Speeches - before dinner or after???

dunna

:rolleyes:
We've kind of more or less decided to have the speeches before our meal.
Bestmen and groom say they will enjoy their dinner better that way!
Anyone out there have their speeches before their meal and if so what did you do instead after the dinner?
Im looking for something quirky/memorable to do after the dinner seeing as the speeches will be before the meal.
Ps. Ive seen some couples make videos/show some photos on an overhead projector after their meal but that doesn't really appeal to me
Anyone do anything nice at their wedding that they would like to share or any ideas anyone??? (Baring in mind we are trying to keep costs to a minimum!! )

clint_silver

Anyone who has ever given a best man speech will tell you beforehand is the time to do it. The hotel don't like it as if they drag on, the meals are drying out in the kitchen. So if youre going ahead with this, tell everyone theyre on a limit, depending on whos talking, this may be a blessing.

If you really wanted something to happen afterwards, theres several novelty singing waiter acts that are very good. not sure of budget or their cost but wouldnt have said theyed be that much, Ive seen them a couple of times now and I thought they really got the crowd going while the band were setting up.

please dont do the projector thing. never seen it work.

Skuxx

I've been to a couple of weddings where they had the speeches before the meal and I think it's a great idea, people know that the food is waiting so keeps things nice and quick, suits the groom/bestman and the guest!!

John Mason

we had ours before the meal as the fathers wanted to enjoy the dinner.

my dad bought a round of drinks after the meal and we had a toast afterwards.

we had a 15 minute time limit on the speeches, each person got a max of 5 mins.

no-one wants to be sitting for for hours listen to people waffling

amdublin

I hate speeches before the meal. You're absolutely starving and no more in the mood for listening.

Personally I think in between the soup and the main is the best.

haron

definately before the meal as a very recent groom i was delighted to have the speeches over with because then all the worry and stress was finished with it could relax and enjoy the meal. 4 very nice speechs done and dusted in 15 min total.

Sunny Dayz

have only been to one wedding where the speeches were before the meal, my then boyfriend was best man. He said he got to relax and enjoy his dinner after! To be honest I can't remember what was done after the dinner. And he cant either! It may have been the cake cutting. There was certainly an element of "hope the sppeches aren't not long, I'm hungry"while the speeches were going on. But every other wedding ive been to the speeches have been after the meal, all the guests are full and get to sit back and enjoy.

Zaph

We were going to do the speeches before the meal, but have now decided to have them afterwards for a couple of reasons. First, and most importantly, there's a lot of money being spent on a meal and we want to make sure that everyone gets to enjoy it at its best. The other reason is that the speeches are a good way of rounding off the meal and keeping the atmosphere going for a while longer. If the meal just finishes abruptly people tend to be at a bit of a loss as to what to do next and will probably just drift off into the bar.

The other thing worth noting is that a few people have mentioned that having the speeches beforehand will allow those making speeches to enjoy their meal more. However this isn't necessarily the case as it depends on the speakers and how comfortable they are with public speaking. I know having the speech after the meal didn't make much difference to my enjoyment of it the one time I was best man, so it might be worth checking with the speakers before making a final decision on when to have the speeches.

annersinoz

HI, we also plan on doing our speeches before the meal. I think as other posters have said it really depends on the groom/bestman/dad!. I know my fiance hates the whole public speaking thing and if having them before the meal helps him relax and enjoy the meal i would prefer to do that! Although i didn't really think about after. I suppose i would be thinking the band will be ready to go shortly after our meal finishes!

silly

We did our speeches after the starter - but before the soup and main meal.
People had had their starter, so werent starving, had their wine, so werent thirsty.
Afterwards, we just cut the cake I think!

seamus

I was best man for a wedding in Italy where we did a speech between each course which worked out very well. Thing is though, weddings in Italy have about 50 courses, so the break is welcome and kind of apprpriate. From my point of view though it really helped me relax to be able to get up and down and introduce people and so forth.

By contrast at my own wedding we had the speeches after and as calm as I tried to be I just couldn't enjoy my meal (I was especially wary of drinking too much wine! )

I would generally try to go beforehand if you can, get people in a little earlier, and even give them a bit of finger food just before they go in to sit down.

am i bovvered

The only benefit of having speeches beforehand is to accommodate the people making the speeches, generally the guests do not want to listen to the speeches on an empty stomach, much better when they have a full belly and couple of glasses of wine etc
I remember one wedding the speeches beforehand went on for an hour and a half !! In the end guests were openly talking to each other, going for cigerettes, loudly asking the waiting staff how much longer the speeches would be, it was not good.
Unless the speeches are very short or the speeches very nervous I would not recommend it.

lazygal

We had ours before, decided to do them informally during the drinks reception which took the pressure off having to look at a room full of tables. All the lads said they wouldn't enjoy the meal with the speeches hanging over them.

PLEASE keep them short and sweet, one of our speakers went on, despite being told of the five minute limit and no childhood anecdote rules (!) and you could feel the boredom in the room. Its actually cringy watching it on our dvd, he stands out a mile from those who kept things short.

Gatica

Personally I enjoy the speeches after the meal, but have never had to be the one making the speech.
Definitely do not do a video or slideshow of childhood photos. It may entertain your parents and some aunts but will really bore the rest of the guests. Was subjected to that at a boring wedding before, not fun.

sweetie

After the dinner just let your venue clear the way for your band/dj to setup and start on time? I would say i've seen 99% of weddings not go to plan and the band who have been paid to do a full set often have to finish early to let the dj play an hour or so. Guests will be happy to go for a walk, get some air and freshen up before the dancing!
You don't have to provide something to do for every minute of the day. A nice meal with good company in nice surroundings should suffice!

Senna

After is better for the atmosphere and enjoyment of all the guests, but before is better for the speakers.
I usually find the weddings who speak before the meal see the speeches as nuisance and just rush through them to "get them over with", but the people who have them after the meal are normally better talkers and so have better/more entertaining speeches.

A couple i know don't what to do any speeches and are making a 5 minute video of the bride and groom thanking everyone for coming and thanking a few people. I think its a great idea, if you don't want to speak you shouldn't feel obligated.

Toto Wolfcastle

I was all for having them before the meal but if they do end up running over (they probably wont but you never know) and the kitchen is ready to serve the food wont be great and I'm not willing to risk that. I think the main thing is to find out what those who will actually be giving the speeches want to do. Our fathers, best man and the groom are excellent speakers and wont get nervous so they're happy to go with them after the meal.

If you are going to do it before the meal then I wouldn't bother organising anything for after. People don't expect extra entertainment. They'll have the chance to get a drink and have a chat with people. That's all anyone needs.

Sotirios

My preference would be after. Usually the only 'lull' of the day occurs after the meal, as everyone is full.
As this lull is going to happen in any event, it would make sense to me to fill this time with the speeches. By the time the speeches conclude, it should be more or less ready to kick off again.

carolinespring

We had ours before and kept it to a time limit. Just before we went into dinner. Everyone was standing around with a drink in hand and it went down very well. Short and sweek was the order of the day.

We had music playing while dinner was going on and just before dessert Santa arrived (needless to say it was a wedding a couple of days before Christmas) went down a treat with kids and adults.

I would not worry about a lull after dinner, everyone will e glass to get out for a walk or to get some air.

kandr10

I prefer speeches after the meal as you can be left starving waiting for the meal. You can't be guaranteed people will stick to a time limit. My parents were at a wedding were the food came out cold as a result and dessert was completely rushed. I will say though that if you do decide to do them before there's no real need to have any entertainment afterwards. No one will expect it.

Clareman

As someone who spends way too much of his work life being shown PowerPoint presentation I can't stand the whole picture/slideshow thing, well done you can put pictures together.

IMVHO, speeches are traditionally after the meal and I'm all for tradition. The most expensive part of the wedding will be the meal, why put it at risk by having the speeches before hand, normally people will have have had a couple of drinks before the meal and will be ready to have something to eat. I also like the fact that the speeches mark the split between the meal and the "party".

copacetic

Although it may appear to help the speakers enjoy the meal, it's not the best of ideas to have them before hand as you have a pretty sober hungry crowd.

Speaking after the meal to a full, slightly boozed up crowd makes for a much easier and relaxed enthusiastic audience. It's also what people are mostly used to.

I'd agree with the above also, forget the PowerPoint or video or props, everyone has seen it before. Put more effort into honing and practising a good speech. IMO practising it and being careful not to rush through it when you stand up is the key. Either way everyone will tell you it was great anyway, no easier audience.

The Davestator

Getting married in September and have the same issue. My thinking on it at the moment are;

Few speeches before dinner (for the nervouse speakers)

Dinner

Few speeches after dinner (for the confident speakers)

Anyone see a hole in my masterplan?!

pumpit2010

the davestator might be onto something, splitting htem may be a good idea

Been best man twice with speeches afterwards, ate very little of the meal first time and was starving afterwards, ate more the second time but still wasn't able to relax and enjoy it.

Beforehand Pro's: people making the speeches can enjoy their meal
Con's: timelimit does need to be put on it as don't want expensive meals drying out in the kitchen, hotel need to be kept in loop.Timelimit may not allow for fair betting on the length for the speeches at each table.

People may have had something to eat when they arrrived at reception so may not be starving.

Been at wedding's with speeches before meal and don't remember a lull after the meal. People retire to the bar while room is being cleaned/tables moved etc and band setting up. Others like to take the opportunity to stretch their legs, go up to room if staying in hotel and freshen up.

After meal: Pro's people will have had a few more drinks and will be more inclined to laugh along (although this is debatable)

kandr10

The Davestator wrote: »

Getting married in September and have the same issue. My thinking on it at the moment are;

Few speeches before dinner (for the nervouse speakers)

Dinner

Few speeches after dinner (for the confident speakers)

Anyone see a hole in my masterplan?!

I was at a Polish wedding and this is more or less what they did except anyone could stand up through the course of the meal and propose a toast. Great fun!

eyescreamcone

Was at a wedding where the speeches were before the dinner.
The dinner was ruined.
The only thing I remember about the wedding was that the dinner was crap.
I can't remember any of the speeches!!!

prettygurrly

well if you tell the hotel what your schedule is then they shouldn't ruin the food. i was a server in a hotel for a long time and any decent chef will make sure not to dry out the food. Sounds like the food would have been ruined anyway even if the speeches had been after.

Speeches before or after is a hard one to call but I think if it was me I'd have them after. You're talking about a few people not enjoying their meal because they have to speak in a bit but happy that your entire wedding are starving while waiting for the speeches to end and not really listening because they are thinking about their stomachs which haven't had any food since early morning....

Having speeches in the middle of the meal is very annoying for service so if you care how your staff feel then don't do it!! I think the majority of weddings I worked at had the speeches at dessert time when people were relaxed and full and happy to laugh at silly jokes. Don't have the same warm fuzzy feeling about pre dinner speeches...

nkay1985

I agree with the overriding theme here that speeches are better done after the meal. Having them before is only for the speakers' benefit.

It all depends on how nervous the speakers are to be honest. We had ours after and I knew it wouldn't be a problem as neither I, my brother or father have any problem with speaking in public. My father-in-law has also given lots of presentations so I don't think it bothered him either.

Strangely though, my wife couldn't relax the longer the meal went on. She wasn't due to speak but was nervous about them for some reason!

There's a reason they're done after the meal IMO so, unless your speakers are particularly nervous - as in shaking out at the thought of it - I'd stick with after. Plus, they'll have a couple of drinks during dinner which may help them relax a little.

kandr10

prettygurrly wrote: »

well if you tell the hotel what your schedule is then they shouldn't ruin the food. i was a server in a hotel for a long time and any decent chef will make sure not to dry out the food. Sounds like the food would have been ruined anyway even if the speeches had been after.

That's fair. If the hotel are interested in doing a good job they would surely do that either way. Only thing is, it must be awkward to time not knowing exactly when the speeches will end. Even with the best of intentions I'm sure you always get people going over.