lost and don't know what to do about girlfirend

going mad

My girlfriend and I have been together since December 2005. I’m 26 and she is 25. We never knew each other growing up yet she only lived a mile away. She was friends with my best friend which is how we were introduced in October 2005. I thought she was stunning. My best friend ended up kissing her several times before this when they were out and saw each other but nothing ever came of it as she didn’t want anything more than friends. I asked him in December would he mind if I asked her out. He said he didn’t and so I pursued.

Fast track a few years where we got on so well and we did most things together. We had our ups and downs like any other relationship but we always got through them. I started a new job in July 2008 and she started a two years masters in Sept 2008 in the same area so we decided to live with each other for the next two years except the summer time when she went home to work when college was finished. When she finished her masters in Oct 2010 she went home to work to save for the H dip. When she went home she seemed to change and work was more important to her and never seemed to have time for me. I did say it to her but she said she needed to save and work loads for the H dip and that she didn’t want to get any help from her parents as they would not have that sort of money. I understood this and admired her for it.

I finished one set of my exams the end of June 2011 and we stayed in a hotel the Friday for a night to celebrate and we got on really well. She went to Lego land in England with her 10year old brother the Sat until Mon where we met up for food on her return. We left and she said ‘I love you’. The following evening she broke up with me by text saying she can’t do it anymore. We had our fights and that but she said it was because she doesn’t want my sister to be in her life, to be around her, to be an aunt to her children etc. We did go to counselling for this and I thought we were working through our difficult time. At the end of it she said she wanted space. We broke up. We did meet up a few times and did have sex once and we had a small bit of contact. I was the one that didn’t want the break up and it was the hardest time I have ever had and I was just getting through it as contact was weaning a little. She started the h dip in Sept.

Then in December after my ex heard I was with someone else she tells me she misses me and wants to start again. I was not over her but I was just starting to move on. This was the first girl I was with or even looked at since the break up and I didn’t want a relationship as I wasn’t ready. I asked my ex was she with anyone and she said no but a guy in the h dip said he liked her. Later I find out from reading her messages she was texting this guy 303 messages to be precise over the course of October. I know I was wrong to read them but she left her phone behind and I was curious to know who she was texting not the content but just who. But this stood out like a soar thumb. Most of the messages were about college and one or two even about me. But then the kick to the stomach..a text from her to him saying ‘she doesn’t really remember but that you got naked first’. We had just met up the weekend before and that was when we had the sex. She said that him and his friend live outside of the city so they stayed at the B and B my girlfriend is staying at. The other fella stayed with another girl who has a boyfriend and this fella with my ex. She said nothing happened but the text was when she walked into the room he was talking off his t shirt. She said she put her pajamas on in the bathroom. She said they had kissed earlier that night but that she pulled away.

So I said look it happened when we were broken up and that we could start again. I said that she has to be sure and that she cannot break my heart like she did already. She said she was sure this was what she wanted so we got back. Things were brilliant for the next two months and she put in more of an effort she ever did. I thought things were great and meant to be. That the break did us the world of good.

Then in February after spending the weekend with me where she said she loved me about 20 times and it couldn’t have been better. I have no problem with her going out or anything but I have always said to just be aware of fellas who are talking to her for one thing. She said that’s stupid and doesn’t happen. The following night after the weekend away she went out with a friend in college. She got drunk, and doesn’t remember the night but her friend told her the following day that when her friend was at the bar she looked down and saw my girlfriends head and this fellas getting close. The friend left the drinks at the bar and ran over. By the time she got there they had kissed. My girlfriend told me that day and said she now understands what I was saying and it wasn’t out of jealousy and she was sorry. I believe her that she wouldn’t cheat because she told me about it.

As she wants a 1.1 in the h dip she is very busy and she said she has very little time for anything. I tried to be understanding but it bugged me that she seemed to have time for everything and everyone else but not me. I said this to her and she said I was asking for too much. She said she loves me as much as I love her but that she just doesn’t show it the same and can see her spending the rest of her life with me but she wants space now. She said we got together too young. She says I’m suffocating her and she doesn’t want anything holding her back or have to worry about and wants to live a bit. My life has been turned upside down again. She said she got back too early and that it was because she thought she was losing me.

After all her effort the first two months we got back the effort just stopped. I said this to her but anything I did to try and fix it seemed to push her away further and further. I can’t believe she has done this again. She had to rebuild my trust that she wouldn’t hurt me like that again and instead of rebuilding she completely broke my trust again. She has only has three weeks left of college. I try and leave her alone but I can’t get her out of my head. I just want to fix things and she couldn’t care about the relationship. I have had exams recently and it really affected me where as she just gets on with her work as if we don’t exist. Her biggest problem was I text and ring too much but all it would be is once or twice a day. I miss her when we are not together but she forgets about me. When we were meeting up and doing things we couldn’t get on better its just when we are apart. I love her more than life and I would do anything for her and always saw us together forever. I seem to know what I want but she keeps blowing hot and cold. I know she loves me but she is doing nothing to show it but push me away. We broken up now ansI want to move on and find someone who wants to be with me but in a year or so further down the line not jump straight into something new. I know I need to grieve because its like a death. Its like déjà vu all over again but I’m worse this time. I haven’t eaten since Sunday only a kit kat yesterday. How can someone who say they love you and want to be with you but don’t want you in their lives now???

BraziliaNZ

It all sucks huh? A lot of us have been in similar circumstances though, if you took a step back and looked at it from someone else's point of view you'd think it was a load of b*llocks.
You're just some kind of back up guy at the moment, and the way you've behaved (i.e. without much self respect or dignity) has made her lose all respect for you, so she doesn't really care how she treats you anymore, and probably never will.
You need to walk away and stop all contact. Don't be the loser any longer.

Tiocfaidh Armani

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

It all sucks huh? A lot of us have been in similar circumstances though, if you took a step back and looked at it from someone else's point of view you'd think it was a load of b*llocks.
You're just some kind of back up guy at the moment, and the way you've behaved (i.e. without much self respect or dignity) has made her lose all respect for you, so she doesn't really care how she treats you anymore, and probably never will.
You need to walk away and stop all contact. Don't be the loser any longer.

I agree with this bit. It was terrible that she knew you were seeing someone else and then only wanted to give it another go. She’s playing with your emotions and has no respect for it. I’d definitely stay away and move on, you were nearly there before you can do it again.

going mad

Thanks for your replies. How can some one say they love you but treat you with such little respect and do nothing but push you away?

Tiocfaidh Armani

going mad wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. How can some one say they love you but treat you with such little respect and do nothing but push you away?

Some people don't take saying it as seriously as you do. To them it's just words you say to keep people happy. She definitely has little respect for you but doesn't want any one else having you either.

going mad

So why does she say all she needs is space. She says that while i will be at my lowest now it won't hit her for a month or two and then she will be at her lowest realising what she has lost. She knows this but can yet seem to just throw it all away. I know relationships take work if they are to work and I guess I have been over compensating for her lack of effort. I've just been trying to make us work. I am probably over committed and over in love with her but she is not showing any commitment. I'm the only one she is pushing away. Should college be more important than a relationship?

BraziliaNZ

going mad wrote: »

So why does she say all she needs is space. She says that while i will be at my lowest now it won't hit her for a month or two and then she will be at her lowest realising what she has lost. She knows this but can yet seem to just throw it all away. I know relationships take work if they are to work and I guess I have been over compensating for her lack of effort. I've just been trying to make us work. I am probably over committed and over in love with her but she is not showing any commitment. I'm the only one she is pushing away. Should college be more important than a relationship?

Yeah at her age college should be more important. Listen to yourself, you're going on like it's a matter of life and death, if you showed any of this intensity to her during your relationship it would have put her off bigtime. She's gone, she doesn't fancy you anymore but keeps you hanging on because she's selfish. Stop talking to her and move on, nothing will come of this.

Tiocfaidh Armani

Yeah it’s her future after all. I was under the impression she has broke up with you, but if she just wants a bit of space until she finishes her exams then maybe you’re over thinking it a bit?

going mad

it is broken up now but she says all she need is space. I know that I am overthinking it and I know that I am too intense but all I ever wanted to do was fix it. I understand getting her h dip is very important, I'm in my final year of the chartered accountnacy exams and I know how important it is to get them. But when we got back she assured she was in it for the long run and that things would be more 50 50 like relationships should be but she's not putting anything into it. I know college is her priority now but should the relationship not matter atall to the extent every otherthing is more important?

ihsb

It sounds like she is playing you. She doesn't want you (or she might want you and she wants other people too) and she doesn't want anyone else to have you.

The story is as old as time. She is playing games with you, some girls are amazing at it. If she wanted to be with you, then she would make sure that every study break was in your company. She would not have kissed anyone else. And she would not have waited to hear that you were dating someone else before trying to get you back.

I am sorry but I would be seriously surprised if she changed her ways for a long period of time. Maybe play it cool with her and see if she might change her tune? But I would say to run.

going mad

she said that she was drunk and that he kissed her before she knew what was happening though. she said she is not a cheat. Can someone love someone and want to spend their life with you but want space now? She said she just wants to be free and have no worries but how can you cut someone you love out of your life like that? its so unfair and my head is frazzled. I'm all over the place..

ihsb

going mad wrote: »

she said that she was drunk and that he kissed her before she knew what was happening though. she said she is not a cheat. Can someone love someone and want to spend their life with you but want space now? She said she just wants to be free and have no worries but how can you cut someone you love out of your life like that? its so unfair and my head is frazzled. I'm all over the place..

You wouldn't be asking these questions if you didn't know the answers already.

going mad

because she doesn't really love me...

ah op, i think you need to except that this is over and put a stop to it, and soon.

i imagine that she does love you, ye have been together a long time and probably in her head she did think about you and her getting married.
however her actions speak volumes, she doesnt want to be with you anymore, she wants to go out and have good time, meet other people etc. she is probably conflicted in her own thoughts.
when you started seeing someone else, jealousy raged in her. she should've just left you alone but was probably just immature and didnt know how to deal with her feelings. so she said she wanted you back. she doesnt, she may be confused. but one thing is definate she doesnt want to go out with you anymore.

how you deal with it is up to you. walk away with your head high, or hang on and hang on until she does start seeing soemone else. and you end up heartbroken, again.

going mad

but she says that she doesn't want to be with anyone else just that she needs space. although I think its past the point of saving now but i don't want it to be. I kept ringing and texting the last week because I've been going out of my mind and just seem to have driven her further and further away. she is telling me now to get lost and to stop calling her. I try so hard but i keep just wanting to sort it out and things keep going round and round in my head. I miss her like crazy. only last friday week she stayed in a hotel with me and we got on really well then its like ok..i need space. how can you just switch on and off like that??

P. Breathnach

OP, you have given us a picture of a woman who is extraordinarily selfish, and whose loyalty to you is questionable. She switches you off and on at will, and you allow that to happen.

I see it this way because you have enabled me to see it this way. In other words, I think that you also see it. You don't want to believe it, but you need to.

because its handy, you have history together and she likes meeting you now on her terms because she knows you will just do whatever she wants.

maybe she was feeling nostalgic? maybe she just felt like having you around her because she knew you would make her feel better about herself?

its tough op because she's sending you mixed messages, but you need to stand up for yourself, grow a back bone and just be hard.

its hard to do because you dont want to be hard towards the girl you lovebut you have to understand that things are different. she is using you now.
dont allow her to rely on you while she gets a life for herself. seriously.

tell her you're not interested the next time she calls. stop texting and ringing her. just dissappear.

going mad

P Breathnach I think you are right that I know it and don't want to believe it..but I know I do need to accept it and move on.

Bubblypop it is hard but I know now I need to accept it.

if she cared or loved me she would not treat me this way. I know her college is so important and I want to see her succeed. I understand how impotant it is and that but when she doesn't care about the relationship and or if it was going to survive or not she is giving me my answer.

Although we have talked about it over and over I am going to call to her in Galway and talk to her tomorrow for closure. Its got to be the end because there is no future for us and she's made that clear. I don't want arguements just for her to hear how badly she has treated me, how I will never forgive her and then walk away with as much dignity as I have left. At the moment I don't have any as I have tried repeatedly to get her to see that I was so full on because I wanted to sort things out and then give her the space she needed for college but she said no she needs the space and although she wants to be with me needs are more important.

I also said when we broke up can she promise not to be with (kiss or other) anyone for a month as it would be easier for me to get over it and move on. She said no she is not making any promises as incase she did. If I meant anything atall wouldn't you think she would have given me that much?? After the talk tomorrow she can do what she wants with who she wants because i'm moving on and cutting her out of my life for good. I think I deserve better and should be with someone who loves me for me and not this crack.

Taltos

going mad wrote: »

Although we have talked about it over and over I am going to call to her in Galway and talk to her tomorrow for closure.

Don't do this - just cut all contact and don't take any of her calls or texts. The only message you are sending is that she still means so much you have to talk one last time.
Why not just send the signal that she is not worth the time to make a cup of tea...

I do think though you need to take some time to yourself to work on your self esteem and confidence. It is great to want to make someone happy but mot to your own detriment, sometimes it is good to have some space in a relationship, room to breath and all that, also gives you something to talk about.

Now go on, its over, no need to have any type of chat, just walk away head high. I get the feeling that no matter what you say she will still twist it and make you feel worse.

I am a friend

Tbh op from your posts you sound so needy, whiny and controlling that I am not surprised she is running a mile. You have no right to ask her not to be with anyone else and you need to stop calling her so much. Give the girl her space.

BraziliaNZ

going mad wrote: »

Although we have talked about it over and over I am going to call to her in Galway and talk to her tomorrow for closure.

I also said when we broke up can she promise not to be with (kiss or other) anyone for a month as it would be easier for me to get over it and move on. She said no she is not making any promises as incase she did. If I meant anything atall wouldn't you think she would have given me that much?? After the talk tomorrow she can do what she wants with who she wants because i'm moving on and cutting her out of my life for good. I think I deserve better and should be with someone who loves me for me and not this crack.

Closure, you already have that! She gets with other guys and messes you about! In fairness to her you're probably laying all kinds of guilt trips on her and hounding her for attention when you should just be letting both of you get on with your lives.

I think from reading the above no matter what we say here you're still going to go and beg and plead with her during your "closure" session. You're making all the classic mistakes of someone who's confidence is shot and is inexperienced.

I can only hope you learn from your actions and it's not the way you are your whole life, hopefully next time you can keep a bit more dignity and just walk away if someone isn't interested.

going mad

I may sound like im coming across needy but i don't think its wrong to want to be in a loving relationship is it?

P. Breathnach

going mad wrote: »

I may sound like im coming across needy but i don't think its wrong to want to be in a loving relationship is it?

Of course not. But you need to recognise that you are not in one: she is not committed to you.

going mad

I do i realise that an that we never will be again. It hurts cos i love her so much but why love someone who doesn't love you. I know its over an finished.

I am a friend

going mad wrote: »

I may sound like im coming across needy but i don't think its wrong to want to be in a loving relationship is it?

It is when the object of your affection doesn't want the same thing, with you. Sorry op but you just aren't getting the message. You need to leave her alone.

P. Breathnach

It's difficult for you. I suspect that the person you love is not the person that she actually is.

I agree very strongly with Taltos: discontinue all contact immediately. She is looking after her own interests and nobody else's. It's time for you to do the same.

I am a friend

going mad wrote: »

I do i realise that an that we never will be again. It hurts cos i love her so much but why love someone who doesn't love you. I know its over an finished.

So you have your closure and dont need to see her again

mackeire

Look at it this way man, you are Forrest Gump and she is Jenny.

She knows how much you like her but will always walk all over you!

Go out and do things with your mates and live your life instead of just driving yourself crazy thinking about her all the time.
Lifes too short to be thinking about what could have been. Your Jenny knows this!!

@rti-shm@rti

going mad wrote: »

but she says that she doesn't want to be with anyone else just that she needs space. although I think its past the point of saving now but i don't want it to be. I kept ringing and texting the last week because I've been going out of my mind and just seem to have driven her further and further away. she is telling me now to get lost and to stop calling her. I try so hard but i keep just wanting to sort it out and things keep going round and round in my head. I miss her like crazy. only last friday week she stayed in a hotel with me and we got on really well then its like ok..i need space. how can you just switch on and off like that??

Oh OP. I feel very sorry for you. I've been where you are now, perhaps not to the same extent but I'm sure everyone has experienced situations of unrequited love/feelings.

Basically stop giving so much credibility to what she's saying and instead start putting the emphasis on her actions. It sounds like you are allowing her words to cloud what's already obvious from her behaviour. She wants it to be over and she's merely telling you things that you want to hear to soften the blow.

You don't need closure, it's over. Any more contact is going to be another conversation for you to disect. Just draw a line under it and move on.

@rti-shm@rti

I am a friend wrote: »

Tbh op from your posts you sound so needy, whiny and controlling that I am not surprised she is running a mile. You have no right to ask her not to be with anyone else and you need to stop calling her so much. Give the girl her space.

That's a bit harsh I think.

You do sound like this situation is consuming you but in fairness it's much easier to be objective looking in from the outside than it is when you're the one getting your heart broken

going mad

Hi, thanks for all your comments. Outside opinions I feel have really helped me. They haven't made my decision, I needed to come to that and realise it for myself. I did go to Galway today and I said everything that I wanted to and felt. Although alot of ye were saying I had closure, I didn't, but after Galway I now feel I do. I will probably always love her, I do believe when she says she does love me though but she never showed her love for me and the way she treated me..the lack of love, caring and respect I don't want that in my life..I know I don't. I have my closure now and I'm going to start living my life and not wallow in self pity. I'm going to join the gym and start going out with my friends, also I'm going to go to counselling because as much as I'm sure its over I love her more than anything. I need to work through with them and move on....if its got to be its up to me

P. Breathnach

When I saw that you had posted again, I had a concern that you were going to tell us that after talking to her you had sorted something out and you were going to give things another chance.

Well done, sir. Now stay strong, and carry through on your resolve to look after yourself.

going mad

Well i'm in a good place now. I know I will have my ups and downs but I just got to get through them!!

Tiocfaidh Armani

going mad wrote: »

Hi, thanks for all your comments. Outside opinions I feel have really helped me. They haven't made my decision, I needed to come to that and realise it for myself. I did go to Galway today and I said everything that I wanted to and felt. Although alot of ye were saying I had closure, I didn't, but after Galway I now feel I do. I will probably always love her, I do believe when she says she does love me though but she never showed her love for me and the way she treated me..the lack of love, caring and respect I don't want that in my life..I know I don't. I have my closure now and I'm going to start living my life and not wallow in self pity. I'm going to join the gym and start going out with my friends, also I'm going to go to counselling because as much as I'm sure its over I love her more than anything. I need to work through with them and move on....if its got to be its up to me

Very, very well done, you:)

going mad

Hi all, OP here again.
Basically since breaking up i went to counselling and it has helped alot. On one of those sessions my ex did come as the counsellor felt it would be good for me to get clear messages instead of the mixed messages i was getting previously. To be honest it helped alot an felt my ex finally understood how hard it was for me. the counsellor made sure that all messages were clear. My ex told me she does not love me anymore an wanted her freedom. Hearing this was tough but hearing the truth also helped me deal wit it. I realised that the only reason the relationship lasted so long was the effort i put into the relationship, putting in 80% of the work. I was 200% committed whereas she had one foot out of the relationship all the time. I know that the relationship has run its course, an can see all the reasons why it wasn't to be..the way she treated me, the lack of effort etc. I did see this when we were going out but i was always hoping for a return to the days of 50:50 60:40 an i loved her. I still do but know i need time to fall outta love.

Two weeks was the longest we never talked since we started goin out in 2005, we did not talk for three weeks since the counsellor session where she came. I missed her so much an wanted to know how she was, how she was feeling, how she was doing. She didn't want to talk but she texted a bit. I asked her was she with anyone an she said she was. It was like a nail in the heart. I rang her then an we talked but within a couple of minutes into the talk i realised why i broke up wit her..the way she spoke with total lack of respect for me. Prior to hearing she was with someone else when i was out i had no interest in other women. Suddenly after hearing it all girls came on the radar. Have been wit a few since. Im not goin to start a relationship for a long while until i feel ready because i want to be single for a while and work on my self confidence an stuff. I haven't spoken to her now in 7 weeks and i have no intention of.

last nite though i heard it that she is seeing a guy..the guy that kissed her back in Feb that she said she didn't know but was on her course. But i found out that a guy from home that she hung around wit was good friends wit him so leads me to believe she did know him but lied. We didn't break up until May an there was only a week left of college for her an she moved home then. I had pin pointed previously that that was the time she started pushing me away an put no effort into the relationship. Before we broke up she was like i love you, i can see myself spending the rest of my life wit you but i want space now. I said at the time id give her space but we stay wit relationship boundaries as in no one else. She said that's not space. Thinking back now its like she was saying i want to see is there anything wit this guy, if there's not ill be back to you, if there is then sorry mate the space has done me good an i don't want to be wit you. I know we are over an i need to move on, but it feels like all the answers she gave me were lies. That this guy turned her head an that was the reason which eventually led to us breaking up.

It leads me to believe everything she told me after the break up was lies bar the falling out of love. The its to be free an no worries but the not having any interest in anyone else or been wit anyone. It feels like she took me for a mug an i feel angry an hurt. It all seems to coincidental for her to be now seeing this fella. I have important exams coming up an really need to concentrate on them but i just feel hurt by all this recent news. I know she was goin to start seeing people etc which i accepted an would have no problem now but with this one fella its a kick in the stones. I feel stupid for believing her reasons why she didn't want a relationship. Im trying to get this out of my head for next three weeks. Am i stupid for feeling a new sense of hurt?

ShaShaBear

I'm not sure I got this right, but it seems that after counselling and not talking to her for two weeks, you gave in and contacted her, asking things that you knew you didn't want the answer to and putting pressure on her to communicate with you. And now, after 7 weeks of no contact, it sounds like you are going to do the same thing again.

Don't.

I had an almost identical relationship to this with my last ex. In fact, the only actual difference at all is that I'm a girl, he's a boy and I don't "know" of him kissing anyone else. We had a full-on relationship for almost three years while in our late teens and early 20s which included living together and the "marriage/family" talks. When I was made redundant from a well-paying job and had to go on the dole, he quickly showed his true colours. At first I took his sighs and mumbles and complaints as a young man who had gone from high living to having to budget. I was severely depressed sitting home alone with no family or friends close by to talk to and he got progressively worse, refusing to take me out with him or let me buy things for myself because he felt I didn't earn it. I was made feel worse and worse and it got to the point that we weren't even in a relationship but I was the only one who didn't know. After a blow-up, I had enough and moved back with my mother. Three long years I dated, and got on with my life, and out of the blue he contacted me just over a year ago.

We met up on friendly terms and after a long night of talking, he essentially told me exactly what I wanted to hear - that he missed me terribly, and that his immaturity got in the way of him understanding sacrifices and commitments. We got back together and for about two months, things were paradise. He did everything for me, took me out, showed me off, treated me at every opportunity. And then, all of a sudden, things got worse again. Slowly the digs started, I wasn't invited out any more, he was going out to meet new people and a lot of pictures circulated of him with a girl in particular that completely shot my self confidence.

A week before my father's anniversary mass, he broke up with me via text. Told me he loved me deeply, but he wasn't in a giving place any more and wasn't happy. In desperation, I tried to find out what was making him unhappy, said we should discuss it in person and we might be able to work through it. He completely cut me off for four days, and eventually I got so annoyed I demanded my things back (he had some expensive things of mine). When he heard, months later, that I had started seeing someone, he was down at my door with my stuff, looking to talk in the hopes of salvaging a relationship. I was wise to it, and he didn't get the time of day.

I'm now engaged to an amazing man who shows the utmost of respect and love for me at every given opportunity, and my ex continues to attempt to get in touch, which I am ignoring.



Why share my story? In the hopes that you'll see it from your outside point of view and realise how much undeserved crap I put up with, and realise you were, and still are, doing the exact same thing. She doesn't want to be with you, and in seeing someone else you are going to affect her relationship with him as I highly doubt he wants to see obsessive messages from an ex when he is spending time with her. It is hard, and it is good that you are aware that your feelings are not something to be taking into a new relationship - but do not give into the temptation to contact her again to have it out with yet more things that have come to light. It will be your destruction, and could seriously affect her life too.

going mad

No i don't want to talk to her ever again, just finding out the guy she is seeing is the guy she said kissed her but didn't know him back in march hurt so much because everything she told me since seems to be a lie. An she started seeing him roughly the week after we broke up. Obviously i know now she was out of the relationship before that but i never thought she was that type of person an i trusted her 100%. She even said that sort of thing disgusts her. I guess it has just peeled off the scab an brought it all back up an the way i thought it was now has a different perspective. I know i need to concentrate on my exams an forget it..it is hard. When you find out something like that you question everything an ask was there any of it real!

ShaShaBear

going mad wrote: »

No i don't want to talk to her ever again, just finding out the guy she is seeing is the guy she said kissed her but didn't know him back in march hurt so much because everything she told me since seems to be a lie. An she started seeing him roughly the week after we broke up. Obviously i know now she was out of the relationship before that but i never thought she was that type of person an i trusted her 100%. She even said that sort of thing disgusts her. I guess it has just peeled off the scab an brought it all back up an the way i thought it was now has a different perspective. I know i need to concentrate on my exams an forget it..it is hard. When you find out something like that you question everything an ask was there any of it real!

Believe me, I know. And you can take some solace in the fact that, just because it was merely a week later, doesn't mean she was cheating on you. It was definitely in the pipelines, but that's not to say it was/was not ongoing.
You will wonder what was real and what wasn't, but this is the worst aspect to dwell on. You will convince yourself she lied about things she was actually honest about - which will torment you further, and you will convince yourself that stuff was real that actually wasn't, which would lead to you getting so worked up over it that you try to contact her again.
I advise you delete her number and all texts, call logs, emails etc, delete her from any social networking sites. Get yourself a new sim so that even if you are not tempted to contact her, she can't rock the boat by getting in touch with you. Given how you feel, a friendship would not be healthy, so you are best cutting ties for your own sake.
You sound like a very caring and considerate man, that put her first. You might be thinking now, that she didn't love you, but what you really oughta know is that she didn't love you. You are not the problem here.

Gooner111

Hey OP

Just read through all that. Wow you were intense in that relationship and by the sounds of things your still too consumed by it. I am sorry she wasn't into it but unfortunately things don't always work out. In time you will get over her and move on. It just takes time.

But getting over things will never happen if you keep hearing about what she is up to/checking into it etc. You are only going to keep hurting yourself. Her actions (regardless of who she is seeing) aren't something you should concern yourself with nor do they mean that what you two had was a lie. She probably loved you at one point but eventually that faded and you tried to compensate. Honestly she should have ended things long ago and properly. Instead it has hurt you even more.

Fogetting about her will be very hard but the only thing I can suggest is to concentrate on the good things in your own life. Your course, your friends, family etc. Make sure you don't keep going on about her when with them. Talk about their issues/plans for the future etc. The more things that distract you = the less time thinking about her.

Good luck