She thinks it's going great, I want to split. How?

LegacyUser

Advice please.

Been seeing this girl for a few weeks, she's nice but I'm just not feeling sparks and don't see it having a long term future.

I know there's never going to a be nice opportunity to tell her I'm not interested but she's so enthusiastic and thinks things are going so well it's going to be extra difficult. She's been suggesting "dates", telling her friends about me and just generally pushing the relationship forward.

I don't want to be one of those assholes who "gently" lets a girl down by being a distant prick to her 2 weeks before her dumps her. On the other hand I don't want to completely blindside a girl who thinks things are going well when in reality my hearts not in it. Anyone got a thoughtful strategy or should I just accept I'm going to surprise her and there will be tears?

nowyouresix

Just tell her your heart's not in it ! Good luck !!

_dublinlad_

Do it face to face, there is no substitute, do not text/call/email her the news. Preferably do it close to were she lives. Just be a gentleman and be honest..

Ickle Magoo

theblindside wrote: »

... I'm just not feeling sparks and don't see it having a long term future.

^^^ That's all you need say OP...just be honest and upfront.

I think whether you do it in person or not is really up to you - after only a matter of weeks I'd certainly rather have a phone-call than go to the effort of getting all done up and excited just to be publicly and unexpectedly dumped - but you/your girlfriend might view things differently.

All the best OP. :cool:

The Lovely Muffin

You need to tell her sooner rather than later that your heart isn't in it and you don't see your relationship lasting too long.

Don't do it by phone/text/Facebook/email etc, do it face to face. It's the least she deserves.

fallen01angel

Hi Op,
1st of all I want to give credit to you for being thoughtful to the other person involved. IMO the best thing you can do is to be honest,if the chemistry isn't there then it's not there and that's no-one's fault but let her know she didn't do anything "wrong".
I would recommend you have this conversation face to face,no text,no phone call and especially no facebook. It takes alot of guts to end a relationship,no matter the lenght of duration but if this if how you feel then do it asap.
Good luck.

darkangel1986

personally, i cant see the big fuss about meeting up in person. if it was me and if it was only a few weeks a phone call would suffice. i wouldnt like myself to be told that by a guy that he is not interested in person i would feel very awkward.

Podgers

im in the same situation right now, met a very nice girl but have no connection with her. At the time i thought things would get stronger with time but they haven't. the only way is to be upfront and tell her straight out.

niceem1

Whatever you do, please tell her soon!

Best of luck

Katgurl

As someone who was recently left completely confused by the guy 'needing a bit of time to think' and never getting back to me I would say tell her straight out. Be kind, clear and sensitive - "YOu're a great girl, I don't want to mess you around, I'm just not feeling it and don't see a future."

Phone or in person is fine. She'll get over it in no time.

squonk

Just send her a quick text, 'Welcome to Dumpsville... population: You'.

Ickle Magoo

Squonk infracted.

You are already aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.



As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

Piliger

Katgurl wrote: »

As someone who was recently left completely confused by the guy 'needing a bit of time to think' and never getting back to me I would say tell her straight out. Be kind, clear and sensitive - "YOu're a great girl, I don't want to mess you around, I'm just not feeling it and don't see a future."

Phone or in person is fine. She'll get over it in no time.

This is the way to go. There is no easy way. It's like a plaster on a hairy arm ... there's the slow and very very painful way or the fast youch ... but over quickly.
I have never met anyone who preferred the slow gentle break up.

jimmycrackcorm

The Lovely Muffin wrote: »

You need to tell her sooner rather than later that your heart isn't in it and you don't see your relationship lasting too long.

Don't do it by phone/text/Facebook/email etc, do it face to face. It's the least she deserves.

Actually doing it by phone call is best in this situation. First of all you've only been together a few weeks, secondly - how does it work to arrange a meeting where she expects to do something with you only to be shot down. So not only do you let her down but also waste her time in meeting up. Text is a bit too impersonal.

Piliger

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Actually doing it by phone call is best in this situation. First of all you've only been together a few weeks, secondly - how does it work to arrange a meeting where she expects to do something with you only to be shot down. So not only do you let her down but also waste her time in meeting up. Text is a bit too impersonal.

For what it's worth I agree completely.

Whiteflag12

As you said she's a nice girl so be kind to her, I would suggest face to face defo not by text. As an aside I don't know what age you are but maybe looking for 'sparks' isn't the best option, I know there has to be a level of attraction but a relationship is built on a lot more than 'sparks', trust me I've learnt the hard way! Maybe its worth exploring the situation a bit more? Just some food for thought.

niceem1

Any update blindside?

I'm quite interested in this thread, as I'm getting the impression I'm in a similar situation at the moment, with me being the girl about to get dumped.

coco_lola

I'm a woman, and personally, if I wasn't seeing a guy that long, I'd rather not have that talk face to face. It can be an uncomfortable one at the best of times, and when you don't know each other that well (I'm assuming a few dates), then a phone call should suffice. I'm a big texter, so a text for me would be fine. But do it sooner rather than later, no point leading her on. If you're not into it, she may be sensing it already and it will only do her head in to not know where she stands, so just do it as soon as possible. You guys have only been dating a few weeks, she'll be fine :rolleyes:

andreac

Please just be honest with her and tell her you dont see it going any further, you arent feeling it etc.

As someone who was seeing a guy for 6 weeks, who got all distant on me so i had to ask him what was going on, then got stupid excuses about being busy with work, no time, blah blah, i would have much rathered he had said he just wasnt into me enough to keep seeing me.

I absol despise rediculous excuses, do they think we are stupid??

omgitsthelazor

Would agree with not wanting it to be done face to face. She'll likely complain about the insensitivity of being dumped over the phone but its far better for her to feel angry with you than mortified in person. The last thing you want after having bad news broken is to have to save face and continue the charade of a meal or whatever it is your meeting for.

msg11

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Do it face to face, there is no substitute, do not text/call/email her the news. Preferably do it close to were she lives. Just be a gentleman and be honest..

Just a question. Been playing on my mind a while, but if the main from of communication in a relationship was say text. Would it be ok to break up via text?

I my mind it was ok to break up that way? Not because I could not say it too her face, but it is how I done most of the contact. I'm starting to see myself as a total dickhead for not doing it to her face.

LegacyUser

I called her and told her.

Although I would have been ok doing it face to face, it would have been very difficult to organise (you can't tell someone "when are you free to meet up and breakup?" and otherwise she would have gotten enthusiastic about dinner plans or whatever we'd be doing). Even texting her "let me know if you're free to talk later" got her suspicious.

I was short and polite. I said it was nice getting to know her but I didn't feel like we had chemistry, that I was sorry things didn't work out. She was obviously upset and surprised. She mostly replied monosyllabically. It wasn't nice but since we didn't have a whole lot to say, it was mercifully short.

I haven't heard from her since and I don't expect to. I actually know she has a twitter account and I saw her post a "tea fixes everything" and some more cheerful things so I'm glad she's not too distraught.

In summary, although I'm obviously disappointed there wasn't a happier ending, I'm glad I went out with her, gave it a shot and recognised that it wasn't worth pursuing before things got too messy. We both acted like grown ups and life will go on.

Ickle Magoo

Please don't feel like you have to return and satiate anyone's curiosity by offering an update, OP.

As your issue has now been resolved - I'll lock this thread.

All the very best.