Bridesmaid Nightmare!

PicturePerfect

Hello All!

Our wedding date is set for March 2013 and now all the planning is starting!
I'm from the Netherlands and all my family and some friends are all over there. Getting married here so there is definitely a case of huge cultural differences when it comes to weddings..

Won't go into all of them but I would love some views on the Brides Maid one (For now :rolleyes:)

Brides maids in Holland are more like you would have your flower girls here. So none of this maid of honour, grown up women in dresses by your side all day etc.

However, hubby to be has his 3 best friends at his side on the big day, so i'm more or less expected to have my brides maids at my side...

Sister and best friend in holland and my best friend here will be the victims, however this is where the stress starts...

How to explain to 2 girls in holland (that don't really get along very well) that they:
1) try to explain to them what it means to be a bridesmaid?

2) will have to wear the same in the colour I want them to wear..

3) will be seperated from their better halfs during the meal and ceremony and a lot of the day


I would greatly appreciate your views, opinions, advice on the above as I'm designing my 'Will you be my bridesmaids cards' at the moment and not sure what I will put into it to be honest, out of fear they'll hate the idea and will say no..

Thanks for your help!

Acoshla

They don't have to dress the same, mine aren't, they're both getting different dresses in different colours, grown women in matching outfits doesn't make sense to me.

PicturePerfect

Are the styles of their dresses very different? And are the colours in same colour range or completely different?
I agree on the whole matching outfits doesn't make sense, however in saying that: If they are all bridesmaids.. whats making them stand out from the rest of the wedding dress if they are not somehow matching?

John Mason

i was a bridemaid once we were told to buy whatever dresses we wanted but the theme was black and silver.

so all three bridesmaids had completely different dresses

PicturePerfect

Ok that's a good way to do it I suppose..
The only thing is that we haven't decided on colour or theme really yet.
Were you paying for your own dress?
What is the etiquette towards paying for brides maid dresses/shoes/accessories?

Penny Dreadful

PicturePerfect wrote: »

Ok that's a good way to do it I suppose..
The only thing is that we haven't decided on colour or theme really yet.
Were you paying for your own dress?
What is the etiquette towards paying for brides maid dresses/shoes/accessories?[/QUOTE]

The bride should (IMO) pay for it all. I'm getting married at the end of June and have one bridesmaid and I have bought her dress and shoes already and will pay for her hair and makeup on the day of the wedding too.

moco

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

PicturePerfect wrote: »

Ok that's a good way to do it I suppose..
The only thing is that we haven't decided on colour or theme really yet.
Were you paying for your own dress?
What is the etiquette towards paying for brides maid dresses/shoes/accessories?[/QUOTE]

The bride should (IMO) pay for it all. I'm getting married at the end of June and have one bridesmaid and I have bought her dress and shoes already and will pay for her hair and makeup on the day of the wedding too.

Yea, I think the bride should pay for it all too...if you are chosing their dresses. If they want to chose what to wear themselves, and don’t want to wear a dress of your choice, I’d let them pay!

Sinall

OP, to get them on board you could explain that this is a 'tradition' in your husband-to-be's country and you're looking forward to a ceremony where you combine aspects of both cultures and that you'd love for them to be part of this with you. Might make them less likely to say no anyway!

kandr10

I didn't have matching dresses and it worked out great! Although they were all in the same colour family, it's not necessary to do it that way. They'll be known to be bridesmaids because of carrying flowers, walking down the aisle (if it was in a church) and generally being around you. After the ceremony is over, it doesn't really matter if they blend into the crowd a bit, especially if some of them are not familiar with the whole idea of being a bridesmaid. Also, there's no reason why you have to have all of the bridal party at the top table. You could have them sitting with their partners and just have bride, groom and parents at the top table. Or you could have whole bridal party plus their partners. The point is, don't be tied down to traditions, do what you want! If these aren't customs where you're from, it gives the perfect excuse for those family members who may want to dictate what happens on the day.

As for explaining what a bridesmaid is, or what she has to do, you could just say one of them needs to act as witness and sign the document. The others are there to help you with your dress etc if you need it. They would typically be involved in organising a hen do if you were having one. But it is mostly a symbolic role.

Acoshla

They're both full length, and that's about where the similarities end! They're different colours completely, one is one shoulder for definite, the other will be a sweetheart neckline or one shoulder, whichever she picks, they'll have different shoes, different hairstyles, everything, but basically by virtue of the fact that they'll be very dressed up and with me all day will be how people will know they're bridesmaids. I dunno, not too bothered if people know they're bridesmaids when they're just walking around having a drink etc, don't think it matters?

I'm buying their dresses, paying for their hair and makeup, they're wearing their own shoes.

Misticles

If the groom has 2/3 on his side does that mean the bride has to have the same?

I only want one bridesmaid/moh.

Op, they don't have to match, maybe go for two colours that compliment eachother and different styles. I think it's only right that the bride pay as she has asked them to be part of the day. Unless thy have suitable dresses of their own that you approve of.

Toto Wolfcastle

Misticles wrote: »

If the groom has 2/3 on his side does that mean the bride has to have the same?

No. It's always better to do what you want. No point in choosing people just to even up the numbers.

tinkerbell

OP, just explain that it's a tradition over here. That said, do what others suggested - have different styles of dresses, they don't have to be the same colour, they could be part of a colour family, e.g. if you want to have an earthy theme, you could have a burnt orange dress, a dark green dress, a chocolate brown dress, etc. - you get the drift.

By the way, you don't have to match up with the same numbers, if you only want one bridesmaid, just have one - regardless of how many he is having!

John Mason

PicturePerfect wrote: »

Ok that's a good way to do it I suppose..
The only thing is that we haven't decided on colour or theme really yet.
Were you paying for your own dress?
What is the etiquette towards paying for brides maid dresses/shoes/accessories?

we paid for our own dresses shoes etc.

the bride seen the dresses for the first time the morning of the wedding

silly

you could get them two birds dresses??
You can get them in different colours and each girl can decide which way to wear it..?

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10150799020692691&set=a.107040632690.104763.61059722690&type=1&theater

Gatica

that's a lovely idea.

Personally, if I had more than 1 bridesmaid I'd have preferred them to wear the same dress, or at most maybe slightly different takes on a similar style and colour.
Requiring a particular dress definitely means the bride pays for the dresses. However, I believe unless you need particular shoes that would be visible (then the bride should pay) you can ask them to wear their own shoes - most of the time girls have several pairs of their own comfortable dress shoes.
I don't think you have to pay for jewellery either, but it's a nice token gift to give. Make-up and hair is also more of a token thing, I don't understand why it's expected that that bride and bridesmaid will always have that done. I'm sure there are plenty who'd done their own make-up. Hair is probably the most likely requiring special care as it's more difficult to do up your own hair or even for someone who's not a pro.

PicturePerfect

Thank you so much for all the replies!
Some very helpful ones.

I was always under the impression that bride should pay for dresses so thanks for confirming that. Like it was said before: If you expect them to wear something specific, it wouldn't be fair to have them cough up the money for it.

Like the Twobirds idea a lot! Thanks for that tip! Probably will try to get my Irish brides maid over to holland and meet up with the 2 dutch ones and will see if we can make it through the day without war And hopefully with some nice dresses. It will probably be same style/different colour tones but in same scheme. Or same colour/different styles...

Have decided to break it to hubby-to-be that we will have the best/grooms men and brides maids mixed in with the other guests during the dinner and only the parents of the bride&groom and my granny at the top table. He doesn't know it yet but that's just a compromise he's gonna have to live with

Thanks very much for all the input

Ginny

Twobird dresses are lovely but are over €250 each. You don't HAVE to match up with the grooms side, I had 2 bridesmaids, my hubby ended up with a best man, a groomswoman and 3 other attendants. Made no difference on the day at all. I did buy everything for the bridesmaids but they picked everything themselves.

amdublin

You don't have to have your bms in matching dresses etc.

You don't have to separate them from their other halfs. Hell, you don't have to have that silly top table if you don't want.

Acoshla

Those two birds dresses might be versatile but they're feckin pricey!

JustAThought

I dint think there are set rules between Hilland & Ireland for bridesmaids!!! The lively thing about doing something new to both parties is that you can set your own new traditions & approaches!!!
Best of fun with it : )