Fear of Pregnancy and Childbirth

DeeRottie

I'm 30 now and feel very alone tbh.

Terrified of anything to do with it (apart from the bit that gets you in the mess lol).

Married 2 years and under a lot of pressure.

Everyone seems to think that by telling me I'm being silly and every woman goes through it will magically cure it. Eh, no. Even thinking about being pregnant makes me feel sick, much less having to go through childbirth.

Anyone feel the same ... ???:(

mistress_gi

Hey! I was like that for a really long time, i still am to a certain extent but at this stage in my life (32 and in a long term relationship) those thoughts really won't get in the way of me trying for a family. I think if this is really holding you back and you would like to have children you should maybe talk to a therapist. But most of all ignore the people that are telling you you're being silly if it is something that bothers you then it should be aknowleged and addressed if necessary. Good luck.

DeeRottie

Thanks mistress_gi. My problem isn't anything to do with the pain, more the whole idea of actually being pregnant and the birthing process makes me feel physically sick. And this whole 'biological clock' thing isn't happening either - I have no desire for a child, even though I'm quite a maternal person - just ask my dogs, they are spoiled with care and attention (although I don't treat them like children!!!) I'm a lost cause lol.

Ickle Magoo

You aren't a lost cause because you don't want children!

If you have absolutely no desire for children then just ignore everyone who is puting pressure on you and accept it's happily a phobia you will never have to face.

Despite the fact that when you get married people seem to think they have a say in your personal business, it is clearly wholly a personal decision between yourself and your husband only and I presume as you've always felt this way he's well aware and happy with that. :cool:

xxmeabhxx

I feel the same too! Well I'm in a very different situation to you. I'm only 20 so obviously I'm not going to be desperate for kids but I have a fear of the whole process which I don't think is very common. I felt really uncomfortable and a bit faint watching Juno. I can't help but think childbirth is disgusting and painful and if I see characters on tv giving birth I almost pass out. I have a fear of it because I can't help but think of the pain and the possible complications that could ensue. It's a squeamish thing with me but I don't find other things disturbing that a lot of people do. I don't have an issue watching gory films for example, the Saw movies, Tarantino... that's all fine but if if there's a painful or difficult looking pregnancy or childbirth, then I just can't handle it.

oldfart

yes, i feel this way - is there a name for this phobia?

Moonbeam

I don't blame you.
It is not something I suffer from ,I have kids and a 3rd on the way but it is terrifying,you have a little human parasite living inside you for 9 months and depended on you for the next 20 years.
If you don't want kids it is not an issue but if it is an issue talk to someone it is a very valid fear

Niamho!

xxmeabhxx wrote: »

I feel the same too! Well I'm in a very different situation to you. I'm only 20 so obviously I'm not going to be desperate for kids but I have a fear of the whole process which I don't think is very common. I felt really uncomfortable and a bit faint watching Juno. I can't help but think childbirth is disgusting and painful and if I see characters on tv giving birth I almost pass out. I have a fear of it because I can't help but think of the pain and the possible complications that could ensue. It's a squeamish thing with me but I don't find other things disturbing that a lot of people do. I don't have an issue watching gory films for example, the Saw movies, Tarantino... that's all fine but if if there's a painful or difficult looking pregnancy or childbirth, then I just can't handle it.

I'd be a bit like this. more so the birth and complications part.
The thought of actually being pregnant doesn't scare me too much. I actually love baby bumps. But the birthing process just always seems barbaric to me and I clamp up completely if watching anyone on TV is giving birth.

I'm not sure if it is a real fear with me but the thought of it definitely scares the bejeesus out of me.
I suppose it's always just been something I thought i'd have to eventually do...

HeyThereDeliah

Childbirth scares every first time mother its the fear of the unknown and second time it's scary because you know what is ahead but the end result is always magic.
I was petrified first time and swore I would not be repeating the experience but I did two more times and I was scared each time tbh but it's something you forget once the baby is born.

Ellsbells

I was scared of childbirth too so I went private and had an elective section. It was a walk in the park and spared my sanity. Don't let the childbirth part put you off as there are ways around it.

DeltaWhite

I knew I couldnt be the only one with this phobia I dislike how most women brush it off and dismiss it when I tell them how terrified I am, but even being around my pregnant friend freaked me out, my stomach goes weak when I think about it and I literally have to walk out of a room if people are talking about the birth part! I really will just have to get over it, I always remind myself if all women can do then why the hell cant I??

Truman Burbank

Ellsbells wrote: »

I was scared of childbirth too so I went private and had an elective section. It was a walk in the park and spared my sanity. Don't let the childbirth part put you off as there are ways around it.

All 3 of these sentences are ridiculous.
(1) No one who is scared of childbirth needs to go privately.
(2) Major abdominal surgery is not a walk in the park (There are increased risks and complications - infection/haemorrhage/adhesions/maternal mortality/emotional detachment/negative birth experience/extended hospital stay and recovery time, bowel/bladder injury, medication side effects, effects on baby - increased risk of breathing and respiratory problems, fetal injury during surgery, low APGAR score etc). You have to sign a consent form agreeing to these risks of such a surgery.
(3) There is no way around it. The baby has to come out. A C/S is childbirth.

You're saying that you can pay to have a major surgery. This is not recommended. What is recommended is open, frank, honest discussion; finding out what the fears are; addressing them and acting in the best interests of the patient/baby. This is very, very, very rarely a C/S.

xxmeabhxx

despite a c/s being major surgery and regarded as a more dangerous option with the risks mentioned above, I do know people who were delighted to have a c section. I know one person who had a section because she was late and attempts to induce her didn't do anything. She had no problems afterwards recovering and is still happy she got a section. it totally got red of all her fears about vaginal birth. I know it's weird but some women do prefer it and see it as a less scary option.

Truman Burbank

xxmeabhxx wrote: »

despite a c/s being major surgery and regarded as a more dangerous option with the risks mentioned above, I do know people who were delighted to have a c section. I know one person who had a section because she was late and attempts to induce her didn't do anything. She had no problems afterwards recovering and is still happy she got a section. it totally got red of all her fears about vaginal birth. I know it's weird but some women do prefer it and see it as a less scary option.

Hi Meabh! I'm not talking about about 'medically necessary' C-Sections (past dates & failure of induction example you've given above) and I'm not talking about choice (totally different discussion!). As this is the 'Phobia' Board, I'm taking about what women can do to help themselves in the situation of being scared and it is exceptionally rare that the answer to that is a C-Section (i.e. major surgery, that is what it is, there is no disagreement on that and I think you appreciate that).

It's like numbing someone's leg in an operating theatre; using a scalpel; taking blood out of a vein; stitching up the wound (complications of infection, excess bleeding, longer recovery wound breakdown etc), because they are scared of needles! Women who see it as a less scary option, as you mentioned, have almost certainly not received correct counselling. This is definitely available in all the hospitals, and can be accessed. Help is there if you need it. (You're too young now!!!!! But HTH anytime)

There are people who are scared of flying who do get on a plane. And there are people who are petrified of flying who will get on a plane and there are people who are petrified of flying who will never get on a plane, despite detailed reassurances, facts, risks etc. The latter group are a fraction of a fraction of the former group. I have never met, nor do I know of, anyone in that latter group because while C-Sections are not uncommon, true phobias are.

ukulayla

I've been completely terrified of the whole concept of pregnancy and motherhood for as long as I can remember. I'm 26 and people keep telling me I'm being ridiculous and that it'll all change when I get pregnant. It's very rare that I meet somebody who actually listens to me when I say that I don't want kids. Most folk, generally women annoyingly, say that I'll change my mind someday. Possibly the most aggravating statement on the planet. If you have a phobia of spiders you're not going to change your mind one day and get a tarantula are you? I think it's terrible that women who feel this way about pregnancy and childbirth are made to feel so different and alone. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked.what was wrong with me, been told I wasn't a real woman, and even called a monster. I just don't think anyone should have to feel that way just because they're frightened of something

Ickle Magoo

Truman Burbank,

Welcome to the phobias forum - please ensure you are well acquainted with the forum charter HERE before posting.

While you may feel strongly about how some people chose to act or react in relation to their fear of childbirth, ultimately that is between them and their qualified medical practitioner. The purpose of this forum is to get supportive advice.

As per site rules, please do not respond to this post on-thread

fussyonion

I'm not planning to have children anytime soon but I used to think I would be too scared to give birth.

As I've gotten older I'm more of the train of thought that yes, it's going to hurt and yes, it's going to be something I'm not going to necessarily enjoy, BUT millions and millions of women have done it, since the dawn of time, and they all got through it.

I keep reminding myself that our bodies were made to cope with it and that's what I keep telling myself whenever I get scared.

maireincork

I always thought I didn't want children, wasn't particularly broody or I the rested in them. Then something changed and I began to want a child, however it wasn't an all encompassing feeling, it was very much a 'well we will try and if we do conceive that's great but if not that's fine too' kinda thing.

When I did finally conceive I was initially thrilled and the became increasingly panicky. I was suffering from panic attacks at the time anyway, and they are related to me being or feeling stuck (so lifts, trains, boats etc are avoided as I can't leave and get out when I want to among other things). I felt very stuck now as I had a baby growing inside if me and I would have to have the baby inside me for months. Plus the thoughts of How I would manage in childbirth terrified me - How would I manage the pain etc. I was equally as terrified of a Section as the thoughts of major surgery didn't appeal to me especially the afterwards. So again I was stuck. Equally fearful of vaginal birth and C Section.

Then a friend put me onto hypnobirthing, she wasn't sure exactly what it was but she thought it might be worth a try. So I dragged my poor DH along to yet another class to do with birth and found it brilliant. I left feeling so much more positive and with a glimmer of hope. Over the weeks following the CDs really helped me enjoy the pregnancy, I lost that fear of being stuck and began to actually look forward to the birth! Couldn't believe it at times. Birth went great - I loved it in the end. Had a fab birth experience and went on to have number 2 a few years later this time using GentleBirth and that was even more incredible. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be capable of dealing with my fear around pregnancy and birth so positively. Now to find something as effective for the other fears I have!

So just to know there are possibilities out there if you ever did decide to have a baby. I do think the choice not to have a baby is equally valid though. I have a few friends who have actively decided for various reasons not to have children and they are very content with their decision, I just offer this story to let you know if it were purely fear rather than disinterest affecting your decision.