Drawing the line

LegacyUser

What draws the line between being treated badly and abused in a relationship- mentally and physically

and

being treated badly by the actions/ symptoms of a person who is suffering from depression?

Seven years in a relationship with my boyfriend and I am starting to question my own sanity.

I left him, about two years ago now because I couldnt take anymore- he hurt me physically, pushed me around, put me down over everything and anything, I never did a thing right apparently. He would fly off the handle over the slightest of things, usually because he heard the word 'NO'.

Then he came back telling me it wasnt his fault, he suffers from depression and it was all down to the type of medication he was on. Wrote me letter after letter- how sorry he was and he would never treat me that way again....

But here I am, still waiting.....

Nothings changed and he cant see it.

I do everything for him. He acts like I should do everything for him no questions asked.

I dont have a problem with that EXCEPT FOR when he does something for me and HE reckons I OWE him for it.

I never do anything for him and then turn around expecting/ demanding something in return. He always does.

It doesnt matter what he does these days, its not his fault, its because he suffers from depression, he doesent take responsibility for anything!

I have a child who is 9 years old and he expects/ wants me to move in with him?????

Whats wrong with this picture, am i wrong or am I just kidding myself that things will ever change?

analucija

In the end it doesn't matter if you are being abused or not. The fact that you are wondering if you are is a big enough sign not to be with him. Also think if you would want your daughter to grow up living with a man that can be overly aggressive and doesn't respect her mother.

Piliger

OP - analucija says it all above.

Mrs Garth Brooks

You need to get out. He will never ever change. He will blame you and insult you for everything that goes wrong in his life. Then turn it around and make excuses and blame it all on depression.


I wouldn't know what its like being with a man that was like that. But i do/did have a family member (my sister) who would fly off the handle at the smallest thing and would blame me for everything, due to paranoia. No amount of explaining and telling her would help. Though blaming me for stuff i have or havn't done, did get my quite mad and thats the only place i went wrong. But i wasn't going sit back and let someone put me down like that. My family even knew i wouldn't do any of the stuff she has accused me off. She has never apologised and fully believes i was always in the wrong.

Growing up she had a bad temper. She once kicked the cat in his mouth just to get to me. She must have been about 18. Eight years later at 26 years old, i dont know what happened but she started to blame me for things that went wrong in her life. For two years straight, every few weeks she would pick and make up situations and would blame me. It was paranoia.

To get to me she would lash out at the animals, even at 26 when most people have grown up. One reason was because i wouldn't give her a lift. Thats what got to me, here she was blaming me for things, she would turn around and use me afterwards, then start it all up again.

I gave up talking to her and have no contact with her. At family gatherings i stay out of her way and will not speak to her. I will not give her any excuse to start at me and treat me like pure crap. She was like that 18, and again at 26 for two years straight. She will never ever change.

In the two years i havn't spoken to her, she moved on and abused some poor fella. He said he would do something and never did for whatever reason. She went mental at him. When it was over, she would harass him and i think its still going on. I have read her posts here and thats how i know about it. She blames it all on being depressed. And blames it all on him because he said he would do something. It was like it was his fault, she acted the way she did.

So at 26, i got her abuse for 2 years, at 28 it was some poor guy. She will be 30 in a few months time. Thats 4 years. So it will never ever change. I have tried to talk about it to her years ago and told her to get help but she refused. There's only so much anyone can do.


Sorry for throwing in my own situation. It was quite long. Just thought that i would share it as having a sister at 18 who lashed out a cat and now 12 years later its some poor guy. Just shows that the situation doesn't change.

Op, these people have insecurities and they are the only ones that can help themselves, and not other people. I had to walk away from a family member because i couldn't take it. No one should ever have to put up with it. Please don't stay with this man. You don't owe him anything.

LegacyUser

Thank you everyone for the replies. I just feel so completely alone and its an enormous relief to talk to others about it. I have already lost half of my family because I 'rightly' left him but 'wrongly' got back with him...

I believed all he said to me, went to doc apts etc... he made out that he knew he was wrong for behaving as he did and treating me as he did. He would get help.

Yet here he is acting the same way and making out like its all down to me, again, fault, hes not happy with xy and z so he 'shows his frustration' of it by doing/ behaving as he does, and somehow its my fault.

He cant seem to understand WHY I dont want to move in with him?

I have said to him, quite bluntly, that I cant/ dont TRUST him anyore, dont feel SAFE which at the very least I SHOULD....

Yet he cant/ wont hear anything I have to say. I am always wrong, I dont think of him-him and his bloody feelings and I have had a gutfull of my life revolving around him at the expense of mine and my childs...

He tried to kill himself last year, after I got back with him. He makes it his business to tell me if I everleave him he will do the same...

The mental health services have done us no favours, I felt like a criminal for even being there, and the only reason I was even there was to be there for him, thats the most ridicluous thing about it