older guy, younger girl

eirn

I’m a 27 year old woman, just out of a pretty serious relationship.
I’ve very recently started seeing an older guy (he’s in his forties, which I know isn’t old, just a bit older than me!).:)
We’ve only been out together a few times, so it’s nothing serious! But I really like him and I get the feeling that he likes me.


He’s great company, we have lots in common and I find him really attractive, but the age thing is sort of playing on my mind. Maybe I’m just being really stupid, and I know I’m totally getting ahead of myself here, but anyway!


In lots of ways he’s everything I want, he’s mature, intelligent, confident and really kind. But I suppose I’m just getting overly concerned about what other people might think. A lot of my friends are starting to settle down, all with guys around their own age. My ex-boyfriend was actually a couple of years younger than me, and while he was lovely in lots of ways, he also drove me crazy sometimes and could be really immature. He was also kind of unsure of himself, and not that ambitious.



Finally, the new guy (sorry, can’t think of a better way to phrase that!), he has a really good job, and I guess it would be quite well paid.

I’m just starting out in my career, and still studying part-time, so obviously we’re quite unbalanced there, and I suppose I’ve just gotten it into my head that if things between us progressed, that maybe people might be a bit judgmental about the difference in our circumstances and my reasons for being with him.


I know it’s obviously early days, and maybe nothing will come off it. But I guess I’m just interested in what other people might think. Is it a bit weird!?

Dravokivich

If you like being with him and he treats you fairly there's no problem. Any issue of perspective is down to other people's prejudice.

P. Breathnach

If you were 22, I might have reservations, and I might invite you to have second or even third thoughts about the situation. But you're 27 and (I trust) mature.

It's your call, and I can guess how you want to call it. It's not for other people to decide who you should be with.

Piliger

eirn wrote: »

I’m a 27 year old woman, just out of a pretty serious relationship.
I’ve very recently started seeing an older guy (he’s in his forties, which I know isn’t old, just a bit older than me!).:)
We’ve only been out together a few times, so it’s nothing serious! But I really like him and I get the feeling that he likes me.

Never let yourself be limited by "what people think". 99.99999% of the time they don't even think what we think they will think. And anyway it's not them who is living you life. It's you.

Enjoy what is happening and go with the flow. As you say you are just out of a heavy one so take it step by step. Hopefully if he is as mature as his age (not guaranteed) he will be patient and do the same.

johnr1

What people think? In fairness,- fcuk em, what do they know of your relationship, or how suited you two may be.

I'm 38, and my gf is 27, and tbh, neither thinks of the other as older or younger. People mature at different speeds, and at 27, she wouldn't have been interested in the johnr1 of 11 years ago, and to be honest, I'd have thought the her of today too family oriented and mature then.

Life stage is ten times more important than chronological age. Every time.

darkangel1986

Hi op, how much do you like this guy?

in my own experience i was dating a guy and was concerned over what people thought of him that i could do much better. But in hindsight i realised if i like a guy enough all of that stuff would not bother me so maybe that is something to think about?

Neyite

20 years of an age gap between my parents, and they were more in love than a lot of couples around them. They had their moments (like all couples do) but loved each other so much, right up until death did them part.

Go for it and stop worrying.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I went out with a guy 14 years older than me from ages 19 to 24 and it was disastrous, totally different life stages. I was tearing my hair out with boredom, wanted friends and parties and adventures, he wanted to stay in and "put his feet up". Sweet Jesus it was a car crash of a relationship towards the end and I really regret wasting so much time.

Anyways, you're 27 not 19 so I'm sure you'll get out if you want and won't feel trapped. So yeah, even with my previous experience and aversion to older guys as a result, I still say go for it. You sound like you really like him, sure isn't that all that matters? Who gives a f*ck what other people think of your motives, if they're that crazy judgemental sure they're going to be thinking rotten things no matter what you do, don't pander to them. Do what you want to do.

Best of luck.

Lorna123

I just think that the age difference now is not relevant, and if you are only concentrating on the here and now then just enjoy. However, should you marry this guy just remember that he will age a lot quicker than you will in terms of being settled and that might annoy you later on. He will be in his 70s when you are only in your 50s and that is when you might be sorry you didn't marry a younger man.

eirn

Hi everyone. Thanks a million for the replies. To be honest, even writing it out made things clearer for me, I'm really just delighted that I've met someone so nice, that I've clicked with so well. It absolutely shouldn't matter what other people think.

I think what might have thrown me is that my best friend had a hugely negative reaction when we were chatting about him.

But anyway, we're not getting married anytime soon (we are meeting for dinner tonight though ). I'm just going to enjoy things as they are, and see how it goes.

Piliger

eirn wrote: »

Hi everyone. Thanks a million for the replies. To be honest, even writing it out made things clearer for me,

Isn't that the way with most of us

All the best !