Do I contact or not???

blue skye

Met this lovely man online and really hit it off back in Feb. His Ex got sick so he had his kid's living with him and was up and down to Dublin with the kid's to see there mam.

As there was so much going on with him at the time he said he couldn't commit to anything (fair enough - I was happy enough with that) but wanted to keep in contact with me.

I'd send the odd text asking how were things going and he was replying at the start but then nothing!!!????? I think I sent about 3 text's and got no reply.

I logged onto the dating site last night only to find him online! I was thinking of sending him a message via the dating site just saying hi, how are things - What do you think????????????????

I know there was lot's going on with him at the time so I kinda understand it was just the wrong time & I was an added 'thing' he couldn't handle. (Maybe I'm making excuses for him?????)

I am a friend

No - why would you contact him 4 times in a row with no response from him?? He didn't want to meet you and is back online. He knows where to find you if he wants to respond to your last few texts.

Distorted

My suspicions would be that he isn't single at all, and is just looking for a bit of attention on the side, which you've provided him with. Now, he either wants to move onto a new conquest, or doesn't want to risk becoming too attached to someone.

Even if he is single, he doesn't sound interested if he didn't reply to your texts. I guess for closure you could contact him on the dating site and ask him whats going on, but tbh I would be thinking too many red flags that he's a bit dodgy to bother - seperated but still seeing the ex, kids used as an excuse, not replying to texts, repeatedly using online dating sites. I'm not sure what you're looking for, but if its to be messed around, then don't complain if thats what you get from this guy!

daisybelle2008

Dear God, why would you contact someone who is clearly not interested? What he did was let you down gently (too gently apparently, as you didn't get the message loud and clear). He knows where you are, he is going online to find someone else as he is not interested. This is not a bad thing, it saves both your time and leaves you free to find someone else to engage in who is actually interested in you.
Get to know and like yourself a bit better. If someone is not replying to your texts, move on fast and don't question it, you are bordering dangerously close to bunny boiler territory otherwise.

ButterflyABC

No I definitely wouldn't send him another message. I don't care how much he had going on, if he didn't reply to 4 messages he's not interested! I would say move on and find someone else

Piliger

OP - I really don't know why some people feel they have to attack you. You haven't done anything awful or wrong. You just fell for a guy.

From what you say he seems to have had plenty of opportunity to contact you. It also seems like he is seeking contact from women because he is online on a dating site. He was 'online' ? and not just there as a profile, is that correct ?

So if that is the case. it would appear fairly clear that he is looking but hasn't looked YOU up ? That seems to be a pretty clear statement that he isn't interested to be honest.

You could keep sending him messages, but do you feel that will change his mind ? would it change your mind if you weren't interested in someone ?

Or you could write it off to one of those painful life experiences when we want someone who just doesn't want us I know it's painful. But we have to look after ourselves first.

Best of luck.

blatantrereg

I wouldnt take the comments as attacks. Home truths maybe. It's a good idea never to contact someone multiple times before they reply, as a general rule. Unless you have information they need to know, it might be a good idea to stick to that.

You come across as a bit intense here - mainly because of the multiple exclamation marks - and the multiple texts too. It's really preferable to keep things light and pressure-free with people - especially when showing interest in someone before you've developed any relationship with them.

daisybelle2008

Piliger wrote: »

OP - I really don't know why some people feel they have to attack you. You haven't done anything awful or wrong. You just fell for a guy.

From what you say he seems to have had plenty of opportunity to contact you. It also seems like he is seeking contact from women because he is online on a dating site. He was 'online' ? and not just there as a profile, is that correct ?

So if that is the case. it would appear fairly clear that he is looking but hasn't looked YOU up ? That seems to be a pretty clear statement that he isn't interested to be honest.

You could keep sending him messages, but do you feel that will change his mind ? would it change your mind if you weren't interested in someone ?

Or you could write it off to one of those painful life experiences when we want someone who just doesn't want us I know it's painful. But we have to look after ourselves first.

Best of luck.

Nobody attacked the OP here , how are you jumping to that conclusion?

People were blunt and didn't sugar coat what is happening. This is for her own good. The guy clearly DID sugar coat his letting her down gently and that didn't work nor did she get the hint.
Why would we do the same with our advise. That would not be useful for the OP at all.

Piliger

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

This is for her own good.

In your opinion.

In mine, some of these posts are far too aggressive and attack minded. There is a major difference between offering helpful advise and slating someone for their actions.

People come looking for help, not to be knocked about.

daisybelle2008

Piliger wrote: »

In your opinion.

In mine, some of these posts are far too aggressive and attack minded. There is a major difference between offering helpful advise and slating someone for their actions.

People come looking for help, not to be knocked about.

That is a bit negative and judgemental. People were trying to help the OP in their own way. They are entitled to do that. Being honest and tough with advise is not knocking someone! All posters are trying to help.
Why would they be 'attack minded' that implies something malicious. Unless you can read minds, then you can't jump to assumptions.
If you feel 'attacks' are personal report to the mods.

Piliger

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

If you feel 'attacks' are personal report to the mods.

I'd prefer to say it here.

dellas1979

Well see, some people dont respond to the "tough talk" responses. Some do, some dont. I always find that a bit o compassion for those not in that frame of mind does help (if only a little) in order to take the hit. OP obviously isnt in that frame of mind.

OP, dont contact him. You might have a zillion questions, and you obviously liked him, but he has had every opportunity to contact you and is still online, which means he is looking for dates/women/attention. Meeting someone online isnt impossible (Ive 2 friends who met online and are getting married), but you've got to be careful about getting attached to them when they are not in the same mindset as you. Its something we've got to remind ourselves all the time, but if a guy likes you, and wants to be with you or interested to know you, he will make the effort.