Drugs intervention question - advice please

cranberryjuice

Apologies if this is posted in the wrong place. Please remove or move if necessary. I just need some info please.

We have just discovered a close family member is using illegal drugs and the situation they are getting themselves into is a life-threatening one. They are in their thirties, and will not seek help voluntarily. We care very much for this person's welfare.

Would I be right in thinking that the help out there is only available if they volunteer themselves into rehab services? I have read about family intervention services, but as I understand it this is still undertaken on a voluntary basis by the user. Am I correct on this matter? The reason being is that I know the person will refuse treatment, is in total denial and that an intervention has a high chance of turning violent.

I would be grateful for any advice.

Mickey Dazzler

I would be very careful when considering a family intervention. I know of a number of people who went through that and felt very bitter afterwards. Also allot of so called drug councillors out there are completely unqualified to do this sort of thing, however will assure that they know what they are doing, but when it all goes wrong they will shrug their shoulders and leave you to deal with the aftermath. Also if children are encouraged/forced to take part and say confrontational things this can lead to serious resentment for all those involved further down the line.

As someone with experience with dealing with this sort of thing, I'm afraid the only thing I could recommend is trying to get through the person on a 1 to 1 basis. Unfortunately if they do not want to listen or do not want to stop their addictive behaviours there is often little you can do.

I know is a cliché but a person can only get better if they want to get better themselves.

cranberryjuice

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

I would be very careful when considering a family intervention. I know of a number of people who went through that and felt very bitter afterwards. Also allot of so called drug councillors out there are completely unqualified to do this sort of thing, however will assure that they know what they are doing, but when it all goes wrong they will shrug their shoulders and leave you to deal with the aftermath. Also if children are encouraged/forced to take part and say confrontational things this can lead to serious resentment for all those involved further down the line.

As someone with experience with dealing with this sort of thing, I'm afraid the only thing I could recommend is trying to get through the person on a 1 to 1 basis. Unfortunately if they do not want to listen or do not want to stop their addictive behaviours there is often little you can do.

I know is a cliché but a person can only get better if they want to get better themselves.

Thank you, advice like this is exactly what I'm looking for. I have no experience of this whatsoever, in fact the nearest up to this point would be Dr. Phil - I'm clueless! But the last thing I want to do is make an awful situation worse. I had been wondering if a family intervention might even drive him over the edge altogether, but trying to balance that with looking at a life that is on a cliff-edge anyway, I honestly don't know how to proceed.

One-to-one talking we can definitely try that, though it will probably end up in him walking away.

Since some of his behaviour is illegal, what would the effect be of him being reported for something? As it is, he is both a danger to himself and potentially to others as he is prone to violence when on drugs. Would there likely be a higher chance of a positive outcome if he was forced to confront his issues through the law?

edellc

Dont go reporting him to the guards just yet, a criminal record is for life, drugs may not be.

Firstly find out what drugs are being taken, you say you are clueless then clue yourself in, google the effects of the drugs being used...not making light of it but there are soft and hard drugs and if he is on the soft drugs thats a plus but the hard ones - heroine, coke, crack etc well then you have an issue

also is he just using or is he dealing, even just getting the odd score for his mates? as if it is his mates getting for him thats a plus whereas if he is going to the dealer to score then the chances of him getting other stuff is higher

If your going to sit yourself down one on one then have leaflets, know the effects that the particular drugs have on people even the soft ones, people see estacy as a soft one but it has killed people in the past, the only one that no one dies from is cannabis but they can go a bit mad

Forget Dr Phil he doesnt live in the real world, ring a drug treatment clinic and they will send out the leaflets to you

but remember the reality is no on can be helped unless they want to be and if this person is in denial then they obviously dont think they have a problem, also drink and drugs are a dangerous combo and most who do drugs drink also and dont see it as a problem if this person has an addictive personality it may not be just drugs you need to worry about, and alcohol can turn someone who is normally very nice into the devil himself

best of luck OP, peace and love x

cranberryjuice

edellc wrote: »

Dont go reporting him to the guards just yet, a criminal record is for life, drugs may not be.

Firstly find out what drugs are being taken, you say you are clueless then clue yourself in, google the effects of the drugs being used...not making light of it but there are soft and hard drugs and if he is on the soft drugs thats a plus but the hard ones - heroine, coke, crack etc well then you have an issue

also is he just using or is he dealing, even just getting the odd score for his mates? as if it is his mates getting for him thats a plus whereas if he is going to the dealer to score then the chances of him getting other stuff is higher

but remember the reality is no on can be helped unless they want to be and if this person is in denial then they obviously dont think they have a problem, also drink and drugs are a dangerous combo and most who do drugs drink also and dont see it as a problem if this person has an addictive personality it may not be just drugs you need to worry about, and alcohol can turn someone who is normally very nice into the devil himself

Thank you. We believe he's on cocaine, and alongside this he's a very heavy drinker. I would definitely say he has an addictive personality - most definitely, but in reply to your question, we don't think he is dealing.

As regards criminal activity, just to clarify, there would be drink and drug-driving, and we have now just found out he goes to brothels. He would be violent when drunk or on something, and when under the influence he has had massive rows with his parents - as yet they have not turned violent, but this is the sort of situation where I am afraid for them, because his personality changes so dramatically when he is under the influence. He becomes aggressive and argumentative. His violence so far has been with other people in pubs, but I'm honestly afraid for his parents.

His parents are not the best communicators, which makes me more hesitant about how successful a family intervention would be. They are very good at brushing things under the carpet, ignoring the elephant in the room. At the moment, he lives at home with them, they know he has a drink problem, is aggressive when drunk, but are not aware of the rest. If they found out, he would probably get thrown out of the home.

edellc

How old is this person as it seem (maybe im wrong) that he isnt a teenager nor is he in his twenties so therefore he is an adult and if you are scared for his parents then I am assuming they are old so would be vulnerable

either way yes the drugs are not helping with his aggression but the drink is probably the primary culprit. As for the drink/drug driving the guards can only do something if they catch him in the act so unless you plan on following him around and ringing them to report him when he is in his car I cant really see how they can really help

I wouldnt usually say this but maybe him getting kicked out would be the best for all, parents are safe and he hits rock bottom and can either lie in the gutter and die or get help but most addicts will do the former unless they have someone holding their hand

If the parents are like you say they are then is their anyway that you could sit down with him as you seem to know a lot about this situation, and maybe try get him into AA ( I know your going on about the drugs but alcohol is what will kill him if he lets it and it is probably whats making him so aggressive obviously the coke doesnt help and will make him think he is invincible)

Again though unless he can admit he has a problem and wants help then there really is nothing you can do, so try the conversation with him first if it doesnt work then maybe a reality check and a few nights on the street might

JimmyCrackCorn

I have lost count at this stage of the amount of interventions iv been involved in with one of my family members. My advice is to contact and get involved in Alanon or similar program so you understand what your getting yourself into. There is so much emotion it clouds things.

You will need support as its not an easy thing to do and to take whatever the next step will be.

I wish you the best and hope it all works out for you.

cranberryjuice

edellc wrote: »

How old is this person as it seem (maybe im wrong) that he isnt a teenager nor is he in his twenties so therefore he is an adult and if you are scared for his parents then I am assuming they are old so would be vulnerable

either way yes the drugs are not helping with his aggression but the drink is probably the primary culprit. As for the drink/drug driving the guards can only do something if they catch him in the act so unless you plan on following him around and ringing them to report him when he is in his car I cant really see how they can really help

I wouldnt usually say this but maybe him getting kicked out would be the best for all, parents are safe and he hits rock bottom and can either lie in the gutter and die or get help but most addicts will do the former unless they have someone holding their hand

If the parents are like you say they are then is their anyway that you could sit down with him as you seem to know a lot about this situation, and maybe try get him into AA ( I know your going on about the drugs but alcohol is what will kill him if he lets it and it is probably whats making him so aggressive obviously the coke doesnt help and will make him think he is invincible)

Again though unless he can admit he has a problem and wants help then there really is nothing you can do, so try the conversation with him first if it doesnt work then maybe a reality check and a few nights on the street might

Thanks. He's in his thirties, and would have been a heavy drinker since he was old enough to drink. And yes, to get him reported to the guards would involve a lot of following him round, figuring out what his plans are, etc, etc. I don't go out in his area at all so it would be an effort to go down this route, but at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe now I have knowledge of some of the things he's doing, that gives me a responsibility to act before he hurts someone. If I heard he'd hurt someone in a car accident or worse, God forbid, or attacked his parents... I would feel responsible in a way if I do nothing.

As for getting kicked out of his home, that would be a start as it would limit the funds he has available for drink and drugs, but his parents are so in denial and so bad at communicating that even though there is a blow-up every weekend when he comes home, it's all back to "normality" for the rest of the week.

Thanks again for advice.

cranberryjuice

JimmyCrackCorn wrote: »

I have lost count at this stage of the amount of interventions iv been involved in with one of my family members. My advice is to contact and get involved in Alanon or similar program so you understand what your getting yourself into. There is so much emotion it clouds things.

You will need support as its not an easy thing to do and to take whatever the next step will be.

I wish you the best and hope it all works out for you.

Thankyou so much. I remember I contacted AA a few years ago when we thought it was just drinking, but again they said if he wouldn't go voluntarily then there was nothing that could be done. I'm so naive, I wish someone could come and take him away to a rehab place and fix him and bring him back fixed. But his problems are personality issues too, deeply entrenched, that I doubt he has ever vocalised to anyone, maybe not even to himself. I tried talking to him a few years ago, but felt I was just scratching the surface. He wasn't letting me in, but it was as if he couldn't go deeper into himself either. There was a major block if that makes sense, and yet something is obviously bothering him because he is engaged in self-destructive beahviour and when he gets drunk, all this pent up bitterness comes out.

LegacyUser

cranberryjuice wrote: »

Thankyou so much. I remember I contacted AA a few years ago when we thought it was just drinking, but again they said if he wouldn't go voluntarily then there was nothing that could be done. I'm so naive, I wish someone could come and take him away to a rehab place and fix him and bring him back fixed. But his problems are personality issues too, deeply entrenched, that I doubt he has ever vocalised to anyone, maybe not even to himself. I tried talking to him a few years ago, but felt I was just scratching the surface. He wasn't letting me in, but it was as if he couldn't go deeper into himself either. There was a major block if that makes sense, and yet something is obviously bothering him because he is engaged in self-destructive beahviour and when he gets drunk, all this pent up bitterness comes out.

Easier said than done my dear. I work in a rehab and if people think they can send someone off to a place for 30 days and cure something that has been a problem for many years are delusional. Combatting addictions is probably one of the most difficult things to do. Only 1% come out of rehab and never take or drink a substance again. 7/10 that finish rehab have slips and relapses before they eventually become entirely clean and sober. And the other two end up dead from an overdose or from an addiction related disease. And there are the lucky ones who just wake up one morning and stop. No therapy, help or rehab just were sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As far as this relative's aggressive behaviour that is unpredictable, encourage his parents to call the guards when this happens. If he is at home being verbally abusive and scaring his parents, then I see nothing wrong with them calling. If the guards are called then maybe he may put himself in a situation where he has to do something about it. Him living at home is enabling this sort of behaviour. Why would he have to change if he has a roof over his head and food to eat whenever he is hungry? If there is one thing I tell parents, if their son becomes verbally aggressive to the point where you would think he would become violent; act. Don't sit around and hope for the best. People have been hospitalised because of a relative's coke rage (cocaine can make someone violent as well) or drunkeness.

Also consider the fact that he is drinking and taking cocaine which can be a recipe for disaster. You don't know what other drugs he may be adding to this cocktail.

As this is overwhelming for you and I am certain his parents. The only way I see fit at this stage is the parents to tell him (when he is not drunk) that he has to do something about it or he is no longer welcome to live in the home. That they can no longer watch their son "killing himself". Sometimes this can be an eye opener. But the parents have to stick with this. Not say something one minute and change their mind the next. Sometimes family members and loved ones don't realise that they are the biggest enablers when it comes to their children's addiction. Also the addict doesn't realise the pain and suffering that they are causing to their families. It is not about taking the tough love approach. It is being firm and consistent with boundaries because the more the individual addict can see that they cannot get away from their behaviour the more they are apt to doing something about it.

As far as interventionists are concerned avoid them like the plague. They are money hungry baxtards who feed off the weak and vulnerable. They make money from families as well as a hefty commission from the rehabs that they refer people to. If you want to look for outside help, you are better off contacting www.drugs.ie and ask them where to start. It is true with AA that he has to be a willing participant which is not any different than him wanting to go to a rehab UNLESS it is court ordered.

cranberryjuice

fhfdonvsgf wrote: »

Easier said than done my dear. I work in a rehab and if people think they can send someone off to a place for 30 days and cure something that has been a problem for many years are delusional. Combatting addictions is probably one of the most difficult things to do. Only 1% come out of rehab and never take or drink a substance again. 7/10 that finish rehab have slips and relapses before they eventually become entirely clean and sober. And the other two end up dead from an overdose or from an addiction related disease. And there are the lucky ones who just wake up one morning and stop. No therapy, help or rehab just were sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As far as this relative's aggressive behaviour that is unpredictable, encourage his parents to call the guards when this happens. If he is at home being verbally abusive and scaring his parents, then I see nothing wrong with them calling. If the guards are called then maybe he may put himself in a situation where he has to do something about it. Him living at home is enabling this sort of behaviour. Why would he have to change if he has a roof over his head and food to eat whenever he is hungry? If there is one thing I tell parents, if their son becomes verbally aggressive to the point where you would think he would become violent; act. Don't sit around and hope for the best. People have been hospitalised because of a relative's coke rage (cocaine can make someone violent as well) or drunkeness.

Also consider the fact that he is drinking and taking cocaine which can be a recipe for disaster. You don't know what other drugs he may be adding to this cocktail.

As this is overwhelming for you and I am certain his parents. The only way I see fit at this stage is the parents to tell him (when he is not drunk) that he has to do something about it or he is no longer welcome to live in the home. That they can no longer watch their son "killing himself". Sometimes this can be an eye opener. But the parents have to stick with this. Not say something one minute and change their mind the next. Sometimes family members and loved ones don't realise that they are the biggest enablers when it comes to their children's addiction. Also the addict doesn't realise the pain and suffering that they are causing to their families. It is not about taking the tough love approach. It is being firm and consistent with boundaries because the more the individual addict can see that they cannot get away from their behaviour the more they are apt to doing something about it.

Thank you, you don't know how appreciated your advice is, I'm going into this so blindly. I have been afraid that the violence will one day be against his parents, with fatal consequences, I know it's not unheard of.

I think one of the bigger issues too is the parents' inability to communicate well with him. Sunday night, ferocious rage and blow-up, Monday night, "dinner's in the oven for you dear". During the week, they cling to this false "normality" where they can pretend that the weekends don't happen.

It is only us at the moment that know he is on drugs, not the parents, though they may have their suspicions. I have been looking at the resources on the drugs.ie website, thanks, but I'm afraid that if this is brought to a head with some kind of confrontation, he will end up killing himself or someone else in a rage. I would be seen as responsible then for initiating the action. But he is equally on a course for death at the moment, without my interference.

sambuka41

cranberryjuice wrote: »

I don't go out in his area at all so it would be an effort to go down this route, but at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe now I have knowledge of some of the things he's doing, that gives me a responsibility to act before he hurts someone. If I heard he'd hurt someone in a car accident or worse, God forbid, or attacked his parents... I would feel responsible in a way if I do nothing.

cranberryjuice wrote: »

It is only us at the moment that know he is on drugs, not the parents, though they may have their suspicions. I have been looking at the resources on the drugs.ie website, thanks, but I'm afraid that if this is brought to a head with some kind of confrontation, he will end up killing himself or someone else in a rage. I would be seen as responsible then for initiating the action. But he is equally on a course for death at the moment, without my interference.

One of the most important things to remember when dealing with an addict (or anyone really) is what is my stuff and what it theirs. To be clear, what are you responsible for and what are you not. An addict will AVOID responsibility like the plague, and will happily let others feel the burden for their actions.

Making them face the consequences of their actions, and face responsibility can go a few ways, some will go further into addiction, some may come out of it but ultimately that will be down to them. You have to do what is honest for you.

I would be very surprised if his parents don't know he is on drugs, but maybe it would help to call it like it is, tell them out straight and let them face their consequences of their decisions. Unfortunately they are facilitating this behaviour, and maybe that's because they don't know what else to do, or maybe it suits them, satisfies some need in them to have the drama/ chaos.

A family will center around the addicted person, you just have to decide how much you can enter into that, you will get sucked in very easily so be careful and always remind yourself of the 'what is mine and what is NOT mine' If this person kills someone with drink driving that is THEIR responsibility, it would be different if he left your company pissed and you do nothing about it, maybe then morally you'll feel responsible. But just having the knowledge that he does this on occasion is not enough for you to realistically do anything about it, other than speak with him.

Also if he did take his life, and of course that's not what you or anyone else wants to happen, but that will be HIS choice, if by being honest with him he goes further into addiction there is nothing you can do about that. It's hard but its not your fault or responsibility to keep him sober or safe, its his own. And at the moment he doesn't value himself very highly to be sure to take care of himself, that may change.

Best of luck, and check in with Alanon, to help yourself, addictions are pervasive and incredibly difficult to manage.

LegacyUser

There is good advice here.

Personally my family and I are also in the maelstrom of an addicted family member.

I would suggest finding a good psychologist or psychiatrist (addiction specialist), discussing with them, including your parents, how to proceed. These people are experts, I can't stress how important it is to hear what they have to say.

Information, knowledge and understanding is crucial in dealing with the problem.

Any contact or talk with this guy should be calm and gentle - leave emotions aside, because it can cause or inflame rage/anger/blame/bitterness which is truly the domain of an addict. Try not to trigger any attacks or episodes but if one happens they should, as another poster said, be prepared to call the police, ambulance or hospital without hesitation.

How old are the parents? they need a support network asap, this thing can crush and split families and destroy lives.

LegacyUser

I feel sorry for you cos this is hard. I've been there. An intervention might not work, I don't see their point, it probably only makes the user feel more ashamed. I told my parents about how bad my brother got, they knew he had a problem but not to the extent it was at. My mother went to see him and she broke down in front of him. Thats what made him go clean and to rehab. I do believe this family member needs to see the person he would be closest to, family wise and let them talk to him.

There is usually a deeper issue that drives the person to the drugs, usually something serious that the user cannot cope with, something absolutely hideous in their eyes. This family member that gets violent is not taking them for enjoyment if thats how he ends up, its usually escapism but the drugs make the self loathing worse. Getting the family member in to rehab is only one hurdle, getting them to talk about their issues is another but that will be in the councilors hands. Like it was said in a previous post, a lot of these councilors are unsuccessful.

My brother went in to the rutland centre, http://www.rutlandcentre.ie/ however, if this family member doesn't have a medical card then you can expect to pay (cost us in excess of 15K, that was few years ago now, before he walked in the door). It hasn't been as successful as we had hoped.

cranberryjuice

sambuka41 wrote: »

One of the most important things to remember when dealing with an addict (or anyone really) is what is my stuff and what it theirs. To be clear, what are you responsible for and what are you not. An addict will AVOID responsibility like the plague, and will happily let others feel the burden for their actions.

Making them face the consequences of their actions, and face responsibility can go a few ways, some will go further into addiction, some may come out of it but ultimately that will be down to them. You have to do what is honest for you.

I would be very surprised if his parents don't know he is on drugs, but maybe it would help to call it like it is, tell them out straight and let them face their consequences of their decisions. Unfortunately they are facilitating this behaviour, and maybe that's because they don't know what else to do, or maybe it suits them, satisfies some need in them to have the drama/ chaos.

A family will center around the addicted person, you just have to decide how much you can enter into that, you will get sucked in very easily so be careful and always remind yourself of the 'what is mine and what is NOT mine' If this person kills someone with drink driving that is THEIR responsibility, it would be different if he left your company pissed and you do nothing about it, maybe then morally you'll feel responsible. But just having the knowledge that he does this on occasion is not enough for you to realistically do anything about it, other than speak with him.

Also if he did take his life, and of course that's not what you or anyone else wants to happen, but that will be HIS choice, if by being honest with him he goes further into addiction there is nothing you can do about that. It's hard but its not your fault or responsibility to keep him sober or safe, its his own. And at the moment he doesn't value himself very highly to be sure to take care of himself, that may change.

Best of luck, and check in with Alanon, to help yourself, addictions are pervasive and incredibly difficult to manage.

Thank you, we are currently making plans to talk to all family members so everybody is on the same page as it were and knows everything that is going on. It's like in one way, I desperately want to do something to stop it - everyone that knows him is saying he needs help and looking to the family as in, what are you going to do about it - and in another way, it's scary, because we do not know what kind of domino effect will be created from confronting this head-on. It has been left stewing for so many years with nothing done about it, it's just frightening, but thanks for the reassuring clarification that the consequences are his responsibility. I needed to hear that.

cranberryjuice

johanssen1 wrote: »

There is good advice here.

Personally my family and I are also in the maelstrom of an addicted family member.

I would suggest finding a good psychologist or psychiatrist (addiction specialist), discussing with them, including your parents, how to proceed. These people are experts, I can't stress how important it is to hear what they have to say.

Information, knowledge and understanding is crucial in dealing with the problem.

Any contact or talk with this guy should be calm and gentle - leave emotions aside, because it can cause or inflame rage/anger/blame/bitterness which is truly the domain of an addict. Try not to trigger any attacks or episodes but if one happens they should, as another poster said, be prepared to call the police, ambulance or hospital without hesitation.

How old are the parents? they need a support network asap, this thing can crush and split families and destroy lives.

Yes, the parents are at their wits' end, that's without them even being able to talk about it, it's just visible on their faces that they are worn down with this, and this is with them thinking that only alcohol is involved. Finding out the rest will completely showck them. They would be mid-sixties now. But they are such bad communicators that they too need to learn to express themselves better about this. It's going to be like opening a festering sore and all that will come out is pain. Their chosen route, as I said, is ignoring the problem for the whole week until it erupts over the weekends. The more I think about it, maybe they don't want to face it head on, because it will be so very difficult for them. Maybe they would rather live in this pretense, and if so, maybe I should not confront them with the whole truth. The reality they can deal with is perhaps this regukar weekend abuse, maybe getting to the root of the problem and trying to save their son is a reality they can't deal with. I personally have learned things from their inaction as regards how I intend to parent my older children because in some ways, I feel like they've given up on him. They've let a situation get horribly out of hand, through lack of communication and lack of knowledge I suppose, and now they perhaps feel it's gone too far to save.

cranberryjuice

aassdddfff wrote: »

I feel sorry for you cos this is hard. I've been there. An intervention might not work, I don't see their point, it probably only makes the user feel more ashamed. I told my parents about how bad my brother got, they knew he had a problem but not to the extent it was at. My mother went to see him and she broke down in front of him. Thats what made him go clean and to rehab. I do believe this family member needs to see the person he would be closest to, family wise and let them talk to him.

There is usually a deeper issue that drives the person to the drugs, usually something serious that the user cannot cope with, something absolutely hideous in their eyes. This family member that gets violent is not taking them for enjoyment if thats how he ends up, its usually escapism but the drugs make the self loathing worse. Getting the family member in to rehab is only one hurdle, getting them to talk about their issues is another but that will be in the councilors hands. Like it was said in a previous post, a lot of these councilors are unsuccessful.

My brother went in to the rutland centre, http://www.rutlandcentre.ie/ however, if this family member doesn't have a medical card then you can expect to pay (cost us in excess of 15K, that was few years ago now, before he walked in the door). It hasn't been as successful as we had hoped.

Thank you for sharing your experience, and also for giving me an idea of how much the treatment would cost - I had no idea it was so expensive. I'm guessing the level of support given probably justifies that since there is probably a lot of out of hours contact.

Unfortunately when confronted by siblings before over his behaviour, he takes it as a laugh. His behaviour I mean - a lad enjoying himself and not hurting anyone else, why is it their business, he wonders. He doesn't see that not only is the family hurting watching him self-destruct, but also hurting at his violent mood swings.

saa

Good luck, I'm not sure if you are linked in with any support services but before doing the intervention I would make sure you get some sound advice and information, I did an intervention course and there are certain steps that can help and plenty of useful information out there.

Don't forget this is not your fault and if the person does not respond well or treatment does not go to plan this is not you failing.

cranberryjuice

saa wrote: »

Good luck, I'm not sure if you are linked in with any support services but before doing the intervention I would make sure you get some sound advice and information, I did an intervention course and there are certain steps that can help and plenty of useful information out there.

Don't forget this is not your fault and if the person does not respond well or treatment does not go to plan this is not you failing.

Thanks. It's frightening thinking about what the domino effect could be from intervening in the situation, but also frightening wondering what catastrophe could be around the corner if he carries on as he is. It seems that very few addicts are successful unless they choose they want to leave their lifestyle behind, and I know that at the moment he doesn't want to leave it - like a security blanket almost. Because the reality of his life on its own minus the drugs, with no job prospects, no assets and a shy personality is perhaps too hard for him to bear. In the same way, I'm beginning to think that this current lifestyle of weekend blowouts is a security blanket for his parents. Facing the issue and trying to help him is stepping into the unknown, and maybe risks making their pain worse.