Best Football Rants

Paully D

Seen this thread on another forum and thought I would post something similar here.

What are your favourite footballing rants, breakdowns, meltdowns etc? Here's a few of mine (most of these do contain a lot of bad language so you have been warned :pac:):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_NQqnc_ue0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obixCOVTVwY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUCvk2HxZ_E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prep4trYNj4

MrStuffins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yenzdq5g6o

Oat23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1sprC3-nmM

SEPT 23 1989

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unhGb0hpxuM

Jax Teller

GLaDOS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xpEXip5X1U

I know a few of the lads jumping around in the background, which makes it funnier

Sappy404

ScienceNerd wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xpEXip5X1U

I know a few of the lads jumping around in the background, which makes it funnier

Collins: 'I think he was a bit angry'.

Indeed, Roddy. Indeed.

Mushy

Grimsby Town FC fan wrote:

Now I’m as optimistic as anyone when it comes to this twát of a football club, but after this afternoon’s latest capitulation it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee – we’re fúcked. Down. Goners. Non-league. To be honest I didn’t know how it would affect me, it’s not like it hasn’t been coming, but tonight I just feel absolutely deflated. Absolutely fúcking devastated.

I can’t get away from these emotions, I just want the whole world to just fúck off and leave me alone. To help me come to terms with this whole mess, I’ve decided to compile a list of everyone and everything I want to fúck off most of all.


For starters, work can fúck off. If they think I’m going to be there on Monday morning they’ve got another thing coming. No way am I going in to spend time dealing with cúnts that I can barely stand being with when I’m in a good mood, let alone this crushing feeling of anger, frustration and outright metaphorical-kicked-in-the-bóllocks-ness.

Plastic Premier League fans can fúck off. I just spoke to my Manchester United supporting neighbour (who incidentally, has been to Old Trafford before – twice) about Town’s predicament. You know what he said? “I know how you feel; it’s like when we failed to win a trophy in ‘95”. NO IT FÚCKING WELL IS NOT!

He no longer has a face.

The girlfriend can definitely fúck off. Her best attempt at consolation – “I don’t know why you’re bothered; you knew they were shít anyway”. Yes love, but they’re MY shít team. They’ve been MINE for pretty much as long as I’ve been able to wipe my own árse, and they’ll be MINE for as long as I’m alive (or at least, until I’m no longer able to wipe my own árse). Truth is, watching my team win does things for me that no woman can. If push comes to shove and I’m horny, I can always have a wánk.

Barrow can fúck off. I’ve been all over the country and beyond to watch my team, but frankly I just don’t have the stomach to visit any town which makes Scunthorpe look like fúcking St. Tropez.

Dad, you can fúck off. This is your fault. Your idea. You introduced me to this shower of shít. “Come with me to Blundell Park”, you said, “Come and support the boys”. What could I do? I was fúcking four, what choice did I have? Why not get me hooked on Heroin whilst you were at it? I could have gone with mum shopping for bras and knickers at British Home Stores, but no, you knew best.

Granted, I’d have probably grown up a homosexual but surely even being simultaneously búggered two guys named Seth and Quentin couldn’t hurt like this.

Seeing as we’re on the subject of homosexuality, Gok Wan can fúck off. No particular reason, I just plain don’t like the annoying, goggle-eyed cúnt.

The F.A. can fúck off. Not for supplying us, week-in, week- out, with inept referee after inept referee, but for imposing sensible financial rules on all clubs in League Two. How many clubs in this division have been into administration this season? Not one. How many points deducted? Not one. How the fúck else are we supposed to avoid relegation – footballing merit? We didn’t have to last season, so why spoil the fun now?

The World Cup can fúck off – I don’t care anymore.

My local pizza shop can fúck off. I ordered a 12” Pepperoni over an hour ago, and where the fúck is it? Are they trying to fúcking fly it to me or something?

Sky Sports can fúck off. Nothing personal, but there’ll be little need for me next season with no Town to be found anywhere. Ooh, Bolton versus Wolves, LIVE. I think I’ll pass…

The radio can fúck off. On my way home from the match, whilst driving down the M180, I caught three completely separate stations playing ‘Down’ by Jay Sean at the exact same fúcking time. The song’s the best part of a year old, how the fúck does that happen by coincidence!?

My nan’s old lucky Buddha that used to sit in her front room can fúck off. When I was a kid I held it in my hands and wished for Town to be in the Premier League. I meant the proper one you fat cúnt, not the one occupied by Histon, Eastbourne and for fúck’s sake, Ebbsfleet, wherever that is.

Tonight can fúck off. I’ve had enough of trying to cope with my emotions; the time has come for oblivion. I haven’t kept any booze in the house since an occasion known only as ‘That Night’ by myself and the missus, but suffice to say that the toilet duck and luminous blue mouthwash are looking like stronger propositions by the minute.

Most of all though, the last 10 years can fúck off. In that time I’ve watched my team fall from the top of the Championship into non-league nothingness. We’ve gone from one great big fúck up to the next without even coming up for air, and today is just the big, fúck off cherry on top.

One thing I’m sure of though is that we WILL be back. When it comes down to it, a football club is basically just a set of supporters, and frankly what I’ve learned in the last few years is that this one has some of the best. We’ve had to put up with some shít, haven’t we boys, but in spite of all of that the future is still bright – it’s fúcking black and white.

Grimsby ‘til I die…

I know its not a player/manager, but I still always laugh.

eugeneious

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQtWVcFpvHg

Hammer Archer

I laughed out loud when I saw this originally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLWpoewh43w

Kerrydude1981

Good old Harry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZcDTl4bYAY

Lawrence1895

Oatesy23 wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1sprC3-nmM

That's a classic :cool:

When Munich played against Dortmund after that rant, we had a nice choreography in the Westfalenstadion...Inflated bottles, loads of them

kitakyushu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37PIWoYsj00

Ulysses Gaze

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQm9RJfoVoA

Alberto Malesani when he was manager at Panathinaikos. He was at war with the media, fans and board of the club at the time!

He said Cazzo - Italian for Dick - about 25 times in this rant.

In Italian but you can tell he is a little upset.

The woman beside him doesn't bat an eyelid!

cson

This is the best one, izzzzz a faaaacht

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOaZYhTd2BU

cson

Also from an Arsenal p.o.v this lad...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IoxJXqWAG4

upandcumming

cson wrote: »

Also from an Arsenal p.o.v this lad...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IoxJXqWAG4

Cunt of a dog!

kryogen

Cant be arsed youtubing it, and someone may have already put it up, but Jeff Stellings rant on Soccer Saturday has me in the stiches each and every time I see it

Ah here, I felt bad

Its brilliant!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO8yHVYof44

kryogen

This not really a rant, but still

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwcpFXOsrY8

This is not Soccer related, but give it time, radio phone in from the NFL

There was actually a hilarious rant posted before in the AF forum iirc. Ill look for it later if im not shot for posting a NFL link here

Zebra3

'Onest 'Arry. :rolleyes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJBsI7RAuvk

monkey9

cson wrote: »

This is the best one, izzzzz a faaaacht

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOaZYhTd2BU

That was quality alright! I remember Fergies interview after his match on the Sunday!! He couldn't believe!! More managers should stand up to Ferguson like this!!!

Hank Scorpio

Liam Brady in a bad mood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyiAjUR6Obg

IvySlayer

monkey9 wrote: »

That was quality alright! I remember Fergies interview after his match on the Sunday!! He couldn't believe!! More managers should stand up to Ferguson like this!!!

Stand up?

Good one. Man Utd won the league that year as soon as Rafa snapped. FHACT.

Xavi6

"Well he was badgering the referee the whole game, the fourth official and the linesman and the minute I go out there he's up again! He was complaining about referees the other week, he can't be complaining tonight that's for sure."

:pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvJx1li1Viw

LuckyLloyd

Ulysses Gaze wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQm9RJfoVoA

Alberto Malesani when he was manager at Panathinaikos. He was at war with the media, fans and board of the club at the time!

He said Cazzo - Italian for Dick - about 25 times in this rant.

In Italian but you can tell he is a little upset.

The woman beside him doesn't bat an eyelid!

This and the John Sitton videos are the best to be found in the thread. That is extraordinary!

Ganymede Glow

IvySlayer wrote: »

Stand up?

Good one. Man Utd won the league that year as soon as Rafa snapped. FHACT.

Rafa also emptied Old Trafford after an hour after that 'rant'. Maybe the timing could have been better but there is nothing wrong with what he said.
Anyway, this is ace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PacW2fJV0

carlop

Ulysses Gaze wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQm9RJfoVoA

Alberto Malesani when he was manager at Panathinaikos. He was at war with the media, fans and board of the club at the time!

He said Cazzo - Italian for Dick - about 25 times in this rant.

In Italian but you can tell he is a little upset.

The woman beside him doesn't bat an eyelid!

Very good. There is a man who needed a break!

HalloweenJack

Couldn't find a copy with subtitles.

Ex-Brazil and Real manager Vanderlei Luxemburgo has a go at an ex-footballer on Brazilian telly. He used to manage him. My Portuguese isn't great but the gist of the rant is that he thinks the former player is being disrespectful. He explodes at him around the minute mark and starts laying in to him, calling him a little boy, saying he is shameless and worthless, over and over again. The guy just sits there saying "ok".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcj7tBETh9U

Ganymede Glow

Another classic from Holloway.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLoo6WEk9uM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFulcDJDJEU

kryogen

I, hand on heart, have just watched (well almost all of it) the Benitez fachhht rant for the first time ever, had to turn it off it was so boring, why did this cause a stir?

Was a terrible trolling attempt imo

kryogen

An oldie but a goodie!

ps, only watch the first 50 seconds or so

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2btb208hZAk

The_Kew_Tour

Keys is Coventry fan too.

kryogen

This, for the first insult alone, fcuking brilliant

And it worked!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BbQupSgbZ0

Also, youve played like a **** Nick, and thats coming from your dad, youve played like a ****!

Rekop dog

Not so much a rant, rather dejected ramblings but the Johannson burn was brilliant I thought, funny because it's true:D

kryogen

There is another clip on that one, with Bellamy refusing to sign a Rangers jersey, which I found quite amusing.

killwill

kryogen wrote: »

There is another clip on that one, with Bellamy refusing to sign a Rangers jersey, which I found quite amusing.

I remember seeing that on Sky Sports where he refused to sign the Rangers jersey. Gotta respect him for that .

monkey9

IvySlayer wrote: »

Stand up?

Good one. Man Utd won the league that year as soon as Rafa snapped. FHACT.

So??

cson

kryogen wrote: »

I, hand on heart, have just watched (well almost all of it) the Benitez fachhht rant for the first time ever, had to turn it off it was so boring, why did this cause a stir?

Was a terrible trolling attempt imo

I just love it purely for the way he says fact tbh

monkey9

kryogen wrote: »

I, hand on heart, have just watched (well almost all of it) the Benitez fachhht rant for the first time ever, had to turn it off it was so boring, why did this cause a stir?

Was a terrible trolling attempt imo

Man Unicans were offended by it!

There was nothing to it at all. Rafa called Ferguson up on issues. Utd fans said that Ferguson would be laughing into his glass of wine that night which he didn't seem to be doing two days later and the they used the 'facht' that Rafa is not an English speaker to use against him even though i'm sure most of those posters can only speak one language!!

But, that press conference was th resaon we drew nill all at Stoke the next night!! :rolleyes:

A Dub in Glasgo

kryogen wrote: »

There is another clip on that one, with Bellamy refusing to sign a Rangers jersey, which I found quite amusing.

About 1 minute in