how can i prove my virginity

bexx

HELP!!!
i'm due to get married in august and i know my hymen is broken i used to do judo as a young child and also gymnastics my fiancé is an egyptian muslim and i know he expects me to bleed i am so scared that if i don't bleed he'll divorce me i love him to bits and i can't lose him HELP!!!

Capt'n Midnight

Moved.

Boards doesn't do medical advice.

On the off chance you are genuine then it's something you need to discuss with him. Are there any other deal breakers ?

LegacyUser

This needs to be clarified long before any wedding. Have it out with him now? How about a joint-visit to your GP, who can explain the physics of the situation. He will have to take you at your word for the rest!

uck51js9zml2yt

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Moved.

Boards doesn't do medical advice.

On the off chance you are genuine then it's something you need to discuss with him. Are there any other deal breakers ?

you can't prove it but if your so afraid of his reaction why are you marrying him.

mood

You shouldn't be marrying someone you are afraid of.

ManOfMystery

First off, I agree with the others - you should not be scared of his reaction.

However, at the risk of stating the obvious, have you tried TALKING to him and telling him what you've told us above?

_dublinlad_

Explain it to him straight out. If he dosent believe you - then that is his issue, not yours.

I would agree with the above posters about your fear of his reaction. Take a few moments to think why you fear the reaction of a man your about to marry, when you did nothing wrong in the slightest... somethings not right there..

Oryx

This issue would point to a severe imbalance in your relationship. You know that the problem here is not whether you bleed on your wedding night or not, its the fact that you think he would divorce you for it.

This indicates a man who holds religious beliefs higher than his regard for you.
It also indicates that you are submissive to him to a point I would consider unhealthy.


You really need to think long and hard before committing to this marriage, because you really sound like you are going into it without proper consideration, simply because you 'cant lose him'. A marriage is a long term serious commitment, and you are beginning on a very unequal footing with your future husband.

scholar007

bexx wrote: »

HELP!!! i know my hymen is broken

How would you know such a thing?

ChubbyRunner

Oh you poor thing, I once worked with a Muslim lady who was afraid of the same thing. Its very common for women to lose their hymen before they have sex, I think the idea of a woman bleeding the first time she has sex is a very outdated one now us ladies are so active I'm sure if you google it you will find lots of medical research to support you and maybe a visit to your doctor is a good idea. But I have to concur with everyone else, why on earth would you marry a man who you are clearly afraid of dear? It doesn't sound promising.

tinkerbell

Eh why are you marrying this guy in the first place if you're afraid he'll divorce you? That's not a normal healthy happy relationship AT ALL. Walk away.

Big Bag of Chips

Surely, you telling him should be enough "proof" - if he doesn't believe you, then is it a good starting point for a marriage?

Lawliet

You should explain to him that a hymen doesn't completely cover the vagina, it's a small membrane that partially covers the vagina, and how much it covers changes from person to person. The hymen isn't broken, it's stretched by physical activity, tampons, sex etc.
The bleeding that often occurs on a person's first time isn't proof of virginity, it's proof that the hymen hasn't been stretched in a long time and their partner is being a bit too rough. This concept of bleeding = virginity is outdated and has very little basis in reality. If you don't think he'll listen to you get him to talk to a gynecologist.
But first, I'd be asking myself why I was marrying someone who values my virginity more than me.

Nothingbetter2d

bexx wrote: »

HELP!!!
i'm due to get married in august and i know my hymen is broken i used to do judo as a young child and also gymnastics my fiancé is an egyptian muslim and i know he expects me to bleed i am so scared that if i don't bleed he'll divorce me i love him to bits and i can't lose him HELP!!!

doesn't tampons sometimes break the hymen? and not all women bleed when they have sex for the first time.

Sappa

Buy some cows blood and throw some on the sheets,then hang these sheets from your balcony window for all to see.
This is how they do it in Turkey or face the shame of the populace,what an archaic religion in all fairness.

ted1

Coincide wedding with your period?

squonk

Just don't marry the guy. If he's that concerned about all of this then he holds his daft beliefs higher than you. You're to be his wife and not second to anything else in his world.

Squiggler

Do you know for a fact that he is expecting to see blood? Has he told you this?

Even with a fully intact hymen many women do not bleed after first intercourse.

If this is such a big deal to him that you are afraid he'll divorce you if you don't bleed on demand then I suggest you pip him to the post and don't marry him in the first place.

Try to picture to yourself a future full of more situations like this, not just about how you dress, behave etc. but also in relation to any children you might have. Do you want to live an unfamiliar life in fear?

P. Breathnach

bexx wrote: »

HELP!!!
i'm due to get married in august and i know my hymen is broken i used to do judo as a young child and also gymnastics my fiancé is an egyptian muslim and i know he expects me to bleed i am so scared that if i don't bleed he'll divorce me i love him to bits and i can't lose him HELP!!!

I assume that you are a virgin - if you are not, just walk away now.

The only proof that your intended should need is your word. If he shows any doubt about accepting your word on something that he regards as essential to your relationship, then you don't have a proper foundation for a successful marriage: you need mutual trust.

bexx

in response to all your message I AM NOT afraid of him it's just his culture i love him and he loves me

Sappa

Sounds like his culture is a huge part of his life and you have to either accept this or reject his Muslim beliefs.
If you have any doubt about the religion now your say will be massively irrelevant once you are married and considered beneath him by his culture.

aidan24326

bexx wrote: »

HELP!!!
i'm due to get married in august and i know my hymen is broken i used to do judo as a young child and also gymnastics my fiancé is an egyptian muslim and i know he expects me to bleed i am so scared that if i don't bleed he'll divorce me i love him to bits and i can't lose him HELP!!!

Walk away and preferably do so at a speed that could be described as running.

Ignore this advice if you must but just read your own op again and think about it.

FouxDaFaFa

If he needs you to be a virgin to marry him, I suppose that's your business.

However, there's not going to be anyone else in that room with the two of you. You should be comfortable enough with him to agree between you that you may or may not bleed (it varies) and that it shouldn't be a big deal either way. The big deal is the marriage.

I know you want to please him and you love him but remember that there are two of you in that marriage. You can respect his cultural values but he also has to respect yours. Don't lose yourself.

Taltos

OP - talk to him right now.
The basis for any marriage has to be honesty and trust.

If you start off on any other basis you are just going to make things that much more difficult for you both going forwards.
Keep is plain and simple - for whatever reason your hymen is broken - yes this means that you won't bleed on your wedding night but it does mean that your first time together may not have the pain normally associated with an unbroken hymen.

If and I have to stress this - if even now his religious views preclude you being open with him and him with you then yes I have to agree with the others here you should seriously consider your future together. Yes, love is wonderful, but it isn't always enough.

I know you don't know any of us here - but think about it - if you can't sit down and talk now - what hope do you think you will have later? For example, when you have children assuming you do and he wants to follow a religious belief that you disagree with - will you just stay quiet or will you tell him no? Really these differences are things you cannot put off - you need to map out right now your responses to different situations - marriage is hard enough without the constant fear of "what if this time..."

Talk to him - not just about your hymen but everything else right now.

Oryx

He loves you? But you said yourself that you don't think he loves you enough to stay with you if you don't bleed on your wedding night to 'prove' your virginity. I see no trust here, on either side. All the love in the world won't hold a marriage together without trust.

xsiborg

OP your future husband (as you seem so adamant about marrying him!), is probably just as worried you'll divorce him when you find out about his micro-penis.

my sister converted to muslim to marry a muslim man and she was no virgin when they were married! they're married now ten years and they have four children.

you're worrying about your husbands reaction now, then perhaps neither you, nor your future husband, are ready for marriage.

kylith

Tell him that you believe your hymen has been broken by active sports, and your use of tampons if you think that'd help. Tell him that if he has a problem with that it's his problem, not yours, and he can feck off for himself.

Truth be told I'm with the others who are dubious of the health of your relationship if a bit of blood means so much to him. Has he said that he'd divorce you if he found out you weren't a virgin? If so you really are better off without him.

krudler

bexx wrote: »

in response to all your message I AM NOT afraid of him it's just his culture i love him and he loves me

so just tell him you broke your hymen previously? unless he's a complete idiot and assumes the hymen can't be broken by anything before sex he should understand, if he doesnt then hey thats his problem.

the_syco

bexx wrote: »

in response to all your message I AM NOT afraid of him it's just his culture i love him and he loves me

Does his culture allow women to walk outside without their husband, and/or to talk to other men? How much does of his culture will you now have to follow when you become his wife? And how many wives can he have?

Taltos

Closing as the OP has not been back in two weeks.