Would you bother?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I think I probably know the answer to this but its good to get other peoples opinions! Went on a first date with a dude a week or so ago, got on amazing and ended up spending the night together (this was not a good idea in hindsight) Hung out the whole next day etc and it was great!
However he mentioned that he wasnt into any serious so I dont know whether to just drop it at this stage. Could see myself liking him but Im really not in the humor of getting pr!cked around by someone.

I suppose the question I'm asking is should I just drop it at this stage or hang around for awhile to see if anything progresses?

Honest,blunt and nice responses welcome

Beruthiel

If he's not looking for anything serious and you are, then you know the answer.

daisybelle2008

Drop it now. This guy has told you he doesn't want something serious.
Too be honest why do you need other people's opinion on this?

I'm genuinely curious, you say you don't want to be pr*cked around, why then would you chase after someone that is on a totally different wavelength?

Your gut instinct sees the red flag otherwise you would not be posting here.
Why don't you respect the fact you want different things.
Are you planning on pretending you are ok with nothing serious? But secretly hoping to win him over and change his mind? Cause that would be pretty manipulative.

LegacyUser

OP here...just to clarify a few things..

Too be honest why do you need other people's opinion on this?

I was under the impression this is a place where you can ask for peoples opinions on stuff? Is that not the point this forum?

why then would you chase after someone that is on a totally different wavelength?

I went on one date with the bloke, I'm hardly chasing after him.

Are you planning on pretending you are ok with nothing serious? But secretly hoping to win him over and change his mind? Cause that would be pretty manipulative.

Ermm....no....I'm not a manipulative person. I'm not pretending anything either, I was only asking people on this forum would you bother going on a second date if you knew he was not into anything serious.

P. Breathnach

It seems that you are interested enough in him to hope that something develops. He has told you that he is not looking for anything serious.

Chances are that if you stick around, he won't get seriously involved with you, but there are many people happily married to one another where one party was originally not interested in forming a relationship.

The risk you take is that you may end up hurt.

On balance, I'd say that the risk/return ratio is against you, and it's probably better to get out now.

ilovesleep

If you like him and want to see more of him but decide that you would be happy going down the casual path with nothing serious coming out of it be warned and this is just my opinion but I think some people use the casual way as a ticket to fcuk and prick around with someone, their head and their emotions, use and abuse them. Even though casual has been agreed, a little respect goes a long way. It's no excuse to treat someone like dirt. I mean like making plans making you get all giddy and excited and cancelling at the last minute or not at all. Even though you have a casual set up, it's not nice. It depends on how well you know him and what you and your life can take and handle. In my opinion he got what he wanted and he'll keep you on a back burner until he wants another but will drop you as fast as lightening when it suits.

silly

You could go either way with this really.
He has told you he doesnt want a relationship, so you could take him at his word, and go your separate ways if ye both want different things.

I had a very similar experience with a guy about 6 yrs ago. It wasnt a first date, but just a night out, where we ended up spending the night together (fully clothed mind you!) and got on really really well. He did say that he was not looking for a relationship. But I really liked him, and thought, if i could have a few months of fun with him, it would be better than none...
anyway, fast forward to now, and we are married and expecting our first child. We couldnt be happier.

It can happen! You just need to decide is he worth the risk of getting too into and possibly heart broken...

daisybelle2008

Malcontent123 wrote: »

OP here...just to clarify a few things..

Too be honest why do you need other people's opinion on this?

I was under the impression this is a place where you can ask for peoples opinions on stuff? Is that not the point this forum?

why then would you chase after someone that is on a totally different wavelength?

I went on one date with the bloke, I'm hardly chasing after him.

Are you planning on pretending you are ok with nothing serious? But secretly hoping to win him over and change his mind? Cause that would be pretty manipulative.

Ermm....no....I'm not a manipulative person. I'm not pretending anything either, I was only asking people on this forum would you bother going on a second date if you knew he was not into anything serious.

The reason I asked why you need other peoples opinion, is cause you say you probably know the answer, I am wondering therefore why you don't trust yourself to know. This is not a big issue, it is the kind of thing that you don't really need to second guess yourself on.
Also you say sleeping with him was not a good idea in hindsight. Yet you had an amazing night .

I would say a second date is a bad idea for you in particular, with someone who doesn't want something serious, and why would you view it as being pr*cked around if he did not change his mind
Take him at his word.

Fiona

OP you just need to decide whether or not you want to take a risk on this bloke and are you going to be happy to be let down when you realise that it develops into nothing, that said you never know what might happen.

My advice, don't get too close, maintain a safe distance, have a bit of fun, don't be too available and just see what happens.

fungun

I think a lot of people on here kinda know what they should do, but look for a bit of affirmation, take it easy on her.

OP, I think your instinct to back away is probably the right one

Katgurl

I think he was right to be honest with you and you are right to be honest with yourself.

You could talk to him on the phone and say "It's too early days to know if we like each other or not but if you're definitely only looking for somethign casual I wouldn't really be interested in continuing."

I'm pretty sure his answer will remain the same but you'll be no worse off than you are now. And definitely don't spend the night again while things are so up in the air.

Pa Dee

The lad is being honest so there shouldn't be a problem

dellas1979

Ahh sounds like an internet meet.

Umm ok - first date. Ye slept together - no judgement there. You did what you did, and sounds like you enjoyed it. And then he springs the old not looking for anything serious line. It doesnt sound good, and I would drop it if you are looking for something more serious. Your head will get melted from not knowing what is going on, and you will get attached to him and he wont care (because he has already told you he is not looking for anything serious, so "technically" he isnt doing anything wrong).

What ages are ye? Had he told you why he is not looking for something serious? Has he been in contact since? (was that when he dropped in the clanger/dont want anything serious line?) or did you know before?

PS: "Not looking for anything serious" means he is seriously keeping his options open for other women, and you are just a bit of fun/a way to pass the time for when he gets bored. Sorry-but tis true. If you are in the same frame of mind (albeit change "women" for "men") go for it. But be warned. If you pursure this knowing the above, you will get hurt. He has laid his cards on the table. If you are looking for someone/something more substantial, find someone who doesnt make it clear from the get go that they are not looking for something more serious.

IrishEyes19

OP, ask away. That's what the forums are for. I dont see how some people can be so high handed when all your doing is asking for advice.

I would agree with some other posters. if you would like to have a serious relationship if things work out with him, then you're probably best to leave it, if he's made his intentions clear.

Otherwise if your happy with things that way. I see no issue

BattleCorp

What harm can it do to ask him if he wants to see you again? Either he will want to see you again or he won't.

If you don't build up your hopes, then what harm can it do? Either way, you will know where you stand.

Piliger

Malcontent123 wrote: »

Hi all,

I think I probably know the answer to this but its good to get other peoples opinions! Went on a first date with a dude a week or so ago, got on amazing and ended up spending the night together (this was not a good idea in hindsight) Hung out the whole next day etc and it was great!
However he mentioned that he wasnt into any serious so I dont know whether to just drop it at this stage. Could see myself liking him but Im really not in the humor of getting pr!cked around by someone.

I suppose the question I'm asking is should I just drop it at this stage or hang around for awhile to see if anything progresses?

Honest,blunt and nice responses welcome

Hi OP. Personally I think it's great that you are open to looking for input into your decisions. A very mature and considered attitude.

Let's go back to the start. You had sex with him on a first date. What message is he interpreting from that ? That's not me being judgemental, only asking. Is he seeing that as a major heavy thing from you, and thinking he is into something scary, with 'commitment' here ?
What does he mean by serious .... do you know ? is he just trying to be 'cool' ... maybe out of fear.

I know that's a lot of questions but these are the things that matter when we get into relationships and especially when we throw sex into the mix.

If you like him then the common sense thing to do is to see him again and try to answer some of those questions before you make a decision. That's my two cents anyway.