit different. We Irish are a nosy bunch - people are probably just trying to suss out your story, and possibly not being very subtle about it. It's just something people do - wouldn't be too paranoid about it. People have boring lives, so anything a bit different will draw attention but I wouldn't let it get to you too much.