Sleeping around

LegacyUser

I broke up with a guy almost 3 years ago. For over 2 years I didnt look at another guy. Then I met someone who blew the socks off me, but it didnt work out. He didnt want it to go anywhere. And I was and still am pretty devastated. But Ive been doing awful things with guys lately. Some married, some have girlfriends, work colleagues. You name it, Im screwing it (sorry if that sounds awful). Im just sleeping with these guys for sex. Casual sex. Am starting to see myself as a shadow of my normal former self.

Think Ive got some serious self esteem issues. And I want to sort it out. Am mortified by my behaviour. Im going to see a councellor in a few weeks. I cant seem to stop myself at the moment and now terrified am going to get a reputation. Ive turned into a horrible maneater. Has anyone ever gone throught something like this before? How did you sort it out?

I dont know what to do and am pure devastated for myself.

Piliger

Hi OP. I don't have specific advice and think that casual advice here is not really going to help. I think the counselling will help however and I think that you already have a good handle on the reasons why you are acting like you are.
Casual sex is a powerful validation when we are feeling worthless. But it's ultimately totally unsatisfying. It just feeds the need like a short term drug imho, leaving us empty.

I really wish you all the best.

ihsb

OP I am so sorry to hear you have been having a bad time.

You have effectively been through another break up and after going cold-turkey after the last one you have swung the other way after this one. It is easy to happen. I have been tempted but thankfully I haven't. This is just my opinion, but I honestly don't think I would feel happy in myself if I was to sleep around.

You said that you have self-esteem issues? Well no random man is going to fix this. In fact, no man is going to be able to fix this. Only you can. But maybe not sleeping with anyone while you are trying to help yourself might help?

Obviously you are going the right way with the Councillor so I wish you all the luck with that!

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

Piliger

ihsb wrote: »

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

OP ... write that down and read it every day.

indough

its pop psychology nonsense though to be fair

OP there isnt anything inherently wrong with sleeping around but if its making you feel bad then its just not right for you. you are seeking out help with the counselling though and im sure it will work wonders for you. jut dont feel too bad about whats happened as breakups are never easy

Wompa1

A lot of people seem to say they sleep around because of low self esteem. What if it's just because you just want no strings fun?

If you are screwing anything and anyone then that's pretty bad alright. Do you drink every time you sleep with these people? If so, cut back on the boozing. Solved.

davet82

just dont shít on your own doorstep imo. if you are unhappy you can change it but if you feel you cant (nothing wrong with doing the business btw) just dont do it with people you work with or people in relationships anyways this will fizzle out i reckon as your post is suggesting already. try a date for a change and not a one nighter

LegacyUser

Am just mortified by my behaviour.
This week at work has been horrible. Avoiding guys Ive slept with and people who know. Its awful. Yes, lesson well learned now. I cant cope with the anxiety.
I spoke to my sister about it all and she said that while Im doing nothing wrong (am single) obviously something isnt sitting well with me. I think it is the consequences of it all. I know a few people at work know what I have done, and am terrified other people will find out, and I will be known for it-Ive dug the hole and know am going to get buried. Am normally the complete opposite of all this. In my 20s I was always in a relationship. Its like something has been switched on and I cant switch it off. I havent met anyone I want a relationship with, bar the guy who blew the socks off me and didnt want anything. Since then, its like ive said "to hell with it all" and gone on a man rampage. While it doesnt feel wrong sleeping with these guys, it does feel wrong that I work with some of them. I truely wish I hadnt now and I have to live with the consequences.

Piliger

OP - what matters is where you are now. Have you learned from this mess ? Do you feel stronger ? Can you move on now and get a grip on your life ?

If you can, then the rest of it will take care of itself. It's not the end of the world. Some people will be judgemental and it's all a bit embarrassing. But what matters is what is in your mind, not theirs. Everyone has embarrassing crap in their closet. Believe me it'll blow over in a bit of time.

Best of luck.