Nice way to let down clingy girl?

LegacyUser

So classic intro, boy meets girl at party, they share a kiss, exchange numbers, arrange to meet again...

It's at this stage, me (the boy), realises that she's a bit clingy/obsessive. I get constant messages, more than my 3 best friends combined. None are particularly weird, they range from the inane, to inquisitive, to sweet. But it's way too much, too soon. We meet, she's already trying to hold my hand in the street and snuggle me in the bar. I'm not against intimacy but it's starting to feel like a long term relationship rather than a 1st date.

Anyway, without elaborating further, this girl is clearly way more into me than I her. Normally, I'd have no problem saying look this isn't for me at such an early stage but I feel like I need to tread carefully to avoid a potential bunny boiler.

tips?

bellylint

If it just the amout of texting that is putting you off, why not say as much. If I meet someone I try not to get into texting, particularly at the early stages. Too easy to misconstrue meanings etc. Just say you really dont do texting. Might be worth the shot. She might just be excited overall at meeting you, and sure nothing wrong with that.

On the other hand if its more than the texting that is putting you off, just simply say , you are sorry but you dont think it would be a good idea to lead her on, and that you really are not looking for a relationship. Be courteous and you will have acted appropriately .

good luck either way

Ickle Magoo

Some people are really into the PDA's and texting, I'm not either OP - if it's such a massive turn off there is no way back then as I see it, you have two choices;

You can either be honest and tell her the constant texting and public affection does less than zip for you but you risk her pleading that she can change and to give her a second chance, etc or you can make up an excuse as to why it has to end now - you don't want to be in a relationship, your ex is back on the scene, you have too much going on at the moment, etc, etc.

All the best. :cool:

beks101

clung wrote: »

I feel like I need to tread carefully to avoid a potential bunny boiler.

Maybe she just really likes you? Sure, the texting sounds a tad overkill, and the affection might seem a little premature, but maybe that's her pace and you're just incompatible on the relationship front - doesn't mean she's going to turn into some manic Glenn Close character when you tell her that it's not working out for you.

Give her a bit of credit and just do the honest thing, tell her your heart isn't in it and it's time to call it a day. Most mature, self-respecting women appreciate that honesty. If she doesn't, it's not your problem.

daisybelle2008

Op, I am vary wary of people too full on on in the early stages. I don't think it is an indication of how much they like you at all. How could it be, they don't even know you?
When its not reciprocated to their level, their over the top affection is totally inappropriate and misplaced. It is a sign they are need, clingy with low self-esteem, and they are ignoring how one-sided it is and also ignoring the pace you are comfortable with.

I would be very straight forward. Don't assume she will become Bunny Boiler, that is more unlikely than likely.

Don't let her down gently, make excuses that aren't true or go into too much detail. She will take false hope if you are duplicitious.

Just say, my heart isn't it, wish you all the best, good luck. No more than that. You don't owe anymore than that after a couple of dates.

Fiona

beks101 wrote: »

Give her a bit of credit and just do the honest thing, tell her your heart isn't in it and it's time to call it a day. Most mature, self-respecting women appreciate that honesty. If she doesn't, it's not your problem.

+1, just be honest and tell her how you feel, you can't hate somebody for being honest with you, it would make me respect somebody more that they had the balls to sit down and tell me exactly what they were feeling.

LegacyUser

hey,

these things rarely end well so I'd thought I'd share what happened. I told her that the texting etc seemed a bit overwhelming and it actually worked out well. We had a chat and it turns out we're actually on the same page relationship wise, she just loves to text everyone a lot.

thanks boards!

darkangel1986

Hi op do you like this girl? i think maybe bring up the texting etc and give her one chance??

Ickle Magoo

clung wrote: »

hey,

these things rarely end well so I'd thought I'd share what happened. I told her that the texting etc seemed a bit overwhelming and it actually worked out well. We had a chat and it turns out we're actually on the same page relationship wise, she just loves to text everyone a lot.

thanks boards!

Glad things worked out well for you OP. As this issue has been resolved, I'll lock the thread.

All the best. :cool: