Is this a bad sign?

LegacyUser

Regular poster but embarrassing q so i'll be going unreg

So i'm seeing this great guy 4 months, everything is good, yet to have sex. When we were fooling around he was 'fingering' me for want of a better word, I reached over and noticed he wasn't hard, not even a semi. Nothing. Its happened a few times, he doesn't seem to get hard unless I'm touching him and he does sometimes lose his hard on during blowjobs, only for a few seconds(he says they're amazing so i don't think that is the problem). With any other guy i've been with they've been hard as a rock before they even started touching me. Are all guys different or is he just not that attracted to me?

The Lovely Muffin

I wouldn't assume that he isn't turned on or isn't attracted to you OP.

Do you think he would talk to you if he wasn't? Have you spoken to him about it?

I think you should talk to him about it, it won't be easy to bring up and talk about, but if it's bothering you a lot, which I'm guessing it is considering you've posted a thread about it, then you need to speak with him.

Only he can give you a definite answer, all we can do is offer suggestions.

R019912

All guys are different and some are more easily turned on than others. I wouldn't get too hung up on it, he could also just be nervous. Not all lads are sex maniacs who find that all this stuff comes naturally to them, and when you get nervous, erections tend to be hard to come by (excuse the pun). To be blunt about it, he most probably wouldn't be with you 4 months and have his hands down your knickers if he didn't find you attractive!

Jay Pentatonic

Totally agree with the above posters! have a chat with him and if he's comfortable with talking about it he'll let you know.

Don't be hard on yourself! i wouldn't come to the conclusion that he is not attracted with you. If a guy is with a girl for four months that is usually a VERY good sign:)
There could be many reasons why this is happening. Anxiety, self consciousness, diet, lack of excecise, medication he could be on or even too much "self practice" at home.

try not beat yourself up about this

And congrats on the relationship being great apart from this slight problem that really isn't a big deal at all.

Best of luck with the chat!!!! :):)

LegacyUser

OP I'm a guy and what your describing sounds fairly normal to me. Especially when he is fingering you, he is probably concentrating on that! And on pleasing you.. so he might not be as physically aroused himself at that time even though I am sure he is in his head. Also as other posters have said, he could just be nervous or thinking about things too much. It's very common amongst lads that they might not get hard if they are worrying etc. For instance, you say you havn't had sex yet so he could have been over-thinking whether you guys were about to?

I actually wouldn't bring something like this up with him just yet. I don't think it's really an issue. I'm normally all for communication but this could just make him uncomfortable talking about it and possibly make the problem worse? It's really nothing for you to be worry about. Whether he is hard or not is not a measurement in any way as to if he is attracted to you. If it continues to be a problem then definitely talk to him.

SheFiend

I agree with above poster; talking about it will make it sound like a big issue, and he will certainly remember your concern next time you are playing around, and feel pressure to perform, which would worry him further.

I don't think there is cause to be concerned, although i do see how strange it seems to you.

Unless he is also worried about this, its better to accept it and provide a safe environment devoid of criticism so that he will relax. Given time, he will become more comfortable and less anxious.

Piliger

Hi again OP - Please forgive me if I am prejudging your age ...but girls growing into their sex lives need to learn how temperamental men's arousal issues are. Even for young guys in their twenties their equipment has a mind of it's own and sometimes it's very sensitive to mood and ego and stress and alcohol etc. Porn movies give the impression all young guys can spring to action on demand. It ain't always like that and it gets even more susceptible as the years flow past :rolleyes:

If you are faced with a no-show, please believe me when I say the very very best thing you can do is make it absolutely crystal clear to the guy how little it matters and that there's lots of other naughty things you both can do that time....

My two cents.

LegacyUser

I'm a guy OP and I have/had similar issues before. I know myself I can get very hard when I still have my clothes on and thinking about sex but something I think a lot of women miss is that without direct stimulation, sooner or later the erection will go. There's been times I've just been holding hands with a girl or kissing a girl and I get a hard on but by the time we get to the bedroom, the erection has started to go a bit or even completely. For me anyway it will get hard at the start but it will need direct stimulation to stay that way.

As someone else said, he's probably focusing on pleasuring you and while he's probably turned on, the erection may go.

One thing that was an issue for me was nerves. You seem like a sensible girl and the one thing I'd say to you is to not make a big deal out of it. I was with a girl once who made a huge problem out of it. She'd go silent, wouldn't speak to me. It made a difficult situation a hundred times worse. I'd never worried about erection problem before her but since, it's the first thing that comes to mind if I think I might be getting some action, I start to wonder/worry if I will be able to get it up and keep it up.

Condoms also can cause problems and seemed to be the main issue I was having. I met a different girl a year or so after the girl who made the big deal out of things. This other girl couldn't have been more different and she was really patient. I would seem to lose my erection when I went to put a condom on and it was annoying. She then told me one day she was going on the pill and I had very few issues after that. Occasionally things wouldn't work but 90% of the time they did.

Just be patient and I'm sure things will work out fine.

Pa Dee

isthisnormal wrote: »

Regular poster but embarrassing q so i'll be going unreg

So i'm seeing this great guy 4 months, everything is good, yet to have sex. When we were fooling around he was 'fingering' me for want of a better word, I reached over and noticed he wasn't hard, not even a semi. Nothing. Its happened a few times, he doesn't seem to get hard unless I'm touching him and he does sometimes lose his hard on during blowjobs, only for a few seconds(he says they're amazing so i don't think that is the problem). With any other guy i've been with they've been hard as a rock before they even started touching me. Are all guys different or is he just not that attracted to me?

May be down to his masturbatory habits. Might be worth having a chat to him to see how often he is doing it.