OH suffering depression, wont get help

LegacyUser

Hello guys, regular poster, going unreg for this...

My boyfriend of 2 years is going through a really hard time lately. He lost his job about 6 months ago, he works ina trade and struggled to find any more work. He has just given up looking now, isnt even on the dole. He also has a young son from his 1st marraige, who he hasnt seen since Christmas 2011. I thought he was getting low and having some sad says, but he has just told me today he is depressed.

He said he is unable to love me or anything, that he is incapable of love, its just words. He feels everyone would be better off without out him. He said he is a waste of space, he cant see himself being happy everagain. He dosnt want to get out of bed now, or ever.
He feels nothing. just empty. He hates himself and wants to die. and he reckons this will be better for everyone.

Ive just spent the last two hours trying to convince him to talk to someone, anyone. He wont....apperently his mom sees a 'shrink' once a week and is on anti-depressents and this does nothin, so why should he?? He wont talk to me properly, and deffo wont consider talking to a professional.

What can I do. When I said I would go to his sisters and tell them, he would just say I was crazy....

I am in tears here, and so worried.

I love him to pieces, it looks like our relationship is over. But to be honest, all I want is for him to be healthy and safe.

Any advice would be great...

hondasam

reallyworried wrote: »

He said he is unable to love me or anything, that he is incapable of love, its just words. He feels everyone would be better off without out him. He said he is a waste of space, he cant see himself being happy everagain. He dosnt want to get out of bed now, or ever.
He feels nothing. just empty. He hates himself and wants to die. and he reckons this will be better for everyone.

I don't know him or anything about him but from what you have said he sounds like he feels hard done by and it's everyone's fault but his.
This might be harsh but it looks like attention seeking to me if he wanted to get help he would.

lucowell

Went through something similar with an ex, the sad reality is that you cant help somebody who wont help themselves. I tried and tried to get my ex help, but as a result ended up being subjected to domestic abuse. The hardest thing I ever did was walk away from the person I love, if I didn't walk away it would have been me on the brink of suicide not my ex. As selfish as it sounds you have to put the most important person first....and that person is you. If he wants help badly enough, it's up to him to get it, not you.

kunst nugget

hondasam wrote: »

I don't know him or anything about him but from what you have said he sounds like he feels hard done by and it's everyone's fault but his.
This might be harsh but it looks like attention seeking to me if he wanted to get help he would.

He's displaying all the classic signs of depression and you're accusing him of being attention seeking?

OP, is he close to his sisters? If he is, get them involved. There is no point in you shouldering the burden of this by yourself. There will be no magic cure for it but if he is unwillingly to listen to you by yourself, try and get some back up on your side to get him to see that there is help out there for him. Contact Aware or any of the other organizations out there that deal with depression to get advice on what to do to help him. If he says he feels nothing and has had thought of suicide, please don't put that down to attention seeking like the above poster suggested.

Agent J

hondasam wrote: »

This might be harsh but it looks like attention seeking to me if he wanted to get help he would.

Nope. Sorry that is a very common assumption to make & is completely wrong.

If he does start openly talking about sucide/self harm that's major red warning flag.

OP,

Very tough situation to be in. You want to help but aren't trained & are emotionally involved . You don't want to walk away because you care about him.

These are only suggestions and are not intended as medical advice at all.

1) Look after yourself

This may sound odd but priority number one has to be yourself & your own mental health. If you don't have that then you cannot be any help to anyone.
If you cannot deal with with this alone(And thats perfectly reasonable) then don't. Tell him that, you want to help but you can't do it alone.

If you eventually have to walk away for your own self preservation then do it.

2) Easy does it

A direct "Slap some sense" approach will make the situation worse not better.

Tell him this is going to pass. This might feel permanet but it'll pass and if he lets people help it'll pass quicker. There is nothing be ashamed of what he is going through.

Suggestion he see a counsellor. Counsellor does not mean drugs/medication & might be more likely to accede to that than seeing a GP. Though a GP doesnt nesscarily mean drugs/medication either.

If he doesnt like that idea then try to find someone, anyone he'll talk to/trust about it. Remind him that you can't be there for him alone. There are others if he will only let them.

If he is still resisting then i'd be tempteded to involve others any way. So they know to keep an eye on him & take some of the pressure off of you.

3) Other sources

Samartians/Aware/help lines etc.

Get the numbers/Websites of them & give them to him. He won't like it but leave the detail/leaflets anyway. Rather have them and not need them..


There is only so much you can do.

Good luck.